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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

ExDP is at solicitors now getting a contract drawn up

125 replies

hobbgoblin · 18/02/2010 17:01

It's to say that I accept a vehicle in lieu of maintenance for DD. The vehicle is a long term hire contract through his business for a 3 year term and will be approximately half the entitlement if you go by standard maintenance calculations.

It is very unfair in the sense that I don't get the full amount but equally I wouldn't be able to get a car to ferry all the DC around on my own - it's an MPV. So, we're doing each other a favour. My questions are; am I mad to accept these terms? Will a solicitor draw up such a contract when it appears to be hugely in his favour?

OP posts:
hobbgoblin · 18/02/2010 19:29

2.5 years with him. Me on £20 000 per year and I always pay the babysitter plus often half my meal bill. when we go out.

And I am madly sad that it's over.

OP posts:
pithyslicker · 18/02/2010 19:34

I think you should get legal advice-and tell the solicitor everything you have said on here.

FabIsGoingToBeFabIn2010 · 18/02/2010 19:36

Put his 911 on ebay...

hatesponge · 18/02/2010 19:45

hobb, am a lawyer - sadly not in family law as have enough problems of my own with my Ex that I could use advice on! - just to say I would hope any decent lawyer would advise that a contract of the type your Ex is contemplating is almost certainly unenforceable...he can ask the solicitor to draw up whatever he likes, but whether a court would uphold it is another thing. in my view acontract which limits your child's rights in this way would be very unlikely to stand.

However by way of a disclaimer this is not my area of law You do need a lawyer of your own. However I can understand your reluctance - my Ex is a twat of the highest order who nearly 2 years and lots of unforgiveable stuff on, I am still in many ways trying not to 'upset' because I know the fall out will be horrendous....

solo · 18/02/2010 20:04

Sweetkitty, I might have got the car model wrong, but I think the Galaxy was £400 tax last year. Quite a lot to find.

hobbgoblin · 18/02/2010 20:24

just trying to answer some missed questions...

my car is worth about 500 as is a T reg passat that needs work.

OP posts:
Mumfun · 18/02/2010 20:36

Ok regarding car leasing. I worked in a job connected with this for a while but am no expert. But basically personal car leasing is a way of getting a decent car without putting down much upfront. It isnt connected with a job.

I googled for this as someone mentioned a scenic - I dont know what vehicle you should go for:

www.renaultleasinguk.com/index/index/offer/id/192/

This says you can get a Scenic for a monthly cost of £202 with a downpayment of £600. At the end you give it back. I havent gone through all the stuff on this site and dont know anything about it. Im just using it as an example of what you could get - and you would have £600 a month (obviously taxable) to pay for it.

I do know that this kind of personal leasing agreement isnt dodgy and a lot of people are starting to do it.

I do know you would be much better to take your maintenance and do something like this or buy the £1500 Toyota vehicle already mentioned on the thread

CarGirl · 18/02/2010 20:37

I@ve got a diesel alhambra (same as galaxy just sold by seat) an in October 12 months road tax for it was £175. My mechanic told me if I wanted a proper mpv the cheapest to run over a long time was a diesel, manual, sharran/galacy/alhambra (they are all the same car)

Mumfun · 18/02/2010 20:41

Forgot VAT on last post sorry but still stands up well on cost overall!

SenoraPostrophe · 18/02/2010 20:43

don't do it.

You know the law says that if you can't fit 3 car seats in the back then it's ok to have one child without a car seat don't you? dd sits in the middle of our car, no car seat (but the middle seat is raised so I think it's ok anyway)

hobbgoblin · 18/02/2010 20:47

I looked at the Alhambra when seeking the lease with then DP and was keen but it cost him too much. I've gone for the one up for the cheapest vehicle he could possibly get which was the zafira and thus was supposed to be getting a Nissan.

I don't care what car it is so long as it fits all the car seats plus buggy, isn't going to cost me lots in repairs due to age, or in fuel and servicing and tax.

I obviously have about £500 to put down if I sell my Passat but I know I won't get credit due to debt created by my previous ex partner that is all in my name.

I would go for a lease of HP agreement myself and use the full CSA amount to pay for it, leaving some aside for DD - probably into an account for her that I could use for clothes as and when she needs but also to save for things which I haven't been able to do with the other DC because their fathers have paid nothing at various points.

I should probably have been sterilised at birth, or otherwise had a transplant of the bit of my brain that makes life decisions and chooses partners.

OP posts:
CarGirl · 18/02/2010 20:54

How old are your dc?

sweetkitty · 18/02/2010 20:57

solo - I didn't know about the tax TBH we are looking at a 7 seater just now, are diesels not cheaper than petrols, I know DP pays less on his car than mine and his has a bigger engine.

Anyway getting back to hobbgoblin, I would rather walk than allow him to get one over on me, I know that's not always possible etc with school runs etc and there's no way you can squeeze you all in your Passat, I'm thinking of times when you need to take all your DC out with you, i.e. could you go shopping when older ones at school etc just thinking of ways round it for you.

hobbgoblin · 18/02/2010 20:59

They are 10, 8, 6 and 6 months.

