Is this my epiphany - I'm soiled goods?

[Bobbins]

OK, I'm being a little bit of a drama queen here. But, I have just had a sudden (unsettling) thought that the reason why my nice catholic boyfriend, who I love very dearly, would not want children with me (or anyone else....he claims(!?)), ould be due to the fact that I have already had one child by another man. A soiled womb. I know it sounds archaic, but I feel like relations between men and women are in ways doomed to be archaic.

Forgive me ....I have finally gotten round to reading the first few chapters of "The Red Tent" and I am wondering about the whole sex, birth, death, man, woman thing and how this whole cycle can ever really CHANGE???????

I have, in the past lied about the previous number of sexual partners I've experienced, but there is no way I can deny the fact that I have previously been pregnant, laboured, breastfed and raised a child to meet his ten month roundness. I've just had this dreadful realisation that my pproud feelings about all of this might somehow be unattractive to a subsequent partner.

I remeber thinking it was quite undesirable to have different children by different men. When Harvey's left me that was one of my biggest fears, even though he was a complete arse I wanted another baby like Harvey, I didn't want to have another child with a different man. I have somehow managed to block this out until now. I suppose I am looking at this situation from my new partners perspective for the first time. I'm damaged goods, no matter how much you hope those attitudes do not prevail!

eugh

[ThomCat]

I've just been catching up on posts since coming back from hols and just wanted to say I hope you're feeling a LOT better today. it was horrible to hear you describe yourself as 'solied', you gave birth to a beautiful baby boy - Harvey, how could that ever make you solied? I really hope you're OK and that you have lots of lovely babies and a long and happy future with your new man