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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Thread about a thread (in a nice way I hope)

7 replies

LowLevelWhingeing · 18/02/2010 21:55

Referring to the other thread about Signs that a man is a bastard and you should RUN, there's loads of good advice on there for women having a crappy/shitty/fucking awful time in their relationships. But, if she doesn't see it like that, then there's nothing anyone else can do about it. Right?

Tell me to fuck off if it's none of my business.

OP posts:
BertieBotts · 18/02/2010 22:14

Wrong.

If you are closely involved already, you can be there for her and be aware that any strange behaviour from her is not against you, but likely to be from him discouraging her being friends with you. And continue to make contact with her and be a solid "rock".

You can model decent relationships (either your own or by watching rom-coms etc together - sounds cheesy but always used to upset me seeing "perfect" couples when I was in a bad relationship, but still loved him, because I wished he would treat me like that)

If you don't know her as well, you can point out that the relationship is unhealthy and tell her she is entitled to seek help. Give her the name and number of Women's Aid, Refuge, etc. She probably will deny it now but it will go in on some level and will help one day.

BertieBotts · 18/02/2010 22:15

All genders reversible in that obviously - I am aware DV isn't just an issue from men-women.

eatsshootsleaves · 18/02/2010 22:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
LowLevelWhingeing · 18/02/2010 22:26

Good point about modelling, could seem smug though?

I often see threads that I think a particular person would be interested in, but if you're not already a forum user then it can all look a bit weird from the outside can't it?

OP posts:
ItsGraceAgain · 18/02/2010 22:32

What BB said. Information goes in, even if it's dismissed at the time.

Original poster
LowLevelWhingeing · 18/02/2010 23:27

So it's useful just to talk about things, even if nothing will change at the time?

eatsshoots - thank you for your thoughts on this, it was helpful.

OP posts:
BertieBotts · 19/02/2010 15:00

I don't mean by constantly saying "My DH is so perfect, he does X, Y, Z" at every opportunity, but just basically not holding back and talking about your DH like you would to anybody else.

Yes it can be hard if someone is not a forum user. Sometimes you can get away with a link in an email.

Sorry I have to go and get DS

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