MIL from hell

[xkatyx]

Hi,

I honestly do think i have the MIL from hell, actually never met anyone like her, she is rude, drinks far to much and basically will make you feel so unwelcome.

Me and my DH have been together for 9 years and have 2 children. when i first met her she wouldnt even look at me!!!

When we had our first son she didnt bother comming to see him till he was a couple of weeks old and when she did she bought her other grandchild who had the chicken poxs at the time, and didnt understand why i was angry?!

at our wedding she was rude to everyone didnt smile in any pictures and didnt talk to anyone.

at my sons chrisening she started a big row and decided to bring my DH partner up and how well they were suited, whom she wanted to invite to our wedding!!

she has no time for my DH or my children infact 4 months after my daughter was born she was drunk and called us calling me all the names under the sun which didnt bother mem untill she got onto my kids!! saying how they are not normal and i molly cuddle them to much and she never wanted to see them its only she felt she had to etc etc, so like any mother i went mad and it all got a bit nasty!!

That was about 3 and half years ago. recently i lost my father and my DH realised how much he missed his father so contacted his dad and hos mother picked up again very rude and put phone down. his dad said we have to appologise to her if anything is to go a head with them .. how can i possibly appologise .. sorry for the long post she just makes me soooo angry!!!

Exscuse me????? im asking for advice not your rudeness!!!!!

yes i do have to see her as she is my husbands mother!!!

if you have nothing nice to say dont bother posting!!

jeez mumblechum, did you read the whole post? op says her dp wants to be in touch with his dad, but the dad won't until he and op apologise to mil. which, understandably they don't want to do. so she is frustrated. why would you post something so mean in reply. perhaps you should get over yourself and not reply to posts if you have nothing constructive to say.

thank you very much yelpol

You say you are asking for advice but I don't see a question in your post.

OP, your DH wants to try again with his parents, and your DC should get to know their GPs. Three and a half years have passed with no contact, and yet bitterness remains on the part of both you and your MIL.

Is there any way you can back down with grace, and be the more mature person?

I havent't got any advice but don't listen to mumblechum - there was no need for that!

I'm reasonably lucky with my in laws and always thank my lucky stars when I read about othr people's on here.

It would be nice for your DH and children to have a relationship with DH's father but I don't think you need to apologise.

Letting off frustration as i dont want to up set my DH and make it harder for him.
Its a horrible situation to be in as its his mother but we dont get on.
just wanted to vent my anger and if anyone had any advice or suggestions.

Encourage your children and dh to see them.

You need have nothing to do with her if you don't want to - its not compulsory honestly

And you will get some time to yourself when they pop off to visit.

I would LOVE for them to get to know them, my dad died recently who they were so close to, i know that my DH parents would never ever replace him but for them to know them and actually have grand parents would be great.

His mum doesn't really want anything to do with our kids, i honestly dont know why they are lovely kids very polite .. i just dont know how to handle the situation or how to approach it. its so hard becaus emy DH used to be so close to his dad.

She isnt just rude to the us she is to the kids, when my son went into the kitchen to ask for a drink she actually said "what do you want" i wouldnt feel happy them being around her untill some things change.

my Dh called his dad at work the other day and my Ds got to talk to him and i said it would be great if my DH could pop by his work with the kids they would love that, but thats when the whole " you have to appologise to your mother came up"

So there's no way DH's dad would see just DH and/or the DC, without involving MIL? (Yes, I do mean "sneaking around behind her back", I suppose)

The reason she doesn't like your kids?

Maybe cos she sounds like a rancid, drunken old bitch who doesn't like anything out of your loins.

With you taken out of the equation maybe she will be nice to them.

You don't have to worry - I'm sure you're lovely and you don't have to worry about pleasing her - sounds like you have done enough to be nice to her over the years.

Just let dh get on with it and take the high road.

And try and have some sympathy for her (hard though i imagine it is) as she could be an alcoholic or have some mental health problems from what you have posted as she sounds irrational.

Sorry for the loss of your dad,
I think you need to stand your ground, you have nothing to apologize for.

Tell your DH if he wants to see this woman then it is up to him but you and your children are staying away from the rude, spitful drunk

It doesn´t really sound as if your children are missing out in not seeing her tbh.

After all this time I would have thought that they could just have let it go.

Part of me can´t help thinking that neither of them are that bothered about their son grandchildren.

My Dh doesnt want anything ti with his mum, they had an awful relatioship before i came along. She also wont admit out kids are my DH's even though they look like mini hubby.

