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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Have you recovered from infidelity?

78 replies

catwalker · 28/03/2010 15:08

Is there anyone out there who has recovered their relationship with their husband/wife after infidelity? For so many people infidelity seems to mark the beginning of the end. But what if neither of you wants it to be?

Briefly, my husband had sex with another woman, who is also married, about 18 months ago. They were flirting with each other for a few months beforehand and eventually had a couple of hours in a hotel together. I believe him when he says it didn't happen again, but he carried on responding to her texts afterwards. His explanation for this is that the OW was obsessed with him and, as we see her socially, he wanted to try and 'normalise' their relationship in case she decided to spill the beans or got upset and aroused suspicions. ('Oh yeah' I hear you say) From the things she's done and said since I found out, I do believe she was/is obsessed with him and do believe my husband has no feelings for her and that he loves me very much. He says he was flattered by her attentions initially and enjoyed the excitement, but then came to his senses.

I believe he loves me; we have always been very good together; I trust him never to do this again ('fool' I hear you all shout)and I want to believe our future relationship will be stronger than ever. Or am I just deluding myself? But at the moment I'm finding it impossible to get past the hurt and pain he has caused me and our children, and above all the sheer disbelief that my lovely, thoughtful, considerate lover and best friend could do this thing. The last thing I want to do is set myself up for more hurt. Anyone gone through something similar?

OP posts:
BaggyAgy · 13/04/2010 18:56

catwalker, please if you get some tips on how to cope with obsessing, anger, sadness, grief etc, please share them with us.
Good Luck

Karmann · 13/04/2010 20:18

Hi Baggy. Don't want to hijack thread but would just like to tell you that for me all you have mentioned is gradually reducing with time. I still have bad days but can really see light at the end of the tunnel now.

I sometimes say to myself when thoughts start to invade my mind 'Go away, you have no place in my life today!'. I know that probably sounds ridiculous but it helps me. Hope you are ok.

Maryolwen123 · 31/05/2017 14:17

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