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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I am lonely and a complete billy no mates

76 replies

Shufflingroundthesides · 01/03/2010 22:19

I have namechanged because i have posted about this before and i am embarrassed that nothing has changed.
People always let me down
I am a good friend
Why the hell cant i find a friend like me?
I had to sit at soft play again today alone .while all around me were groups of mums chatting away.It hammered home to me how lonely i feel sometimes.
Dont know how i will ever change this situation?
I have one friend atm who i have known all my life but she comes in out of my life depending on whats happening in her life at the time.
Thats it

OP posts:
OurLadyOfPerpetualSupper · 01/03/2010 22:53

Rindercella that's so true. I remember someone I worked with saying that when she was on maternity leave loads of her neighbours knocked on her door and got her involved in all their mummy social lives.

I had loads of neighbours with babies as we lived in a part if London known as 'nappy valley' but people tended to stick within their NCT groups.

I think this sort of thing really is depressing - you might actually be depressed, although addressing one won't necessarily solve the other.

Can't really advise as I'm still the one no one talks to in the playground but you have my sympathy.

Heated · 01/03/2010 22:54

Darn, really can't keep up with threads. No not Livingstone, but Northants/Leic way with some dipping into Warkwickshire for work.

Original poster
Shufflingroundthesides · 01/03/2010 22:57

Ah so close Heated but not quite close enough

OP posts:
Heated · 01/03/2010 23:02

No worries. Sorry for misreading and doubling the number of children you have! Am going to dip out now as I really need sleep before facing the hordes but if you feel like a chat, then will be around a bit in the evening tomorrow (before tuning into One Born Every Minute!)

Original poster
Shufflingroundthesides · 01/03/2010 23:05

Thanks heated you are kind

OP posts:
Heated · 01/03/2010 23:06

Did mean to ask which 3 places ThreeBlondeBoys? Assuming you are Bedfordshire from an earlier post which is south of me, I think? My dad used to live in Sandy Beds and went to Bedford School.

Anyway, definitely now off to bed.

ShrinkingViolet · 01/03/2010 23:11

can/do you invite any of your DCs friends back to play/for lunch/tea? That's how I've made my local school-ey friends/aquaintances, or by chatting at clubs/activities. And don't be put off by suggesting weeknds for DC's lunch/tea as lots of people (especially those with older DCs) have far too much going on during the week to be able to fit it in, and quite enjoy a weekend playdate chance to get on with other stuff without DCs around.

It's hard though, I've been there, and although I do stand by myself in the playground most days, I have noddign aquaintance with several mums, and chatting to levels with one or two (two terms into a new school).

Original poster
Shufflingroundthesides · 01/03/2010 23:19

My oldest doesnt really have any friends she flits around like a butterfly because all the girls in her class have paired up
The youngest is too young to have made any friends at preschool.Actually she did have one but she moved away.
It seems like we are a family of billy no mates

OP posts:
olderandwider · 02/03/2010 08:51

Do you work from home,shuffling? If so, have you thought about joining some sort of networking group? The pressure to "be friends" is less, and you can perhaps link up with similar women under the guise of sharing ideas/contacts/ just new ways of working? Sorry if this is inappropriate, but I have several friends who felt very isolated working at home and found that joining a network of people in the same boat was a real help. Your local authority/council may have details of groups in your area.

OurLadyOfPerpetualSupper · 02/03/2010 08:57

Right, you sound as if you're lacking in confidence, maybe suffering from social anxiety?

I've been reading a good book recommended here, 'Evolving Self Confidence' by Terry Dixon.
Sorry can't link from my itouch.

I'm still only half-way through, but have found some useful insights already, and, while I'm by no means transformed into the life and soul of the party, at least I'm now more accepting and forgiving of myself, which must be a start.

If you do start reading it, I'd be happy to swap notes on progress. But please at least coveider it as it's miseable to live your life feeling like an outsider.

OurLadyOfPerpetualSupper · 02/03/2010 08:58

Coveider? -consider.

