having a affair

[Heartbox]

I am one that is
I am in a unhappy marriage a very long story
BUT then it always is!!!
Its not easy

You are caught between doing the right thing as a person, as a mum, as a wife
BUT what about being a woman??
I have been on here for years and have namechanged
BUT its not fair
You can come on here and get called a troll or slaugherted

I am doing something that I never thought I would
But here I am doing it
No regeretts
But you have that void
maybe its "fairytale" but ............
wtf am I suppose to do
Affairs are`nt right
but then ..........
so come on bring it on
Bring me down!
There is never a winner
I am the one sat here at this timne all alone waiting.........
He is not married but I am

Is this a poem?

Unfortuntley NO
its my life wish is was so simple I could send the poem of for some poem book LOL Having a affair is NOT the answer I am sat here on my own H is in bed its so cold Yes you would say I would deserve it BUT I dont
so............

H thinks that if he buys me things he can put it all right
BUT he can`t
He could/should have listened
BUT NO he knew best
and know look at the fucking mess!!!
I am trying to do the best I can but I know I look forward to phone calls ,to meet-ups and then I remove myself BUT it s not real life
SO i am caught
My own doing I know
But its fucking shit

Is this the new Eurovision entry?

Jeer all you like said
BUT this is it
My life
SHIT
On the outside people/friends won`t believe it
"how could I"
But thanks to MN I know where I belong

Arty farty explanations and all... One piece of advice, if you have dcs, just think about how you would explain it all to them! The rest of us don't matter.

{grin} at said.

Not going to slate you, ive done similar , and it ended extremeley badly and i regret it terribly. I understand re being a woman ect, but dont you deserve a happy marriage or happy singledom , not some idiot bloke who thinks its ok to shag another mans wife ? Why settle for less ?

Fwiw i now hate the OM with a vengeance. I wasnt happy at the time and wasnt thinking straight . He was a chancer who felt he had a right to stick his face into another mans family. And it wasnt real, none of it, just a fantasy crap fling based on bullshit and an opportunity to escape the misery of daily life.

I assume om knows your H ? Listen carefully to what hes telling you before you get further involved " Im a liar and i think its ok to shag other mens wives , oh and ill tell her i love her ect to add to the thrill ".

Hes probably a twat op.
Why not go to counselling, perhaps by yourself at first, or just end your marriage altogether. You sound really angry, do you think it possible this is a sort of revenge ?

I told my exh i was unhappy for years and still nothing changed. Subconsciously mine was a bit of a revenge thing. I wasnt even bothered about getting caught. Despite the fact my H was an arse i still feel terribly guilty about it, i wish id left my marriage with my dignity intact.

Why can i never do the faces thing ?

Heartbox

I had one too
I was where you are
I was happy for a while
but then reality caught up
there is no happy ending coming.

You have to face the pain of ending it
the confession of wronging someone you care for and share your life with. The children whose lives you might have smashed.

If you are lucky as I am he will care enough to listen and understand and try to help.

Now I am healing. It is hard
But it is better than living in pain apart

Be brave
You can do it too

Square brackets, dignified. Don't use shift. []

I had a brief emotional affair (about 3 months) over the internet, as a kind of exit strategy. XH had been so peculiar about me and other men for our entire time together that it was, strangely, a relief to know that I was finally being effectively unfaithful to him, so he couldn't upset me with the accusation any more - that makes no sense at all but it was the headspace I was in at the time. It was never consummated but that was more to do with circumstances than my conscious choice. In a very short while the OM-that-wasn't came out as a not very nice person anyway, so I was glad it hadn't gone further. But by then the "damage" had been done and the marriage was, thank heaven, thoroughly broken. I kind of wish now I hadn't even had the emotional bit, as I'm far from proud of it, but then I wonder if I would still be married to the weird one if I hadn't, so it is probably just one of those things that had to happen.

heartbox..
can you say why your marriage is unhappy and whether you want it to be over irrespective of the om?

You will find a lot of support on MN for trying to make your life better -whether with your H or without.

You wont get much support for an affair - and lots of experience of other Mumsnetters where it has ended really badly - for you and most importantly for your innocent small children.

Hi I'm not going to have a go at you - I think you must be in enough pain without anyone making it worse. I know exactly where you are coming from in your need for an affair. I too have felt that way several times. BUT what I always said to myself and what I stand by now is that if you need to have an affair then your marriage is over. Why don't you leave? I'd like to know.

Why give the choice of your future to either of these men.

Tell your h - yes it may end your marriage but surely better than if om tells him?

Be decent

I remember you posting on a thread before. If I remember rightly, your husband had found out about your affair and ended your relationship and then had a change of mind. You responded to him changing his mind by blaming him (on here) for wanting to give things another go with you and plunging you into further turmoil - and through all this, you carried on with your affair.

Sorry, I don't think you are taking one bit of responsibility for this. I think you have cast yourself as a tragic heroine for whom life happens all around her. Sorry if that is harsh, but you are a grown adult woman and part of that is to stop blaming fate, others or life in general for what is shitty behaviour.

Stop blaming your husband for your affair by the way - you had a choice to accept the way he was treating you, or get out. Instead you chose an affair.

My life was shit while my h was having his affair (i didnt know at the time but I knew it wasnt right).
Once I did i made a choice to never live a shit life again.

Think about your poor husbands life and how shit his must be.

WhenwillI said everything I wanted to say...

Sorry OP, but Grow Up! Either work on your unhappy marriage or get out.

You'll be coming out with 'It was an accident, I slipped and fell on his dick' in a moment....

I echo HappyWoman's 'Be Decent'

Dignity and integrity.

Poor you.

Is that what you want to hear?

I find the self pity, evident in your OP, is as gross in it's self indulgence as an affair.

"wtf am I suppose to do
Affairs are`nt right
but then .........."

Get a grip, stop hurting your family and yourself, no "but"s.

There are some things in life that will give us a thrill.

I love fast cars and isnt it so tempting to just speed around the road - the thrill, the excitment, even the fear of getting caught.

Yeah yeah - i know i could kill or injure an innocent person but i just cant stop myself............ dont i deserve to be happy?????

Would you give me any sympathy???
poor me i know it is wrong but i just cant stop myself and i cant be responsible for others on the road - everyone knows the risks anyway????

well you get the idea - we can all find excuses if we want to.

it was an OM which helped haul me out of my brutal,violent marriage....it wasnt an affair,but he helped me see men wouldnt instantly write me off just because i had 4 dc!

there is a difference between looking beyond your marriage and acting on it knowing you will be lying and leading your spouse on.
I know people become attracted and tempted outside their marriage and i have never said anyone should stay in an unhappy marriage.
But to lie and deceive i believe can only lead to heartache.

It was an OM who made me realise I needed to leave my marriage.

I didn't have an affair with him.

I did leave the marriage with respect dignity and an amicable split acknowedging that the marriage could not be salvaged despite our best efforts. Sometimes it's better to part ....than stay and take the path of an affair... no actually what am I saying!!!! It's ALWAYS better to leave than to have an affair.

Sometimes it takes an affair to make you realise that your marriage is not what you want. Sometimes an affair is because you are bored.

My affair was a way of speeding up the split with DH although I didn't consciously realise that at the time. You need to decide what it is you want. Do you want OM or do you just want something other than your DH? Or do you just want excitement, because if that's the case, there are other ways rather than breaking up your family.

But it does sound like you waiting to be found out so you can move on. This is what happened to me, and although it's terrifying, it's the right thing. Think hard about what you really want.