After many years of living with a miserable, abusive bully I finally had enough and called Women's Aid for help. They were wonderful and put me in touch with my local refuge who were equally as wonderful. Within half an hour of making the call I was found a place in a refuge which I gratefully accepted. I had a few things to organise so arranged to go in the next day. A mini bus was sent to collect me, DD and all the belongings we could manage to take. Upon arriving I was greeted with a smile and a welcome cup of coffee. All my belongings were unloaded and taken up to our room. DD was shown around by the child support worker then taken to the play room where she had a brilliant time playing while I had a weep and a chat and filled in all the paperwork. From the moment we stepped inside that door DD and I were supported and taken care of like never before. From that moment I felt like a huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders, it was like stepping into heaven.
For years I had thought about ringing Women's Aid and asking for help but the thought of a refuge put me off. I had a vision in my mind of what it would be like, the kind of people that would be in there. I couldn't have been more wrong. DD and I have our own bedroom, bathroom and kitchen. We share a lounge with the other ladies in there along with a laundry room which has the most fantastic washing machine and dryer!! The refuge is clean, it's warm and it's wonderful! The support workers are fantastic and have helped me every step of the way with everything, claiming benefits, housing applications, counselling and supporting DD. Whatever I need they provide.
The main reason I put off going into a refuge was because of DD, I was worried about how it would affect her. How I wish I hadn't worried and had done it sooner. DD has flourished. Away from the abuse and the tension in the house she has really grown in confidence and is a happy, smiling, laughing little girl. I thought I was protecting her from the abuse, I thought I hid it well but since moving to the refuge, since seeing the changes in her I now know different. I wasn't really protecting her, she was, in her own little way, taking care of me. Now she has a happy, relaxed mummy she has no need to do that and so can enjoy being a little girl, probably for the first time in her seven years. It's wonderful to see
The reason I wanted to start this thread was to try to reassure anyone who thinks they are trapped in an abusive relationship, really not wanting to go into a refuge, they have nothing at all to worry about. Nothing to lose but everything to gain. You won't be judged, you won't be questioned, you will be welcomed with open arms and taken care of. You will be free to talk until your heart is content and cry as much as you like. You will have someone who understands what you are going through and all those problems you thought were too big to handle will suddenly seem small because you will have someone to share them with, someone to help you. You won't have to answer to anyone, you can come and go as you please, totally free of abuse.
You can stay as long as you like too. The support workers are just that, support workers. They don't try to influence you either way. If it's just a break from the abuse you need and then you choose to go back, that's fine. If the relationship is over and you want to stay until you are rehoused then that is fine too. It may be that for the first time in a long time the decisions are all yours, you are in control of your life!
If you are in an abusive relationship, tolerating it because you think you have no choice, because you think a refuge isn't for you, I hope my post has helped you in some way. I didn't think a refuge was for me either but it turns out that it is more of a home than the house I lived in ever was.