YearoftheDodo · 02/03/2010 09:03

Are you warwickshire, because I've just moved here and work from home and HAVE NO FRIENDS!!!!?

Been here over 6 months now and I find it so hard to make friends too.

Heated · 02/03/2010 20:48

Warwickshire is lovely, we are thinking about moving over the 'border' for the dcs' education and to reduce the commute for at least one of us.

Hi SRTS, you ok today? Your eldest sounds like mine, he's keen for a best friend but at that age a lot of the boys are at the "You can't play my game" stage, something ds finds mystifying.

leamac · 02/03/2010 21:02

omg you sound like me

I have no friends either, I have 4 kids who are all very popular and have loads of friends but me I have none, I moved to a new area a few years ago and just don't fit in, everyone here has well established friendships and have family around them, don't worry though, this time will pass and friends will appear when you least expect them too

specialsmasher · 02/03/2010 21:11

Am watching this, as I have started TWO threads on this before. It's very depressing, and I feel embarrassed too - I have had this problem forever really, since sixth form. I get on with people at work, but I never get counted as a real friend - never invited to weddings or whatever, though my dh is, so I do go...

It is hard. And so difficult to force - it sounds obvious, but everyone seems to have their friends sorted by a certain age. Threads like this show otherwise, but it is very difficult to make new friends nonetheless.

You have my sympathies.

LadyintheRadiator · 02/03/2010 21:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

specialsmasher · 02/03/2010 21:13

"but it's bridging the gap between 'acquaintance' and 'friend' that is hard. I don't want to look desperate, just friendly."

Yes - that is the most difficult thing by far.

Original poster
Shufflingroundthesides · 02/03/2010 21:17

Olderandwiser-I dont work from home no.Thanks for the idea anyway.

Yearofthedodo-Im not in Warwickshire sorry wish i was

OurLadyOfPerpetualSupper-The book sounds interesting i might give it a go thanks
I suppose i do have some sort of social anxiety.

Things not great at home either
Told dh tonight that i dont think im in love with him anymore.God he is my best friend and all i have

OP posts:
Original poster
Shufflingroundthesides · 02/03/2010 21:19

specialsmasher-Thats it you hit the nail on the head about never getting beyond aquaintence.

OP posts:
Original poster
Shufflingroundthesides · 02/03/2010 21:20

re- the evening classes i work 4 evenings a week so there isnt much chance of going to any.

OP posts:
Heated · 02/03/2010 21:31

Shuffling, any chance you could change working arrangements or even jobs so you got to socialise with other adults, beyond that related to children?

Original poster
Shufflingroundthesides · 02/03/2010 21:50

If i changed jobs then i would have to work more hours as this job is reasonably paid.
Although im not sure i want to do it forever tbh.

OP posts:
Heated · 02/03/2010 22:13

Oh that's a bugger. Many more hours? Just thinking about the trade off but only you can know if it's worth it. Does it free you to do anything in the daytime or is that when you sleep?

Original poster
Shufflingroundthesides · 03/03/2010 13:14

yeh would prob mean working a fair few hours more and would include weekends/shifts.
I have most mornings free and my youngest will be starting school in Sept.So that will free up more time.

God i feel my life is a wreck

OP posts:
mummee09v · 03/03/2010 14:02

hello, just wanted to say to the OP, i really sympathise as i am in the same situation.

just moved to a new area and it seems none of my old friends can be arsed to come and see me anymore - i have been to see them a few times but it always seems to be me arranging things, and i am fed up of always being the one making the effort when they cant be bothered to come and see me.

i have had a circle of about 4 or 5 really close female friends but only one of them has even seen my new house. i am really happy in it, its a lovely house in a much better area than where i was but i am so lonely.

my kids are 9 months and nearly 4, i work weekends but i am so lonely in the week. there is a sure start center near me but i am shy when i meet new people and daren't go.

so if anyone is in the leicester area and wants to meet up message me!!!!

also - OP - it sounds like you are having a bit of a hard time in general do keep posting there is good advice to be had on here.xx