How long would you expect before he tries to take things further?

[kittya]

My friend has been seeing a really sweet guy for 3 months. They go on dates approx twice a week. He seems really keen but..... He hasnt made a move on her. He politely kisses her at the end of the night. She's stayed at his in the same bed and nothing. I think he may just be inexperienced or shy. She does like him and doesnt want to lose his friendship but, is started to feel unattractive. She thinks he just doesnt fancy her. They are going out tomorrow day and she wants to take things further but doesnt really know how to bring it up and she would hate to lose him as a friend. What do you think is the appropriate time gap and, what should she say to him?

She could try discussing sex in general WITHOUT coming on to him and thereby work out his value, views on the subject. The gent could have strong values or be unusually self disciplined or very respectful or in fact expecting/wanting her to initiate (i.e. a receiver not a taker).

Shineoncrazy - Agree very rare type. But I did have two good friends and the bloke held out for over a year until just before/after the wedding (I didn't follow up detail other than what she told me). Now they are happily married with 4 kids. He was a really fun guy to be with and partied away but was brought up with deeply held moral views on sex.

but presumably someone with such strong views out of principle would have mentioned them by now? I suppose if your friend doesn't want to rock the boat, then best for her to accept it as more of a flirtatious friendship than relationship material, and not think of this guy as an exclusive boyfriend.

I would just ask him outright.

I went out with someone and after two months we still hadn't had sex - but that was more that we had both booked holidays previously so for a good month of that we didn't even see each other as our holidays weren't at the same time, for the first month at was too soon and afterwards it just kind of fizzled out. Neither of us were That Into Each Other.

We didn't even talk about sex - it just never got that far - he never even came to my house.

If she really likes him then she should try to hold out and just tell him that she likes him. The sex, when it comes could be awesome if they do build up high emotional intensity. On the other hand it could all be a flop.

She should savour the intrigue and the fact that this bloke likes her and isn't just after the sex.

The girlfriend above that I referred to was absolutely stunning so it was admirable how how her to be husband held out. I guess it increased the desire! Good stuff

shineon

we men can't win

Well although I have more often played "Mr Dive-In", I have also played "Mr Savouring it all" so I kinda want you all to give the bloke a break. Don't you have girlfriends who wait for months?

Nope. And especially not if we're sharing beds with our boyfriends. That's why I agree with SGB and not Fab/TDiddy, etc. If you have strong moral views or 'sex hasn't come up', you're not sharing a bed, are you?

Kittya, here is my totally non-confrontational advice if she doesn't want to be rebuffed, doesn't want to 'out' him, and does want to keep the social circle.

She should tell him that she really enjoys his company as a friend but the spark's just not there. And check his reaction. If he's relieved, then she's got herself a friend. If he acts hurt and tries to talk her out of it, that's her opening (no pun, etc) to talk about the lack of sex thing.

His friend was flirting with her on Sunday night. The bf (?) stayed over last night. He was well worth the wait. Apparently. Sounds like he just needed a kick up the arse.

He said he was just being a gentlemen. Its nice to know they still exist!

No, I prefer men, a bloke who considers himself a "gentleman" might be looking for a "lady" and I'm not into girly tweeness and Cinzano and lemonade. Makes him sound about 70 as well, it's the sort of thing my dad might say.
They sound well suited though.

time will tell I think. He's not her usual bad boy.

Takes all sorts. Much prefer to the lechs and arrogant guys who feel entitled to sex that you often meet.

Good luck to them both!

I think its pretty sweet. Different (or is that just my luck?)

I feel vindicated re: "increasing the desire".

you were right but, I never said you were wrong!!

i know. Just wanted to rub in the fact there are some gents left in the world

Well good luck to the pair of them. But I wouldn't be all that surprised if it fairly shortly goes horribly wrong due to him either having a low libido or being one of those types who need to create a huge drama round every shag.

well, Im always miss cynical and lets just say it hasnt happened again since.

keep us updated. I think there some lovely guys like this - I know a few. And some of the ladies on this board would have missed out on a gem by not wanting to savour