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Original poster

Have you ever broken someone's heart?

67 replies

wannaBe · 08/02/2010 16:14

When I was fifteen I went out with a guy who was five years older than me.

I was his first ever gf, and we went out for just over a year. The relationship basically just reached a natural progression and ended because I grew up and... well he didn't.

Or so I thought...

So a few years ago I regained contact with this guy through email. All above board, just chatty sort of "how are you, what have you been doing for the past nearly twenty years - that sort of thing." So it transpired that he'd never had another gf since me, and is now in his 40s and still lives with his mother. .

So we exchange emails every few months or so..

And then one day he found me on skype and we had a text chat...

And he started talking about the past and how he's amazed that after such a nasty break-up we were still able to talk all these years later. And I was like this. nasty break-up?

And it transpired that even though I had just ended a relationship, he thought that I was the one that he was going to spend the rest of his life with, and that he'd thought it was a really bitter break-up and has never felt the same about anyone ever since and never felt he could ever fall in love again.

And here was me thinking that it was just something that had run its course.

So - have you ever broken someone's heart?

OP posts:
BitOfFun · 08/02/2010 16:26

Well, I did dump somebody (kindly) who professed devotion to me as I thought was a bit drippy for me. It was a few years ago. Turns out he went on a bit of a spree of sex attacks against women a year or so ago, which he is likely to go to prison for for a very long time . I hope he doesn't blame me for that . So I had an even luckier escape...

meltedchoc · 08/02/2010 16:34

I have twice to my knowledge.
First one i was only 14 and started "going out" with a friend.Got fed up with him pretty quick and dumped him for someone else.
Poor guy was really hurt, went off the rails and got into trouble.He told a mutual friend 6 years later that he had always loved me and would take me back in a second. I didnt have a clue he felt that way and felt shit about it.
Second one - ex-h . apparently i broke his heart and ruined his life because i left him.He should have thought about treating us a bit better then.Having an affair for 3 years, hitting me,smashing up house, threatening me and the kids and taking all the money i earned did not make a happy marriage imo. .
i always thought to have a heart broken you had to have one in the first place !.

meltedchoc · 08/02/2010 16:36

Omg BOF ! how horrible .Glad he`ll be locked up, but it wasnt your fault .Hed have done it anyway.Lucky escape is right !.

MayorNaze · 08/02/2010 16:36

yes. twice
both lovely lovely guys who wanted to marry me

still feel very bad about both of them but wouldn't change dh for the world

MayorNaze · 08/02/2010 16:37

BoF!

TheArmadillo · 08/02/2010 16:38

Several times as a teen. Just usual run of the mill stuff. I don't think any of them were permanently damaged. I don't have that kind of power

One of them followed me round for a year or two like a puppy (I just found it irritating) but last time I heard he was happily married.

Oh and one of them was dp but then we got back together (we were 17).

Poledra · 08/02/2010 16:47

Yes, but they got over it - was all during late teens/early 20s.

One was a bloke I'd only gone out with for a couple of months and thought it was no big deal - many years later, when I met his lovely wife, I discovered that he had told her all about me as the great love of his life before her. Am pleased to report that he and his wife are still very happily married and she was much better for him than I would have been

passionberry · 08/02/2010 16:47

Yes - I finished with my first boyfriend, like OP he was a few years older than me and I grew up and he didn't. He was heartbroken and I felt awful.

Have finished other relationships since but don't think I left anyone else broken hearted!

A few years later I had my heart broken by someone so I have been on both sides of it - I actually feel now that both experiences were really valuable to me and part of growing up.

FabIsGoingToBeFabIn2010 · 08/02/2010 16:51

Yes, one boy. He was too full on and I wasn't over my ex. Said boy is now married with 4 kids to the woman he went out with after me and who had had her eye on him the whole time we were together.

I have had mine broken too many times and more than once by the same person.

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 08/02/2010 17:03

Yes, one chap in 1979. He was 25 to my 17 (so I kinda imagined he'd be, y'know, a grown man) and I broke up with him not long after I started University in another city. He claimed I'd broken his heart and shattered his dreams so badly that he was going to turn to young boys.

MarineIguana · 08/02/2010 17:04

Yes I think so my boyfriend at university. He was just so keen and wanted to settle down and be together forever, but it was too much too soon - I knew I was too young and messed up and had a lot of growing up to do first.

The worst thing was I ended it, he persisted, and I could only really get it through to him by seeing other people. I shacked up with a dreadful idiot for a while and looking back I could only do that because I knew he wasn't "the one" - but my ex was so so hurt.

I did think we might get back together one day but he eventually met someone else and stopped seeing me out of respect for her feelings, which I understand. I wish I could say sorry to him though.

I see a lot of parallels now between him and my lovely DP - their sense of humour, etc.

cheerfulvicky · 08/02/2010 17:24

Yes, twice...

First one, my first love/boyfriend who I was with for two years or so. We were long distance at first. Once he moved to the UK to be with me, and we were both living at home with my mum, things went downhill quickly. It was getting tired before then, and there were a lot of factors, but I basically fell out of love with him. I broke up with him soon after his birthday 9 months later, and felt like an absolute twunt. I handled it really really badly, he took some time to move out and I remember saying to him crossly on the bus back from ASDA: "Are you going to cry forever?" when he had tears rolling down his face I wish I could re-do that, the whole split. I acted like a turd. An immature turd. He did stay on for four months after we split up which was a strain.
We got back together, at my instigation, after not speaking for a year. But it was never the same again and only lasted a few months before we mutually called it a day. I don't think I'll ever feel the same about anyone else again though...

