When I was with XP, who sounds similar to your H, I used to find it very upsetting to read or hear about husbands and partners who were caring, and nice, and romantic without strings attached - or who didn't pester for sex, or who were respectful and spoke to their wives as equals, and considered them friends as well as lovers. I used to feel so envious of people who had partners like this, for a while I even believed these men were rare and that most men were like my (X)P. I used to think back to my previous boyfriend (who believe me had BIG faults) and miss him incredibly, because he would touch me affectionately, because he would apologise if he accidentally hurt me (ie normal things like bumping into someone or making a hand gesture and accidentally catching someone with your arm) - and my partner at the time did not do these things. It was so so upsetting to think that I had picked him, and I had to get by without affection, or respect, or being treated as an equal, because I loved him for other reasons (For what?? I wonder now! I knew at the time.) I used to have conversations (just normal friendly conversations) with XP's friends and wish that I could have those kind of conversations with him. I remember feeling proud that I was "strong enough" not to cheat on him, thinking how easy it would be to fall for one of his friends in comparison to him! All his previous girlfriends had cheated on him - a fact he liked to remind everyone of at every possible opportunity - and it was obvious that he expected me to do the same.
But still, despite all this, despite sticking by him, I still dreamed about my knight in shining armour who would come and take me away - about falling for one of his friends, or about bumping into my ex-boyfriend and things escalating, even though I knew I would never do it, and I felt guilty for thinking these things, but it didn't stop me from thinking them anyway. And eventually I realised, why am I staying with him, when I want to be with someone who is completely different to him? Surely when you are in love, you don't think about other people. If he is so wonderful, why does everyone else - even men I know are far from perfect - seem like a step up from this? And I realised that by staying with him, if I ever met this perfect man, they would pass me by - they would see I was with someone and move on. And I would miss that chance to be in that perfect relationship. And then I realised that I didn't really need anyone at all and I would be happy enough on my own without anyone in my life for the immediate future, and I moved on, and I left. And I am HAPPY And I never realised quite how unhappy I was then, until now.