She isnt a drunk as such but she will drink and then ring people up and start arguments.. ermmm maybe this is actually a drunk i really dont know. she is alot like this with her other granchild apart from 1 who she has a very very major addiction to where its all she talks about etc and actually hold a christmas day just for this granchild. i think maybe she resents our kids for something along those lines. My Dh's sister also does not get on with her mum same reasons. its all very difficult.

But i think you are all right, ill take the high road i think jst plod along , and hopefully DH'S dad will be pleased to see my husband and kids if they turn up.

I dont think they are diddl which really upsets me i suppose any mother? i mean who couldnt imagine anyone loving there kids let alone there grandparents. i know mothers are byast but its hard to understand they really are good kids, i think so anyway .. they have my mum and she really does make up for everything she loves them more than anything, so your right they really arent missing out.

could you let your dh be in contact with his parents if he wished take the kids round etc but you stay away?
I hate confrontation so avoid it at all cost, this is what i'd do

I just dont think she would want kids round to be honest, and ill be damed if im forcing my babies on her, or "begging" her to love them.

No no no after reading some advice on here there right, she knows where we r (15 mins up the road) my DH has his own mind if he wants to see them great but im not forcing my kids on them, if they want to see them thats diffrent ill will invite them over or something.

Even if you apologise it will probably only be a matter of time before she kicks up a fuss about something or other again and contact is lost.

The only way round it would be if your FIL had a mobile then he could have access and leave MIL to her own devices. Unless of course she is manipulating him which it sounds like she is fully doing.

By the way the answer is yes - she sounds like she has drink problem.

YOu don't need to get over yourself - in a partnership you often have to deal with difficult ils - it's not easy to simply say you won't see her. I'd love not ever to see my mil but my dh is a mummy's boy the extreme and I have to see her - she's abroad and there's no way in this world I'd let my kid go overseas without me. I don't trust her.

I don't get why your dh not much involved with his df. However, is she OK around your kids - are your kids OK around her - this is the starting point. Obviously if she drinks too much that's an issue however, if there is nothing for your dh to apologise for he shouldn't. Your mil shouldn't hold all these people to ransom.

Any chance of getting her over and getting your dh to have it out once and for all?

Even if you did apologise it will only be a matter of time before she's off on one again.

But if your DH s that bothered you could reach an agreement whereby you apologise (for what? though) on the proviso that the next time she is rude contact is cut again and your DH's father carries on seeing the kids.

If it was me I wouldn't bother with any of them . She sounds like a mean spirited selfish old bitch who has no interest in them anyway.

I sympathise - my ExH's mother had similar traits. She was an alcoholic and utterly selfish and self-obsessed. If it wasn't all about her ahe just wasn't interested. When I told her I was pregnant with my first DS, she said 'What a hassle - another Christening'. I wasn't particularly gob-smacked as this was so typical.

I'm sure it is absolutely horrible when she criticises you and your children. My ex-MIL did much the same. She told me my youngest was a horrible little boy! I snapped and told her off once and she cried in the toilet. I had to knock on the door and make amends - I'm hopeless at conflict!

Luckily for me, I don't have see my Monster of a MIL anymore. Not so easy for you. See her as little as possible. Make visits short - maybe pop in on your way somewhere? It is a tough one - wish I had some better advice.

All the best

i think if there's a way for your dh to see his dad, he ought to go for it. You don't have to go, your dc don't need to go either. Perhaps your dh could meet up with his dad on neutral ground.

If mil can't behave herself, who in their right mind would put themselves or worse their dc in the firing line of such a poisonous creature?

IvanaPavlov - sounds like we had similar MIL it's hard to understand why a grandparent dont love there granchild isnt it?

mrsboogie AliGrylls - you are both right, it wqill most probaly flare up again, this isnt the first time infact this is proberly the 5th and each time it's been my DH that has made first contact and made the effort to make ammends.

Thank you giveitago it's hard as when she has come to our house which i could proberly count on hand in the last 9 years, she either doesnt turn up or sit's there and wont talk, it's very uncomfortable!My FIL is a nice enough man, very easy to talk to and will always make you feel welcome, BUT unfortunetly he has made alot of mistakes in the past I.E affairs etc so he wont turn against his wife as he is already "treading on thin ice" so he will stand by his wife, which i suppose is right because my husband will always stand by me, and vise versa.

groundhogs your right, i am not going to put my kids through any of this, fortunetly they do not know any arguments or conflic between us, and they also don't know there GP's another to winder why they dont see them , my daughter was 4 months old the last time we broke contact. and My son has proberly only seen them a handful of times, so he doesn't know them either.

Thank you all so much for the advice and basically kletting me vent my frustraton here.