The eldest is almost tall enough to not need a seat but I planned to keep her in her booster with back as long as possible since I don't have the mot hi-tec of vehicles so the more protection the better. She has a booster that will seat her for another couple of years which I bought 2 years ago. Maxi Cosi with adjustable back and head support.

8 year old is still nowhere near tall enough for no booster.

That said, they are all very slight so don't need acres of room...it's just the seats that do.

I have eldest DD in front a the moment because the airbag off switch is faulty so nobody knows if it is activated ot not.

I could get away with a 5 seater if wide, but it does mean I always have to ask for lifts to do playdates and can never collect or return other DC which I am embarrassed about. Also cannot do anything with another adult without taking two vehicles so my mother ducks out of helping even more often than ever.

OP posts:
2010aQuintessentialOdyssey · 18/02/2010 21:02

hobbgoblin, you dont actually GET a car. You get to borrow one for 3 years. In 3 years, you have NO car, and no maintenance for your kids. It is highly unfair.
You need your own solicitor.

hobbgoblin · 18/02/2010 21:02

I'm seeming fussy now. i thought i'd have a new, working and roomy car next week and am disappointed right now.

OP posts:
WingedVictory · 18/02/2010 21:06

"I should probably have been sterilised at birth, or otherwise had a transplant of the bit of my brain that makes life decisions and chooses partners."

hobbgoblin, it's sad to hear you say that. Even though the chorus is all singing: "No!" "Get your own solicitor!", etc, people aren't having a go at you for these problems. You don't have to feel defensive.

It is amazing what sort of crap becomes "normalised" during a life of it. You are probably just rather shocked to hear how bad it sounds from the outside.

So, to recap some of the excellent advice on this thread (I can't hope to replicate anything about cars!): this is not a good deal, as it is short-term, insufficient and could lead to your ex's pushing further, to see what else he can not do. You need a solicitor, and it is very shocking to hear you resisting this, or thinking it will cause more hassle for you. Put it this way: if you consulted a solicitor and the solicitor said: yes, this is the best you can do, would he be angry? Of course not. You suspect he will be angry at you for consulting a solicitor because you strongly suspect the solicitor will urge you to fight. You know the reaction if you take this advice, so you want to avoid getting the advice.

However, this is where other posters have had a go, and rightly so. You have to think of your children, and fight for them. Any short-term pain (a bitter fight, relying on buses, etc.) is more than outweighed by any gains you must make, by doing this. What gains? Extra money (as someone said, for your children, for emergencies); a car which lasts you more than 3 years; your self-esteem, which seems to be pretty low.

Please don't say anything again about forcible sterilisation or bad choices. We all do dreadful things, and regret them, and then try to change and do better. You can do the same.

sweetkitty · 18/02/2010 21:18

I agree with Winged, no one is getting at you, I have followed your threads and all you have done and what a lot of us have done is chose the wrong man.

He's a shit through and through and I feel so angry on your behalf that you are having to go through this, men who try and shirk out of paying for their children really disgust me.

EightiesChick · 18/02/2010 21:22

Go and look at the 911 on your drive, and go back for another look at it every time you lose heart! That is so unfair it makes my blood boil.

Be strong, hobbgoblin, you can do this. Don't think badly of yourself. You are trying to do the best you can (why else would you contemplate living on 50% of what you deserve to get what you see as an essential car for the kids?) but you do need to be strong here and be prepared to play a long game.

Can totally understand your disappointment at not having the roomy car next week. It's completely reasonable to feel that way. But, I say again, go and have a look at that 911...

solo · 18/02/2010 21:32

Cargirl, my friend has a 2002 Galaxy petrol and she was shocked at the £400 tax disc. Is yours a newer one? because my Picasso is a diesel 04 and cost £120 or £125 one or the other because it's a newer HDi. It's to do with emissions etc, the newer the(diesel)engine, the more efficient.

CarGirl · 18/02/2010 21:39

Yes you need to sort out the car issue, why not get an older zafira???? The older models are very cheap 2nd hand now and my mechanic did recommend one over the galaxy type thing in terms of economy to run and older one - again you want diesel manual.

WingedVictory · 18/02/2010 21:57

CarGirl, you really do live your name!

CarGirl · 18/02/2010 22:01

Mine is a 53 plate diesel

The irony is I hardly use a car, walk & cycle as much as possible and am forever indebted to my mobile mechanic who charges £27 per hour plus VAT because I have no interest in this that and the other and dh doesn't even drive!!!

solo · 18/02/2010 22:44

I think it's the fact that newer post 02 diesels are cleaner that they tax cheaper Cargirl.
Mine's a 2 litre was a pleasant surprise re the tax

stanausauruswrecks · 18/02/2010 23:06

Have a look onhere we were offered £1800 for our X reg golf.