DH and money advice please

[bumpsoon]

Right bit of background ,been married nearly 7 years ,have a son from a previous relationship ,son doesnt see his father ,never had maintenance etc . have two children with my dh. For the last 7 years my dh has been giving me £100 a week housekeeping , he also pays all the bills/rent ,which comes to about £700 a month max . We own our car outright and he has a company car , we dont have expensive holidays and our house is cheaply furnished . I have just sent him an email asking for a raise in housekeeping to £200 a week . My dh earns £55k ,is this an unreasonable sum to ask for ? i buy 99% of the kids clothes etc ,pay the milkman ,window cleaner and it costs me £22.50 a week in school dinners /bus fares . He also has a sideline where he makes enough to usually pay for an annual holiday ,about £1000 or thereabouts ,although i do most of the grunt work asscoiated with this sideline .I buy the majority of my clothes from the charity shops and tbh he has way more clothes etc then me . I also do all the household chores and all what i would class as man jobs ,ie going to the tip ,putting the rubbish and recycling out ,gardening ,cleaning the car etc So what do you think ? need ammo incase he gets arsey about it

"im going to suggest that when i return to work i get my salary paid into his account and i get a cash card for it"

No! Don't get your salary paid into 'his' account, get both your salaries (and kiddie benefits etc) paid into a 'joint' account! And get that joint account set up now! (Once you've had the general money chat, of course)

I think you need to set this out logically. You shouldn't - but I think in this case you're more likely to get what you need if you do.

Lay out what your weekly expenses are on everything - including things like your own clothes. Divide monthly expenditure by 4.3. This will make it very clear he's being unreasonable.

I'm sure someone will come back to this and say the OP shouldn't need to do this and TBH I agree - but I think the immediate goal is for her to have enough money to live on. The larger argument may take a little more time.

Bumpsoon,

for crying out loud DON'T have your salary paid into his account. Think about it, if you do that he will be even more in control. If he decides one day to cancel your card you are stuffed with no money. You need a new joint account with both of you having free access. But as an aside you both need to keep an eye on the account to ensure neither of you, not just you, is being unfair with the spending.

Good lord, DON'T put your salary into HIS account!!!

Please try to do as Ineedabodytransplant says.

The whole point of all the advice here is that money is shared in a marriage, one person is not supposed to own it all and allow the other to have whatever he thinks she needs, (and you don't have to go cap in hand to your husband for money to take care of the family)!!!!

PLEASE think seriously about going to Women's Aid if you come up against a brick wall. I think you are being abused here.

And the idea that a baby may have been unplanned is completely immaterial.

i am jarred by this thread.

very, very odd arrangement and in no way healthy.

No, I didn't mean you should pay your salary into 'his' account. You will need to work out what works for you but don't make yourself even more vulnerable, if you don't trust him keep your own bank account (I would say keep your own account anyway but I know lots of people prefer a joint account). Also, if he is saving, investing and making pension contributions make sure you save the same amount in your own name.

Definitely think you both need to lay all your finances out in the open: credit card bills, loans, savings, investments, mortgage etc. Don't let him treat you like the little women or junior partner.