Thank you everyone, for your kind and supportive words. I'm pleased the thread is serving it's purpose.
When I was living with abuse, I found there was much literature out there explaining types of abuse and the impact this can have, all of which I could relate to. Yes, it validated how I was feeling but nothing I read gave me the 'bright side', which is that there is help out there. I needed to leave, I knew that, but I also had a need to know what I was facing.
There was nothing out there that I could find so I took a huge leap of faith, right into the hands of WA! And, from the moment we stepped into the refuge a huge weight was lifted from us. I described it at the time, and still do describe the feeling, as stepping into heaven, moving from a state of anxiety and fear to one of calm, warmness and love.
I started to thread in hope of providing the reassurance that I was desperately seeking at the time. I had no idea what a refuge looked like, where we would sleep, would I be able to look after DD in there, would people be telling me what to do, would social services become involved...
The truth is, I was treated with respect for the first time in a long time. I had autonomy over my life, I was able to make decisions for myself, take DD out shopping and buy her clothes that SHE liked, go to the supermarket and buy food WE liked, sleep peacefully throughout the night without fear this person would come into my bedroom and sexually abuse me, I could sit down with DD and watch a TV programme or read a book without being punished. And no, social services were not interested in us because I had safeguarded DD by leaving so that added to the relief.
Spending time in refuge allowed time for my body to heal and my mind to begin the adjustment which comes from leaving an abusive situation. I had counselling whilst living there but the real work began once I was living alone with DD. I underestimated how deeply I had been affected by the abuse, I had become conditioned to it and I did feel a little bit lost without having the reassurance, the security and calmness of the refuge environment. However, I was able to reach out to WA for extended support outside of the refuge so, once again, they helped me through my challenges.
I was determined for my experience in refuge to be a positive one, for that period of time to be the starting point to a whole new life for me and DD and a change of a way of life for me. I had grown up with an abusive mother, I had been conditioned to accept abuse and feel comfortable with it which I believe is why I tolerated so much from the ex. I was used to it. So, I made a determined effort to change 'me'. I threw myself into study, got a part time job which allowed me to still support DD, transitioned to full time and worked out who I was what I wanted my life to be.
And here I am, coming up to nine years later, still single, a successful professional woman with a fantastic career, homeowner and extremely happy.
I look at my DD and I see a strong, intelligent young woman who is happy and funny, starting out on her journey with adulthood with self respect, healthy boundaries and fantastic goals which I fully support. I feel so proud of how far she has come too and it makes me so happy to know that she will not fall into the same trap of tolerating any situation which makes her feel uncomfortable. She 'get's it', that much is evident with how she manages the dynamics of her friendship groups and that makes me feel so proud!!
So, we accepted help from WA and we ran with it. And to this day, stepping into that refuge was The Best move we EVER made. [fmsile]