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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Have you recovered from infidelity?

78 replies

catwalker · 28/03/2010 15:08

Is there anyone out there who has recovered their relationship with their husband/wife after infidelity? For so many people infidelity seems to mark the beginning of the end. But what if neither of you wants it to be?

Briefly, my husband had sex with another woman, who is also married, about 18 months ago. They were flirting with each other for a few months beforehand and eventually had a couple of hours in a hotel together. I believe him when he says it didn't happen again, but he carried on responding to her texts afterwards. His explanation for this is that the OW was obsessed with him and, as we see her socially, he wanted to try and 'normalise' their relationship in case she decided to spill the beans or got upset and aroused suspicions. ('Oh yeah' I hear you say) From the things she's done and said since I found out, I do believe she was/is obsessed with him and do believe my husband has no feelings for her and that he loves me very much. He says he was flattered by her attentions initially and enjoyed the excitement, but then came to his senses.

I believe he loves me; we have always been very good together; I trust him never to do this again ('fool' I hear you all shout)and I want to believe our future relationship will be stronger than ever. Or am I just deluding myself? But at the moment I'm finding it impossible to get past the hurt and pain he has caused me and our children, and above all the sheer disbelief that my lovely, thoughtful, considerate lover and best friend could do this thing. The last thing I want to do is set myself up for more hurt. Anyone gone through something similar?

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 31/03/2010 22:40

bump

how are you, catwalker ?

catwalker · 31/03/2010 23:49

Bad, bad place I'm afraid. One day I feel positive and optimistic about the future and our relationship - hence this thread. The next the full horror of what he did is all I can think about. I go over and over what I do know and try to find flaws in his 'story'. We're now doing nothing but row at the moment and I really can't see a way forward. I'm turning into a prize bitch and I hate myself.

OP posts:
WhenwillIfeelnormal · 01/04/2010 00:20

Catwalker this is normal. Remember that good memory I said I had? Well I remember feeling just like you did. Those first few weeks seemed frenzied - and like I was hearing new information all the time. It seemed we'd have 4-5 "good days" of close, intense and loving communication, followed by 2-3 days of meltdown, where I felt a renewed sense of shock and anger at what he'd done. About 5 weeks after discovery day, I made the mistake of telling my H in a good phase that I could forgive and get past this. It was too soon. I had to retract this within days.

After about 7 weeks, I realised that we had got into a pattern of this and I also felt my H was in denial about some issues. This was when I suggested he needed some pyschotherapy. My H interpreted this as a condition of me staying with him and did go away and find a therapist. This helped enormously and was the catalyst we needed.
Although the therapist wasn't really as challenging all the time as much as I would have liked, fortunately I was - and although it took months of what we now called "battles" to get my H to see what I thought was obvious, we finally reached what we now call a shared understanding of not just the affair, but our whole relationship, over 24 years.

Tell us your thought processes since you last posted. As I said in my last, your anger is righteous and understandable.

It seems from your other posts on the other thread that you have renewed doubt about whether they only had sex the once, especially given the continued communication between them thereafter. I imagine that if you have been following another very active thread this week, it will have enhanced your doubts. This will eat away at you. Is there any way you can think of to verify what your H is telling you?

In general, none of us can move on properly until everything is known. That can be a long process - but it is terribly important that the major things - such as how many times, where, when, who knew - are answered in those early days. Your H must understand that evasiveness or lying about these important "factual" issues, which cannot be misconstrued or misunderstood, are deal-breakers for moving on.

What you can probably cope with (but will find frustrating) are the lies and denials about more subjective issues, like his intentions, his feelings, what he was getting from this relationship. On some of the issues, the betrayer deludes himself as much as anyone.

Don't go through this alone - what ever you post, I guarantee I will understand and chances are, will have felt those things too. My H will also have some insights that I can pass on to you for your H too - men really should talk to eachother about this process.

Now come on, spill.

catwalker · 01/04/2010 00:44

I do believe they only had sex once. But I think I'm more concerned about the continuing contact until the ow's husband found out. If I put myself in the ow's shoes I can see how his 'damage limitation/keeping her at arm's length without telling her to f**k off' could be seen as someone who wanted to do more, but knew he shouldn't and that if she just pushed a little more....

I feel as if I've turned into a vile, obsessive, destructive person because I keep wanting to go over it again and again. He's emotionally drained tonight and just keeps saying he doesn't want to talk about that f**king woman any more.

