How would you react if your DH came home and said this?

[Enchilada81]

Yesterday DH came home from work and said "have you got much tidying up done today?" and glanced around the house.

He's on at me constantly about the house. I'm not houseproud and never have been. He knew this when we got together but i do keep it respectable and every now and again I'll have a mass do and blitz everything.

But when he comes home and says stuff like this it makes me feel like he's checking up/judging/keeping an eye on me.

I feel like I have to live up to his standards all the time.

How would you have reacted? honestly?

I would have just said "No" and discussed it no further.

I would have said 'why? Is your mum coming round?'

But then my DH could live with a foot of dog hair and no work surface visible.

tell him he can't expect the house to look like a show home because there are people living in it.

Do you say what you said to us to him? You shouldn't be made to feel uncomfortable in your own homw if it's fairly decent. Does he do his bit?

Do you work?

It depends. I mean if your kids are at school/nursery and you are at home then I'd expect you to do housework, yes.

It also depends on what you call a mess. If there are piles of clothes all over the floor, dishes in the sink and dust an inch thick on the surfaces then I would call that a mess and I'd expect it cleaned.

Is he not allowed to mention the mess in your house?

We really need to know more. Does he do any of the housework?

I'd have said yes, all your shite is now in black bags by the back door, cheerio!

I would have reminded him that he's my dh and not my boss.

I'd have said 'no, not much. I've had a really busy day with the kids. Will tidy up in a blitz in my usual fashion some point soon!'
Of course if you havent been busy with the kids and have been sat on your bum watching tv all day then he has a fair point!!!

I would have swooned with delight that dh had actually noticed something about the house for the first time ever.

I would just say No, I didn't get much time today. TBH though our house is pretty tidy most of the time - I am a SAHM at the moment so try to tidy as I go along. DH also happy to help out if it is obvious that stuff needs doing and I haven't been able to get around to it.

How did you react?

Same as steelfairy, I would have simply answered the question.

But, since it's upset you, I assume he's frequently critical of your housekeeping? Is that what the problem is?

I agree with Rhubarb, if your only responsibility is housework (ie all children at school fulltime) then I would expect it to be clean and tidy when he came home, however if you have dcs at home during the day to care for the amount of housework done should be less of an issue as it is hard trying to keep everything clean and tidy when they are at home.

He works full time and I don't. Therefore I do take on the housework as its only fair. Thing is, I DO do the housework. I have a 3/4 hour walk in the morning taking kids to school. I wash up breakfast pots, sort the pets out, hoover up, put laundry on, iron what needs ironing, polish ... yet he comes home and picks on the one thing I may not have done.

For instance I did all this yesterday and he came home and said "I see the bathroom still hasn't been done"

I agree with Rhubarb

There's too much "the bastard! How dare he work for 10 hours a day and then criticise my housekeeping when I've had two children to get to school" on here

"No, I've been sat on my fat arse stuffing my face with crisps, and watching Loose Women all day, oops!"

Completely depends on your situation though, as Rhubarb said.

I might have said "oh, you know ...." then a pause, then "did you manage to get much work done today?"

I ironed all of dp's shirts yesterday and work trousers, did two loads of washing and he nearly fell over in shock

standards are relative

but if he's mentioned it then if you have been busy just quietly remind him that its difficult with dc's around

my ds literally upends any pile of washing around the room cause its soooooo much fun

Sorry but if you are at home all day with children at school the house should be spotless surely.

well theres only so much u can do in a day, I'd just say oh I was doing that job tomorrow

then sulk

Blimey. He has got bad manners, hasn't he?! If I were you, I'd have a quiet word as to how his judgemental remarks are a bit de-motivating, and could he please comment on what you have done instead. Personally, I find the fact tht he's acting like your 'boss' repulsive. But you seem accepting of that, so you just need to stop him trying to micro-manage you (badly).

I bet he's horrible at work.

How about "No, I haven't had time as I've done X Y Z instead ... Why don't you help me with it now?"

I imagine he might learn to live with a messier house sharpish.

But he's home at 3.30pm and if everything is not spotless he has a go. Even though he does stuff like makes cups of tea and just leaves the bag on the kitchen side, gets a shower the night before and just leaves the towel slung across the sofa etc!

I'm not accepting of that Graceagain, I suppose I'm just becomming that used to it that it seems more normal everytime he does it.

my dh did something similar. my response was 'look right...i spent my youth travelling the world and studying, trying hard to become an intersting person. i have at no point ever aspired to be praised for my housework skills and you are not reducing me to someone who does care OK!!'

Okay. Do you ask him to put the towel/tea bag away?

pmsl sungirltan, I like it!