How we respond to threads about abuse + troll paranoia

[dizietsma]

I have noticed that often in threads where a poster is discussing abuse they are experiencing there is a lot of troll paranoia.

I think that this often happens because people who are lucky enough to never have experienced any abuse find it hard to believe how bad things can get.

I also think it happens because people get frustrated with the way abuse victims find it hard to take advice on how to improve their situations.

Frustration and disbelief are natural reactions, but they are something that really needs to stop on abuse threads.

Victims of abuse are often extremely isolated. If they reach out and are treated with suspicion and disbelief it could condemn them to further isolation and prolong abuse, this is unacceptable.

Furthermore, whether or not a poster disclosing abuse is genuine is irrelevant. I believe that all posters disclosing abuse should be treated as genuine so that other victims reading those threads will see that they can receive support, advice and encouragement should they brave reaching out.

For these reasons I believe that there should be a policy here that those people who have suspicions should hide the thread, and hold their tongues.

Can we agree on this?

a fair amount of common sense shoud be used, don't give what you can't afford to lose, that might be time or money.
because of the sensitive nature of some stuff people name change and are often called troll, i know this is true as i used a name change as it would complicate things if people knew it was me, and yes i was called a troll and not treated very politely.
like someone else sys even if someone is a troll advice given might be useful for other people.

"WannaBe, no-one is saying that trolls shouldn't be outed. We're saying that if you suspect a troll, you should report it to MNHQ in line with their policy." Yes you are saying they shouldn't be outed. You're saying that they shouldn't be outed on the boards - that only mn hq should be alerted of peoples' suspicions. Well that's all very well and I have alerted mn hq of many suspected trolls, but the reality is that mn hq are no more in a position to know whether someone is genuine than you or I are. Obviously sometimes people make stupid mistakes and give themselves away such as Hills who posted from her own computer to say that she was a friend posting to say that she'd died, so mn hq were pretty able to establish that it was actually the same poster (the op claimed she was posting from work iirc).

But the reality is that anyone can set up a mn account and start posting anything and there really is no way of knowing whether they are genuine or not. So reporting to mn hq generally achieves nothing because they will also always give the benefit of the doubt.

Also you need to consider the potential consequences of not outing a troll publically. Often posters befriend other posters off board, and if it doesn't become apparent that they are trolls then those friendships could continue without the posters knowing that there is a problem. Look at ethanchristopher for instance. She was a troll who pretended to be a teenage mum. She befriended a lot of other teenage mums off board and there were even arrangements to meet up with one or two of them. Lots of posters had reported their suspicions about her to mn hq but mn hq were powerless to do anything because there was no history of trolling, she was just a poster with an account who posted a bit inconsistently sometimes. Then someone challenged her on a thread and it came out that she actually was a troll (she admitted it herself). There was a huge fallout and one of the young posters actually came online and said she was glad because they'd been chatting off board and that EC had contacted her and they were going to meet up. Now imagine if EC hadn't been outed on the boards. Imagine if she'd just been deleted quietly, she would still have continued her off-board friendship with other young teen mums and might have met up with them. And really, how can we know it was a she. How can we know that those teens weren't at risk? You can even meet in a public place and still be at risk...

It is far too simplistic to say that all trolls should just be reported to mn hq and it should be left to them to deal with it.

OP - I couldn't agree more.

I think some people just aren't aware of what can really go on out there in the big, bad world.

Calling someone a troll is just horrible - you don't need to join a convo if it's not for you.

For me, any words of advice I can give are not an "investment" - I don't need a "pay off" to feel happy with what I've said. If someone in trouble can take any comfort from my words brilliant - if it's a troll - so what?

I think part of protecting yourself online is to take everything anyone says with a large pinch of salt. Until you really are confident that you know them.

Someone called me a troll once after I had been on Mumsnet for a couple of years. But then I had namechanged and posted about a pretty unusual situation. If I had really wanted to prove my credentials, I could have, but as it was I just shrugged it off. So what if someone accused me of trolling? I couldn't blame them for being suspicious really.

Yes, OK, I hold my hands up, posting "I don't believe your OP" is purely ego driven.

I've lost count of the congratulatory posts, the adulation on other threads, the - recognition - it gives me as probably the most senior member of this site.

I am indeed a confident person, but frankly this propels me into MN royalty status.

Thank you, thank you, thank you. You are all wonderful and I care deeply and sincerely about each and every one of you.

cat...you forgot to thank The Academy for voting for ya...

..and thank you to what I call the little people like AnyFucker here for services to my ego...

thankyou thank you

just cry and bit more...and remember to Thank God and your mummy and daddy for believing in you

Like I said... people will just keep doing it because they feel justified and think they can do whatever they want, despite MN policies and procedures.

We can each only do our own part.

"I think part of protecting yourself online is to take everything anyone says with a large pinch of salt. Until you really are confident that you know them."

I do agree with that, which is why on the whole I stay away from any threads that are posted-in-the-heat-of-the-drama "My husband is coming up the stairs to beat me up right now/he's just beaten me up and I've snuck into the toilet with my laptop/mobile phone to write this and I'm so scared" and threads typed incoherently when usually the poster has been quite coherent, because I do think that the majority of them are trolls or attention seekers. I don't necessarily even think that they all have a financial motive per se, I just think lot of people (more than we want to admit) make up all or part of their identities on the internet because they can. And for some that just goes too far into the relms of sucking someone in who might be vulnerable.

I do think there's a right and a wrong way to "out" trolls, I don't think that rushing on to a thread and simply posting "troll" achieves anything. But I think that if there are inconsistencies in postings that are blatantly obvious if you look/have followed threads then it's not wrong to challenge the poster on them. That is essentially the same as "outing" a troll I suppose, but I don't see why it's wrong if the clues are there anyway.

much as i enjoyed the acceptance speech...

i absolutely think there is an element of ego at play. as starexpat points out, there is a perceived glory in being the one who calls troll. the one who dares to go against the grain, blahdeblah.

and all this 'what about the people they take for a ride' stuff is all a bit 'vigilante'. anyone who decides to meet ANYONE from any website should be careful. no amount of faces will change that.