We seem to be in the pattern you've described - a couple of days of really close stuff followed by a couple of days of hell. This is so confusing for my kids, two of whom are teenagers and old enough to be aware of what is going on. I know we need to find someone to talk to, but after the awful counselling session last week, I couldn't face going back there.

I think he is as confused about his motivation as much as I am. If he can't understand why he did this, I sure as hell can't. Unless it's just that I'm such a horrible, unlovable person who drove him to it.

I have spoken to the ow who has taunted me with the suggestion that they were about to have another assignation; that there is 'much more' she could tell me if she wanted to but she won't because I would just tell her husband. I don't know what to believe.

OP posts:
WhenwillIfeelnormal · 01/04/2010 00:56

Oh catwalker I understand completely. Really I do. I also understand where your H is at too. Just as an affair tends to follow a script, so too does the aftermath to an extent.

At about your stage post-discovery, my H was also sayng things like "if you really do want to forgive, you're just going to have to get past this" and "every time we talk about that f**king woman I want to throw up" and on one issue that I kept coming back to because it didn't make sense to me, he shouted at me. That last one felt like a "waterloo moment" when I shouted back that he would never get the chance to hurt me again. I calmed down and told him that I thought he needed professional help, because we weren't getting to the bottom of his denials - and his inability to see the obvious.

My H looks back now and shakes his head at how ridiculous his stance was in those days, but of course we were only weeks on from a time when he was involved in a secret relationship and so with hindsight, it's no surprise he was still behaving like an arse.

I once wrote on here that one of the things no-one tells you about recovery is how this affects a normally sane, laid-back person and turns them into a mistrustful obsessive. This is however completely normal. Cut yourself some slack here. Now, I'm going to post some more thoughts again tonight, but just in case you were going to bed, here's this for now and I'll continue with more.

Keep talking. I can help you.

WhenwillIfeelnormal · 01/04/2010 02:23

Okay - you really do need to understand something crucial - this has got nothing to do with you being an unloveable person. You did not "drive him to it". With the type of affair your H was engaged in, this has got nothing to do with you - or even the OW to an extent - but it really is about him.

If you tell me more about your marriage and especially the time on the lead-up to this "friendship" I will be able to advise you more.

The "why" in your case could be fairly simple - and hugely dependent on your H's character and what he believed about secrets in a marriage, low-level deceit and lies - and critically, his own self-esteem at the point of starting this friendship.

How old is he and how was he feeling about himself before he entered this relationship, even at the "just friends" stage?

Assuming he is at least in his late thirties, there are some reckonings to be done by people at this stage of their lives. Many people feel that they have exhausted their potential - and if they are in long relationships, however much they love their spouse and family, there is a feeling that all the adventures in life are over. The teenagers in the house don't seem to need him as much as they did when they were little, adding to the feelings of semi-redundancy. If you were also a competent, self-assured individual, even you don't seem to need him as much.

And so along comes someone who seems to "get him" - she might also appear needy and confides in him about her unhappy marriage. This appeals to his "rescuer" tendencies and he feels somewhat rejuvenated and galvanised about life again. He has a role and someone is hanging on his every word. The "old stories" that you are so familiar with are new and fresh to this person, who constantly tells him how insightful and wise he is. She even appears to share common interests with him (although often Cat, these are completely feigned interests).

He has a spring in his step going into work. He equates infidelity with sex, so this friendship doesn't trouble him in the least. He may even appear more relaxed and happy at home at this stage.

The she starts to tell him how physically attractive he is. It feels good to be desired after all this time. This is heady and intoxicating. A polite man, he returns the compliments. He doesn't even realise that a line has been crossed, but it has.

They start to communicate outside of work, texting and phoning. At this point, he realises that he needs to be secretive and starts to switch his phone onto silent. He finds excuses to snatch moments to reply to her texts.

The text communication allows them to be far braver about their feelings than face-to-face communication allows. Eventually, another barrier is broken. This usually takes the form of a kiss, an acceptance of mutual feelings or after all this time, a date when they will have sex.

By now, he is completely addicted to the feelings this is giving him - the buzz is intoxicating and too powerful to resist. He keeps telling himself that he won't let this get out of hand, but does nothing to slow its momentum.

Now, if you've managed to timeline this, tell me how he was behaving with you at this pre-assignation stage. Was he distant, did he stop being routinely kind to you? Did he over-react when you expressed dissatisfaction with him? This often happens at this stage, because he is creating a gap between you to allow the affair partner in. He cannot justify going ahead with his plans while things are close and loving between you, so he reduces your connection.

