secret mobile phone

[GoldenCoral]

Just found the password for DP's online bank and read through his statements and it seems he has been putting the odd payment on a t-mobile phone which is strange considering to my knowledge he only has an orange phone.
So other than having an affair, why would he have this secret phone? or am I jumping the gun and could these payments exist for another reason? I am trying to build a portfolio of evidence against him and do intend to leave so please don't ask why I'm still here. How can I find the secret phone? any ideas how I can delve further into this?

I know - mine said he had told me about meetings or nights away with his job, he travels a lot, and because of this we used to get together with our diaries and put his trips in mine, but then he started saying he'd told me about things, and claimed I must have forgotten to diarise it or that I hadn't been listening. I am so organised I knew he hadn't told me at all.

haha - snap.

then if i questioned further i used to get accused of being selfish as his time was important for his job. or his volunteering at army cadets ( where he started an affair with this 18 year old girl)

gc - you see. it isnt just you this has happened to. and you should not doubt yourself.

Wow he's exactly the same! Last time this all kicked off if it was about debts he had which he told me he didn't. I was stood there with the statement in my hand and said "LOOK, IT'S HERE!" and he claimed it was obviously an administration error. He did admit that in the end but he told 3 more lies on the subject before eventually arriving at the truth (if that is what was told in the end).
This one is awkward because I can't present him with evidence as he will then know I 'hacked' into his bank account online which could get me into a world of trouble.
See what he's reduced me to? I would never have dreampt of doing something like that before and would have condemmed anyone that did.
He also tells me he's said things when he hasn't and then conveniently "forgets" other stuff. It's so draining. I always end up doubting myself. Like with this phone thing I'm thinking "he didn't seem like he was lying yesterday AND he did say he didn't agree with people who have secret mobiles so I MUST have got it wrong somewhere" but how can I have got it wrong? I'm not being paranoid am I? you don't just pay into another mobile network "by accident" or whatever, do you?

Gc - you know he is a liar and will not change.

All the time you are staying to get more prove you are wasting your life and putting off the new start you deserve.

GC - yep well done you are one step closer to the loonybin, carry on like that you will be wearing this seasons backless white gown before the end of the month

I caught my ex-dh in a lip lock on the sofa with my friend, they thought I was asleep upstairs - she had been drinking so I let her stay in the spare room rather than drive which I thought was very good of me. Ex Dh and I argued all night about what had happened. At one point he even said I had imagined it and said and I quote 'You should go upstairs and apologise to the poor girl because she is wondering what she has done to upset you!"

Believe it or not I can actually laugh about this now, he and she are out of my life their 'fling' or whatever it was (I shall never know) cost her her marriage as well. Last I heard he had got custody of the children and she was out on her ear.

He lied and lied then lied again about everything, same as your man - you are wasting very valuable time and energy on getting mad and wanting to get even - to be even with him you will make yourself his equal.

That is where you are heading - this will only get uglier and messier. Call a halt now - HE HAS EVERYTHING TO GAIN FROM YOUR LOSS OF CONTROL

Calm down and start thinking - you obviously care deeply about this man or you would just shrug and let him get on with whatever he is doing.

He hasn't reduced you to anything, GC you are doing that all by yourself.

Stop torturing yourself - get to the esate agents and start looking at moving!

Please read what Grace has linked to. Gaslighting is a particularly insidious form of abuse. You will hopefully be bloody furious when you see what is happening to you and that there is even a name for it.

staying to prove things will never help. you have been the same as me - waving the evidence in his face and he still stood there and lied to you 3 times. THREE TIMES.
just how ridiclous is that.
What grown man behaves that way to a woman he suposbly loves.

He doesnt. you dont treat people you love like that. Sorry if thats harsh. But its true.

He will slowly, bit by bit distroy you. Belive me.. you will end up doubting everything.

I know its hard to face going it alone. Its hard to face the end of your marriage. BUT you havent failed. its not becuse of you. its beacuse of HIM. HE has failed.

start looking at leaving and moving you life forward. you can do it. I did. lots of other women have. BEACUSE YOU DONT DESEVE the life you have. and you will never be happy with him.

just be pleased he isnt going around telling everyone you are a nutter. Yet. Thats what will happen though.