Second time, was a friend who liked me and I didn't fancy him but didn't know how to say so politely. We had a fling and I broke his heart into little pieces, he is now bitter and twisted and cynical. Because of me - mainly.

Hangs head in shame for having behaved like an eejit in her yoof.

LadyOfTheFlowers · 08/02/2010 17:25

I broke DHs heart when he was 18.

But we got back together 2 years later.

2rebecca · 08/02/2010 18:54

I think presuming you can "break someones heart" is a bit narcissistic.
To a large extent we choose ourselves whether or not to have our hearts broken (if such a thing is possible which I doubt), some people are just less resilient than others and more prone to dwell on negative events.
I have ended relationships and had blokes upset by this, and have been dumped and been transiently upset in return.
If someone still resented me for finishing with them 20+ years later I would take it as proof they were a loony I was wise to dump!

BelleDameSansMerci · 08/02/2010 19:01

2rebecca's post notwithstanding, I know that I have left broken hearted at least three men/boys. One, in particular, was very upset but I'm certain he's now married etc as he was lovely.

It's swings and roundabouts, though, isn't it? I've had my heart broken at least three times too.

mumonthenet · 08/02/2010 22:13

When I was 15 I received a heartbroken poem from a boy of my age who I knew vaguely. We had never dated, and I had nooooo idea he was even interested in me.

The poem was stunningly simple and desperately sad and I remember being totally unprepared for such grown-up emotion.

Wonder what he's doing now.

janeite · 08/02/2010 22:15

Yes - I was 23 and had been married for just over a year. I still feel guilty about it and wonder how he is/what he's up to, even though it was the right thing to do.

SolidGoldBrass · 08/02/2010 22:19

No one likes being dumped. But sensible, healthy people get over it: those who don't (still whining decades later FFS) are losers who need either therapy or agood boot up the bum.

Wigglesworth · 08/02/2010 22:28

One that I know of, my 1st serious boyfriend. We went out for nearly 6 years, since the age of 16. I met a guy at work and we fell for each other instantly, I was seeing this guy behind my boyfriends back for about 9 months, I just kept saying I had a works night out or I was working late. I'm shocked he didn't suss out what I was up to TBH, although he did know there was a problem. I tried to make it work with him, we even went on a 2 week make or break holiday to try and sort it out but all I kept thinking about was this other guy. I just didn't have the guts to leave him, I was young and we had been together for so long I didn't know anything else.
Something always came up just as I was about to finish with him, his dog died, he got mugged, it was his birthday. I did eventually end it with him, he took it very badly. He was devastated, I was upset too but more because it had gotten to that point and I hadn't done the decent thing and ended it sooner. He really wanted us to be friends but I told him I couldn't do it, it would be weird and that it was time to make a fresh start.
Looking back I feel really bad about it, I was a shit but on the bright side the "other guy" is now my DH and we have a beautiful DS.

MarineIguana · 08/02/2010 22:29

I suppose I took it to mean dumped someone who would genuinely have stayed with you forever, and left them gutted. Not that they never got over it - that's a bit different and does indicate they might be obsessive or a bit of a saddo.

I've had my heart broken too in that I was devastated and felt like I would never recover - but I did (and in that particular case, am pretty damn relieved it didn't work out...)

MarineIguana · 08/02/2010 22:35

Oh wiggles it always happens that when you have to dump someone it's invariably a crap time to do it. I have dumped someone just after their birthday having waited for it to go by . When DP and I met and fell in love, we didn't want to two-time the people we were dating so we had to end those relationships... it came to a head and couldn't wait - and it was the weekend of valentine's day

Heated · 08/02/2010 22:40

Only when younger. Was aware he had a thing for me and deflected it as much as possible but it was excruciatingly awkward a times. He invited me out for a meal with friends only to find I was the only friend he'd invited - yuk.

Was very happy to move away to uni where I met dh. He invited me around to his when I was home one holiday and I felt safe accepting as I knew he was dating someone who he was in a play with, and when I got there he insisted on showing me all the poems he'd written about me!

That was the last time I saw him. Last I heard he was working in a mortuary.

SixtyFootDoll · 08/02/2010 22:45

After I left school I received a letter from someone telling me that they had been in love with me for years but could never tell me, and wishing me a happy life.
I never found out who sent it and had no idea at all who it was from.

overmydeadbody · 08/02/2010 22:50

I see 2rebecca has beat me to what I wanted to say. I agree with her and sgb.

No one can break someone else's heart. It's up to the individual how they deal with break ups or rejection and not the fault of the other person.

Someone who claims to be heartbroken is relaly just someone who hasn't got a grip on reality or their own emotions.

poshsinglemum · 08/02/2010 22:54

Oh come on sgb and omdb- people DO get heart broken. It's no-one's fault but it is NORMAL to feel sad at the end of a relationship if you loved that person and one shouldn't be branded a freak for feeling upset.