He gets the most enormous thrill out of planning with her what's going to happen at the assignation. She talks a good job and so does he.

The awful guilt will only start to come out when the assignation draws near and realistically he feels he cannot withdraw from it. He doesn't want to either. What was he like then, on that holiday? You said he came home early.

It happens. It often doesn't live up to expectations at all. Instinctively, he knows it was a mistake. But he cannot delude himself any longer and now knows he's been unfaithful. He feels wretched. The OW on the other hand will be enthusing about the encounter and is eager to do it again.

He doesn't want to anger her by saying he really doesn't - and wonders how the hell he's going to be able to let her down gently. He feels guilt for her feelings too. So he reassures her that yes, it was wonderful etc. and perhaps agrees that it will happen again, or says it cannot but in such a wishy-washy fashion that she sees this as a chink. She thinks he is persuadeable.

This did make him see how much he loves you though - and at some point he realised that what was once an adventure has turned into a nightmare. He has dreams about the whole thing coming out. There is now a huge secret between you and it drives a wedge. This may or may not have led to him being argumentative and stressed in the early days after the encounter, but perhaps when it seemed as though this was going to be contained after all, he felt able to "come back to you".

You absolutely need to know what was happening in the contact between them in those 18 months - and whether it waxed and waned. It is probable that on some days, he thought that he could be a bit more risque with her and flirty - and maybe he was even considering a repeat experience at some stage, because the memory of the previous encounter had started to dim and he perhaps remembered it with rose coloured glasses. You need honesty about this, really you do. It is very unlikely that he has been the horrified and guilty husband throughout all his interactions with her.

Right, is the OW saying that it did only happen the once? If so, it did. The other stuff she is saying is merely designed to hurt you. If there had been no second time in those 18 months, there would not have been one after this long gap. However, it is perfectly possible that your husband was allowing her to think there would be another time, for a complex set of reasons.

He needs to come clean about this with you. He did not keep up this contact with her purely to let her down gently and keep her "on side" and out of consideration of her feelings. He was also getting something from the continued contact, the ongoing adoration and desire and he needs to admit this once and for all to himself.

The thing that will bring you enormous closure is for him to sit her down and really tell her how it is. She's probably in a huge pit of denial herself and is telling herself that he's only with you for the children/the lifestyle etc. and she needs some painful but necessary honesty. Is that possible? If not face to face, can he write her a letter or send an E mail that you can see. Since her H knows, meeting her might be out of the question - and if he is a polite but useless at emotional honesty/confontation sort of man, you may have lingering doubts about the message he will convey at this time. Give some thought to this and strike while this is still fresh. I cannot tell you how much closure this will give you.

I suspect the truth here is that this woman was never an alternative to you and he always knew that. He got in too deep and it felt like a road not travelled; an adventure and a challenge. Fortunately he was able to keep a check on his true feelings, but in order to keep that adoration coming his way, he gave it back in equal measure.

He needs to tell her just that. That any declarations of love were polite lies and that he is staying with you because he loves you and always has. That he was a fool to get involved in this adventure and he fully accepts his role in it. That he will spend his lifetime making it up to you. He also needs to tell her what he loves about you. He might never have disparaged you or your marriage to her, but I bet he wasn't effusive about you or your relationship either - again, out of consideration for her feelings and because it wouldn't suit his cause. So he needs to represent you and your marriage much more accurately now. He cannot allow her to sneer at you in this way. There can be no room for doubt in her mind and she will only believe him - she will not believe you for one minute.

His message to the OW will produce the most enormous healing Catwalker. This represents him protecting you and showing her you are a team. There is a wall around you that she - and no-one else - can ever penetrate. It is a one-time opportunity to put her straight once and for all - and actually this level of emotional honesty will bring her closure too. So many OW delude themselves about why men don't leave - and they never really move on. Given what you've said about her, I very much doubt she is giving her H anything like the level of honesty required and that is his misfortune.

This message to her needs to happen now and without further delay. Your recovery will be greatly enhanced by it, I promise you. Once that's done, it will still not be an easy road to travel, but I can help you with the various stages.

Have a think and don't disappear.

catwalker · 01/04/2010 09:17

WWIFN - you are so amazingly perceptive. DH and I read your posts together this morning and he feels like you have a direct link to his head. Much of our arguing has been about my ability to reconcile his actions with what he says. In my cross-examination, frustration, hurt and anger I have been going over and over things trying to provoke a comment or find something else out that would help me make sense of it all and make all the irreconcilable things I know fit into place. What you have done is presented me with a scenario that is credible, but not as hurtful as my wild imaginings. DH says you're not right about everything, but an amazing amount and you've given him - us - lots to think about.

