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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

husband thinks he is still single

60 replies

bubble1 · 09/04/2010 20:53

Am i being unreasonable. 3 children aged 8,3 and 2. husband self employed so earns good money for very little work. but every weekend he argues that as he puts a roof over our heads he is entitled to lie on sofa all saturday watching footie and then play golf on sunday. i am expected to whisk kids away so he can relax in peace. fed up with this now and he does not agrree. should i leave...even though he has already told me that he has no intention of being a weekend dad as it will mess his r and r time up.
i did used to take kids to visit grandma on saturdays, but she has just come out of hospital after serious bout of pneumonia and needs rest not kids racing about so i refuse to take them
absolutely hate weekends now...arent they supposed to be family times.

OP posts:
Tortington · 09/04/2010 20:55

tell him to fuck hisself up his own arse. what a total knobheaded wankfest dribble dick he is

either he ships up or fucks off - and tell him he might earn a decent wage but it wont go far supporting a family and your still entitled to a rof over their headds - and he will pay for it

so grow a pair ad tell him to fuk the fuck off cos he is a total twatmonkey

Tortington · 09/04/2010 20:55

what are you the fucking housekeeper/nanny? what a nobhead he is. tell him that your going out on saturday and if he doesn't like it he can kiss your hairy arse

HumphreyCobbler · 09/04/2010 20:57

everything that custardo says

she puts it so eloquently

saddest · 09/04/2010 20:57

Custardo....so tell us what you really feel!

Actually I pretty much agree with the above. Selfish git.

Tortington · 09/04/2010 20:57

i thank you

strangeitude · 09/04/2010 20:59

well he sounds like a right smug git who would deserve it if you left, but in the meantime JUST GO OUT AND LEAVE HIM WITH THE KIDS.

I have done this myself before, and I don't think it needs justfication. They are HIS children and it's TOO BLOODY BAD.

You work 7 days a week. Maybe realising it's hard work looking after kids might wake him up a bit, but if not, who cares. Don't ASK him, just DO it.

Good luck.

Tortington · 09/04/2010 21:02

id rather eat my own arse than have to be at home with the kids all day - thankless job 24 hours a fucking day - who gets up in the nght when they are sick or ill or wet the bed YOU - yes you do all that cos they need their sleep cos "they have work tomorrow" well you have work 24 hours a fucking day - and hes being a fucking shit dad of the highest order too - fucking knobhead

TakeLovingChances · 09/04/2010 21:03

Custardo you are a legend! PMSL!

I agree with you all tho.

ItsGraceAgain · 09/04/2010 21:06

My vocabulary might not stretch as far as Custardo's but I agree!

I can only suppose he's pushing his luck ... seeing how far he can take it. You could try:-

  • Invoicing him for your childcare, housekeeping, cooking & waitressing services (that should run to about £200 a day, perhaps?)

  • Taking the kids on a week's holiday without him: see if he notices you're gone?

  • Pouring a bucket of cold water over him, if you don't mind drying the sofa out for a week?

  • Throwing a major screaming fit (don't know if you've already tried that?)

  • Sitting him down with a stern "We need to talk"?

  • Giving him an ultimatum. Allow him, say, one weekend in 4 to be a boy; be a husband & father the other 3 weeks; FIRE HIM if he blows it.

I'm sure others will come up with better ideas - but, no, you shouldn't be putting up with this. It's the attitude that hurts, at least as much as the inaction ...

ItsGraceAgain · 09/04/2010 21:07

strangeitude - bestter idea

Malificence · 09/04/2010 21:11

What Custy says , with knobs on - Dickhead!

Original poster
bubble1 · 09/04/2010 21:12

blimey...never expected anyone to be on my side.
i am considering leaving, have done for a long time, but i dont want the kids to have no contact with their dad, its not their fault. so i keep putting it off and hoping he will come to his senses.
or is it just me. what do normal families do at the weekend. plus i dont have a job outside the home although i am his company sec and do all his paperwork, bills, vat returns etc, but i dont get paid. in fact he keeps all his money in a safe so i have to rely on child benifit for food and stuff.
what do i do for the best for the kids.

OP posts:
Tortington · 09/04/2010 21:12

go to a solicitor - with a copy of the accounts pronto

CwtchyMama · 09/04/2010 21:13

Custardo i think i am in love with you

Agree with everything Custardo says,in fact why not show him what she says about him?

Tortington · 09/04/2010 21:13

in fact he might see MORE of his kids if you wernt together

liahgen66 · 09/04/2010 21:15

so bubble what exactly do you get out of the relationship?

ClaireDeLoon · 09/04/2010 21:16

You have to rely on child benefit for food? Are you being serious?

fortyplus · 09/04/2010 21:17

Good grief! You're a white slave!! Don't stand for this... 'normal' families do things together most weekends, with both partners sometimes having a turn at a weekend away with their friends. At least that's what we do and I think I'm fairly normal!

skidoodly · 09/04/2010 21:17

get the fuck out of there. your children deserve better than this bastard who doesn't spend time with them and keeps all the money that should be spent on them.

ItsGraceAgain · 09/04/2010 21:21

< i am his company sec and do all his paperwork, bills, vat returns etc, but i dont get paid. in fact he keeps all his money in a safe so i have to rely on child benifit for food and stuff. >

WHAT???!!!! Leave. What a tosser!

Seriously, you can do better than this. At least, after the dicorce, he'll have to pay for his own children's welfare.

Fuck me.

thisisnotwhoyouthink · 09/04/2010 21:22

Custy - you crack me up

ItsGraceAgain · 09/04/2010 21:22

Actually, don't leave. Just serve a divorce petition. You can put on his pile of things to sign, since you're his unpaid secretary.

Original poster
bubble1 · 09/04/2010 21:23

actually tomorrow is d day. if he kicks up a fuss about kids being in house while footballs on i am going to have to leave him arent i

OP posts:
Malificence · 09/04/2010 21:23

I'm aghast that women still live like this!

Proper, decent dads spend time with their family at weekends, they like doing things with them and they don't treat their wives like a slave.
God I hope this thread is a troll.

twolittlemonkeys · 09/04/2010 21:24

that you have to rely on CB money for food because he keeps the money in a safe!! It's joint money not his! You're looking after HIS children for heavens sake! That is not normal and he is not being a normal dad by lazing around. My DH counts himself lucky if he gets an hour to play on PS2 over the weekend. Bin him!

Seriously though, find yourself a solicitor. Whilst quietly collecting evidence about how financially controlling and unreasonable he is.