Is this a red flag or not? AF, Solid, Custy etc over here please!!

[redflagornot]

Have done a shifty namechange but am a regular. Hence asking for straight talking regulars and anyone else who wants to contribute.. I need a judgement check please!

Background - single for a little while after splitting with twunty ex. Well documented on here, won't go into details now but suffice to say he was an arse. Met lovely sounding man online recently, checked him out, he's warm, funny and has suggested a drink.

We've chatted lots via email and text, and as part of that, we asked each other a few questions - one of mine was "do you have any guilty pleasures?" Now I was thinking of Ok magazine and a big bar of chocolate [sheltered life emoticon], but he came back with that he occasionally looks at internet porn

So - the other 50 or so messages from him have all been lovely, very gently flirty but in no way sleazy, he has a responsible RL job where I don't think sleazy people would be tolerated, so do I ignore this as a TMI moment and meet him anyway, or see it as a bit of a red flag and avoid?

Well you did ask and he gave an honest reply. Can't balme him for that

Only a red flag if it is a problem for you

I'd say that is not a red flag at all but pretty normal.

He is single after all, nothign wrong with single men looking at porn.

Ignore it as tmi.

The thing is, it's better he's the kind of man who openly admits to it rather than a man who thinks it is somehow 'sinful' and therefore watches it secretly and is them plagued my feelings of guilt or that he has done something wrong by watching porn. If it really was a guilty pleasure he probably wouldn't have told you.

wise words from kaktus

tiggyd, am giggling like a loon at that image. How am I going to meet him now without imagining that?

I get the impression he just does honesty. Profile is very "this is me, take it or leave it" but in a good way. He has been very sweet in all other ways, I just think my radar is set to search out anything to question and that got handed to me on a plate.

And - the occasional browse doesn't bother me. However, a preference over RL action, high dependency or anything "odd" would. It just depends what it is and how often. That's not really something you can ask on a first meeting though is it?

i had a man confess to watching women use daggers and swords as masturbatory aids. that was a red flag if a scale of red flageddness would help

I dunno about "red flag" but I think it shows a worrying lack of impulse control and self-restraint

he didn't "admit" to it, because you didn't ask him directly "do you watch internet porn...?"

you asked him a very open-ended question for which there are a myriad of sensible replies to someone who you have only met very recently

the fact that "internet porn" was what fell from his lips would cetainly give me a moment

he might be one of those that tries to shock to see how tolerant submissive and compliant you might be

Not a red flag. Just honest.

If he didn't say he watched porn he would be lying.

slambang...but she didn't directly ask him that

and they have only just met

if this is honesty...it is of a very anti-social kind, tbh

imagine the first time he meets your parents..."well yes, red's-mum I do enjoy the odd spot of rimming and watching young girls being doubly-penetrated...doesn't everyone... ?"

cue red's mum has heart attack

there is a difference between honesty and just plain old simple bad manners

but as I am fond of reminding people, I am old and have some old-fashioned values about decency and respect for others

It wouldnt be a red flag for me. I think the question could come across as being slightly risque, hence his response. I would hope if you'd simply asked what he did in his spare time/as a hobby you would have got a different answer

also, he is a single man. to be honest I'd assume most single guys probably watch it from time to time & on balance would find it more odd if he didnt!

but then I'm quite relaxed about porn (so long as it doesnt involve children/animals/violence etc) so this is probably less of an issue for me than it might be for some people.....

I've been thinking about this (bet you can hear the rusty old machinery from there!) ... right, you weren't actually talking about porn & stuff. It popped out as his most-obvious answer to a pretty general enquiry. Which means it was top of mind, for him. Which - I guess - means that either the word "guilty" or the word "pleasure" triggered thoughts of pornography.

After all this thinking, I feel it is a red flag therefore. Unless you harbour a sort of repressed-catholic passion for guilt+pornography. I wouldn't say it's a massive red flag. But we did shout at you to heed your instincts, and here they are telling you something

I'd say, heed the flag (and your instincts) but go for the drink anyway. You need the practise ... and an ego-boost.

ps: Make sure you've got your cab fare home!

Af, you are often my morality barometer on here!! You've expressed what I was concerned about. It doesn't fit with anything else I've gleaned about him - he seems fairly emotionally intelligent from what I can gather.

He was a tad sheepish after disclosing that though, and I did mildly take the piss in a later conversation, he dealt with that well. We will see..

keep us posted, red

dealing with piss-taking redeems him a little bit, but not too much, mind

perhaps he regrets his verbal tic, he may have rung all his mates and said "you will not fucking believe what I just did...."

you could tell cosy anecdotes to your grankids around the fire of when you met and the loving things you said to each other...

< ahem > maybe not, eh....

who are you, btw ??

Oh AF you know me! Wa ha ha haaaaaaaa

Will keep my expectations nice and low, and report back in due course..

sound like you are proceeding with admirable caution
agree with af actually that he blurted out a bit tmi but meet him and keep the radar working

ItsGraceagain, that's a wise response too!
Have concluded I have a very small flag on my hands, kind of sandcastle sized.

Will have my car with me, so no danger of getting drunk and knickerless miles away from home!!

from another internet dating vet am agreeing with ninah and af
i'd be v.tbh

is it sb ?

not that it matters, if you want to be incognito

I advise as I find ! I tend to be pretty predictable, tbh

trust your instincts, meet him for the drink if you think he's lovely (or has potential to be an antidote to the twunt... antitwunt?) but would agree you should perhaps keep the radar on high alert, and watch your drink etc etc. Like the image of him slapping his forehead on the phone to his mates.... you give me a lovely image AF

i have read this thread twice and think the arguments on both sides are really good. i think its one of those situations where you have to actually be there to fully get the gist/tone/lead in etc.

custy?

fence-sitting ?

never been seen !

i know i know

sorry

Perhaps he only watches amateur 'porn 2.0' made by couples in loving relationships.

Who knows?

I think maybe this is a sort of pale pink flag. I wouldn't toss him overboard, just keep an eye out for future flags, is all.