Many of my frustrations are linked to the fact that the thing started too long ago for me to remember much about his behaviour at the time, or for him to remember in detail what was said and done (the cynic in me of course says, 'how convenient for him') He is a very easy going considerate person who rarely loses his temper. Yet there have been a few occasions over the past year when he has been inexplicably angry with me. That makes me wonder how 'detached' he really was from the ow.

I would love to talk to you some more about this and tell you some of the detail. However, this is a public forum and I am wary of posting too much information in case someone I know reads my posts and puts two and two together - god forbid the ow should read what is going on in our marriage and in my head. Is there a way to send personal messages on this forum? I've not been using it long enough to know how things work.

Thank you so much for taking the trouble to write so much and to be so incredibly helpful. Your posts have very much been the oil poured on troubled waters and I feel calmer this morning than I have in a long time.

OP posts:
countingto10 · 01/04/2010 09:27

Thanks for that too WWIFN, I always feel better reading your posts (a year ago tomorrow DH walked out on me for OW so feeling very raw ATM). Like you Catwalker, DH doesn't like talking too much about it, I've got the physical aspects of the affair out in the open eg when, how many times, who knows etc but not so much what was actually going through his head. I know he struggles with the "deeper" aspects of it but it doesn't help the healing.

Good luck Catwalker.

catwalker · 01/04/2010 11:00

Countingto10 - It's easy to interpret a string of hard facts in any number of ways. Like you it's knowing what went on in my dh's head that is hardest to fathom - because he doesn't necessarily know himself. He is a people pleaser, someone who hates confrontation, someone who is brilliant at diffusing arguments and tension so I know he would have couched any protestations to the ow in kind/palatable terms. Unfortunately this is so open to misinterpretation. "go away you stupid woman I can't stand the sight of you" is perhaps clearer in meaning than something along the lines of, "I don't want to hurt you, you're a lovely person, such good company and I don't deserve the attentions of such a wonderful woman, but we can't carry on a relationship at the level you want because people will get hurt ...." is clearly open to the interpretation, "he thinks I'm fantastic and if it wasn't for his kids he'd be with me like a shot..." But would he have said this sort of thing (and I don't know he used any of these words, but I can imagine him doing so)to soften the blow because he is kind OR because deep down he didn't want to end the relationship; he wanted to keep her hanging on so he could enjoy the attention? He doesn't know and I don't know.

But how are you feeling now about everything, a year later? Apart from the pain of an 'anniversary' is it getting any easier? Do you worry about what your dh might do in the future or do you think, like I do about my dh, that he's unleashed such a world of horror on himself, me and the kids, that he would never do that again?

OP posts:
debs05 · 01/04/2010 11:21

I am two years on, and still have really bad days, but more often that not Im fine. We love each other so much, and have 5 kids together. I can't actually believe that I went through it all and survived. We are lucky our friends have been very supportive and mumsnet was a source of constant addiction at the beginning, I read every thread on affairs.

I never thought this would happen to me and thought I would divorce, but when someone is truly sorry and works hard to make things right then you have to move on. But I can honestly say if he ever stepped out of line again, there is no way I would forgive him. For him to see me go through all this hurt and then do it again is actually quite sick.

Im a different person now, Im stronger, Im a student midwife which distracts my thoughts. We have come out the other side and even when I have days where I constantly cry, I make sure he is the one to reassure and comfort me.

I also got revenge!! Which made me feel in control. Your mind will race constantly and sleeping is tough, but he is the one to make this better, make sure you talk, even if its 4am and you cant sleep, wake him up, he has to talk. He has alot of making up to do.

countingto10 · 01/04/2010 11:46

Catwalker, all these men sound very similar, all with similar stresses in their lives, all essentially kind people who did not/do not want to hurt peoples feelings (but ok to hurt DW and DC ), people pleasers and rescuers.

Just had a very difficult conversation with DH about the first time he went to hers one night and did he know that sex would be on the cards. He had chosen not to remember or "go back there" but he has just admitted to me that he knew in all likelihood that sex was on the agenda despite what OW was saying etc (ie come round I am so upset that H might get violent, I need you to talk to).

