I've namechanged because I want to see this event with a bit of perspective.
So, it was my birthay a couple of weeks ago. A big one. And it was a really big deal to me. I'd asked DH to arrange a party for me, but due to circumstances my brother ended up doing it. I was a little hurt that he didn't have a hand in any of it (I had never had a birthday party as an adult before) but the day itself was lovely. We had it a week earlier and DH was there in the background helping out with lifts and things.
I thought that he would do something lovely for my birthday instead. Earlier in the year he'd thrown around a few (lovely) ideas, so I had some pretty high hopes.
Now let's throw in the spanner.
A month earlier his DB had asked him to be his best man. Very unexpected, very last minute, with a "just do the speech, no other responsibilities" type thing.
Second Spanner.
Work won't let DH take my Birthday evening off work and he's going to be away from that night for a week. I say don't worry about it, we've got the night before. But I was a bit saddened by it (didn't tell him though as there was nothing that could be done).
First spanner rears its ugly, metal head when a week and a half before my birthday DBIL announces that weekend he is going to have his stag do. It's 3 hours away. I tell DH that if it's just on the evening of my B'day he should really go, it's important. But I'm very sad because I thought we'd go out for a meal. DH says it's either going to be that night or the night before. I tell him to let me know. He later tells me it's on the night before my birthday. I say he should go.
Three days before my birthday I ask when he's leaving for DBIL's and he says the next day. He then reveals that DBIL's stag do is going to be over 2 nights and a day. At which time I am devastated. I cry and cry and ask him why he didn't tell me. He mumbles that he thought he did. I ask him to come back for the Saturday night and take me out for dinner. He says he has a duty to DBIL. I beg him and eventually he asks me what time I want him back. I tell him that he's making arrangements and so he should decide and that he should call me to let me know.
At this point he also reveals that he hasn't organised anything for my Birthday day either.
He leaves saying he's off to organise things. We don't speak about it again. He leaves the next day for DBILs.
My Birthday-Eve came and went. He didn't call. He didn't come home.
Throw in DD (1) vomiting all night and you get a lovely picture of how much fun I had.
I finally get through to him at 1am and he says he's just left the stag do (early) and is on his way home, should be with me sometime after 3 in the morning.
I tell him not to come. I tell him that I thought he was coming back. He says he was never going to.
I tell him I don't want to see him.
I spend the whole of my birthday in tears. He turns up at 3pm to get his work things, says he's sorry but he had a duty (all very coldly) I cry and ask him what about his duty to me, he leaves. I send him an email that night saying that tomorrow is another day and we can always fix things.
I don't see him for a week. He sends cold, "I'm doing this and having a great time" emails. Doesn't call (not even to talk to the DCs). I cry all week, but don't call him.
So. Was I wrong to ask him to stay? Was I wrong to be so upset? Am I wrong?
Be gentle, I'm still a bit fragile, but I need to know. Am I wrong?
Oh God, didn't mean it to be that long. Thanks for reading this far if you have!