He has also admitted that he probably needs to go to psychotherapy to get to the real "nuts and bolts" of it all. We did about 4 months at Relate which was very helpful but we did have a very good counsellor.

One year on I don't have so much pain attached to the thoughts anymore although, obviously these coming days/weeks when it really kicked off last year I am really finding difficult atm. He knows he has to help me and talk through it more. He now knows the sort of things I want to know. He keeps saying it like putting your hand into a flame, you know it's going to hurt but you can't help yourself. Midlife crisis had a lot to do with it but he does need to delve into his psyche at the time to help me understand.

Good luck, it's very early days for you.

DEBS05 how did you get revenge ? [evil grin]

debs05 · 01/04/2010 11:52

Well I """damaged""" (smashed every single pain of glass) his brand new BMW, etc etc. Also got revenge on her but Im not disclosing as Ive denied ever doing it .

WhenwillIfeelnormal · 01/04/2010 11:53

catwalker and counting glad it helped. How weird is this Counting? That memory of mine knew it was your "anniversary" this weekend and I was planning to post today to give you a womanly squeeze!

I'm relieved your H had this reaction - this is good. So, what he needs to do is tell you exactly how the truth differs from my account.

I understand exactly what you mean by your H being a people pleaser who dislikes confrontation and unpleasantness. This is part of the problem. My H was just the same and remembers coming out with similar "pleasantries" to dilute the real message. In part it's the adult version of a teenage dumping strategy "It's not you, it's me..." but there is I'm afraid another dimension too. Being too direct and honest in your H's situation could have provoked two unwanted reactions; anger (and therefore discovery) and a cessation of the adoration and ego boost he had become addicted to. What does your H say about what he was getting out of the continued contact? If he says "nothing" I think he's being disingenuous, with himself as much as you.

What do you think about my suggestion of him telling the OW how it was? It's not an easy confrontation - and one your H might have had nightmares about in the past, but part of becoming a changed person is going to be him changing his character in this regard too. He's got to start telling people how it is. My H used to be just the same - never saying "no" to people and shirking necessary confrontations. He has changed this aspect of his character, like so much else.

If your H goes to his own counselling (without you) then this will help him. All of us devise ways of behaving that help us survive the adult world. This resistance to confrontation has a positive side for your H in that he possibly thinks that people think well of him and he rarely has arguments, but the downside with "kind" people like him is that no-one knows where they stand with him. His relationships with people will actually improve if he learns how to be more direct with people.

I also understand your need to reconcile his actions with what he says was in his head. What you will learn to do is to trust the actions - and not his remembered thoughts. If he can do the same process on himself -i.e. trust his actions and not what he thinks was in his head, you will have made a huge leap in your recovery.

Let me give you an example of something that happens a lot in affair recovery situations - and did in ours. The DW will say: "Well, if you really wanted to cool things by that time (key date) how come you sent the OW 36 texts that day?" The H will protest that the texts were anodyne or about everyday rubbish - and at no point loving or sexual - but cannot account for why there were 36 of them. You can see as well as I can what denial is involved here. Chances are, at least some of those texts he would be horribly embarrassed for you to see - and the fact that he picked up his phone 36 times demonstrates in his actions that he really was getting something out of this.

Your H will also exaggerate how volatile and hysterical the OW could be to explain why he was mollifying her in this way - but at least some of this is a very convenient excuse for what he was getting out of the interaction.

Sadly, I don't do CAT (the method for posters to communicate with one another directly) but if you really feel I can help you, I will give it some thought.

WhenwillIfeelnormal · 01/04/2010 13:02

catwalker can I share something from our experience that will illustrate what I am talking about, in terms of your H's denial?

In the weeks on the run-up to discovery day, my H says that he "was doing everything in his power to end it with OW". At least some of his actions bear that out - and fortunately he had kept some E mails from her which he subsequently showed me that verified this. By this time, the constant contact had become an irritant (most of the time) and so he was slower to respond, less gushy etc.

Since he was not totally morally bankrupt even at this stage, he had a "rule" that if she ever asked him direct questions about whether he would leave me, loved me etc., he would tell her the truth. She asked a series of such direct questions at this stage and got answers she didn't want to hear. In a fit of pique, she then asked him whether he thought she should make a go of her marriage. It further piqued her when he replied that yes she should. The E mail I saw was full of her rage and disappointment and her acknowledgement that her marriage was very different to ours and that she accepted that ours was a happy marriage.

So far so good - his actions seemed in congruence with what he says was in his head.

This led to yet another foot-stomping exercise on her part though and her asking him to end the relationship if that's what he wanted. He said he did want that and in an angry exchange, she retreated.

Like before however, she came back within a day or so and a text exchange started along the lines of "we can still be friends though..." My H always maintained that he found himself getting "sucked in" yet again and since she was now being quite reasonable, he kept up the contact. This was only partly true however. Although I've got no doubt that he did not want to see her sexually again, he wasn't quite ready to give up on the buzz of having someone out there who adored him in this way.

So he refused further meetings with her, but just as he did at the start of this relationship when he held out for 10 months of refusals to meet her, his excuses for not doing so were open to interpretation.

It took us nearly a year for him to finally accept that what might well have happened was that he would have caved in again. Or, she would have retreated for a few months and started it all up again - undiscovered, he would have got a renewed buzz from it and it may have started in some form again. I cannot tell you how unshakeable he was in his insistence that no, this wouldn't have happened, but you see, his actions spoke louder than what he said was in his head.
He had caved in before, he was still getting a buzz from it - and having never had to confront the horrible consequences of his actions, in all likelihood this would have taken off in some form again.

His acceptance of this was protracted and came in stages. For about 6 months, he was insistent that he would have ended it, since he definitely didn't want to see her again. After 6 months or so, he accepted that he was "still getting something from the contact" and finally, after a year he acknowledged the truth of what I was saying.
Once you get that acceptance, you can move on and deal with it. There is a period when you shudder about how your life would have been if this had rumbled on undiscovered, but you can heal from things when you have a shared understanding.

Some of your anger will be coming from his persistent denials that it wasn't like that, he didn't feel like that - when you can see that his actions are pointing to only one conclusion. At times you will want to hit him for this denial - I once famously said to my H "If it looks like a banana, tastes like a banana and everyone else thinks it's a banana, it IS a banana!"

You will feel like an obsessed monster and your H will feel battle-weary and emotionally drained by your refusal to accept what he is telling you, but he needs to dig deep here - really he does. He also needs to reverse your roles. Would he have the same belief in you if you were telling him these things?

The continued texts to OW in your case were in all probability pathways and not closed gates. He needs to accept this for you to move on.

Vexed · 09/04/2010 11:30

catwalker - can you CAT me? New to Mumsnet, looking for help, having a bad day - found out 8 weeks ago.

Karmann · 09/04/2010 11:34

Vexed, do you feel up to starting your own thread? I only ask because there are some wonderful ladies on here that can help you. Many of us, sadly, know exactly how you feel.

HappyWoman · 09/04/2010 17:05

vexed - if you want you can cat me - been there too.

Hope you are ok catwalker

LeQueen · 09/04/2010 18:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WhenwillIfeelnormal · 09/04/2010 19:10

That's a shame LeQueen. Given that you've posted supportively to people who have managed to do this, presumably you wish you weren't like this?

Wounded ego and hurt pride often get in the way of what is best for us in life - and they are the very worst emotions as a basis for such monumental decisions.

LeQueen · 09/04/2010 20:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

abedelia · 10/04/2010 15:52

LeQueen - don't think you know yourself that well! Seriously, before I went through it I would have said exactly as you do - I too am very demanding of myself and therefore others (which is probably why I had such a hard time of it - much related to the fact that I couldn't forgive myself for failing to see what was going on under my nose for ages, let alone him...).

After a few weeks a small voice in me started to tell me my position was a bit daft, especially since it would cause my children everlasting damage and when I started to consider the alternative I found I could be receptive to trying to heal the relationship after all.

sayithowitis · 10/04/2010 16:28

Actually, I think that for me it would not be a problem to forgive DH if he ever did this, but I know I would never be able to forget and it is that that would mean I would be unable to move on. People think it is a marvellous thing to be 'blessed' with a good memory. But there are times when it is a curse and this would be one of those times. So I sympathise with LeQueen and I suspect that like her, I have the utmost respect and admiration for women who manage to do something that I know, no matter how hard I tried, I could never do.

abedelia · 10/04/2010 22:02

Sod forgiving or forgetting. I have learned to live with it, that's all! Live and learn, and god knows I have learned al lot, both about him and also about me. But then again, my H would certainly say the same - and he now knows how much he values me, that's for sure...

Karmann · 10/04/2010 22:42

Abedelia - I am with you. I think the best you can do is learn to live with it.

poshwellies · 10/04/2010 22:58

Yes.

and it was me who was had the 'fling'.

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