I've Had Enough

[47doublechins]

I've been with my OH for 23 years; 17 married.

He has never had sex with me in a reasonable manner; by that I mean, once, twice a week; it's been once a month, if I was lucky.

I continued to "hear" all his excuses for it; and then married him (stupid I know).

It took 8 years of marriage to conceive.

We saw an infertlity expert in the interim and the Australian consultant quizzed him on his sexual activity; and DH said I was scary when I was ovulating; and he just kept his head down; and didn't approach me sexually.

The Australian consultant told him to grow some balls.

He didn't;
8 years later I became pregnant.

I would have loved another child; but I was too old and he was shit.

I have found size 8 knickers in my bedroom.

I think he is having an affair.

Once a month if I was lucky.

Hate to say this, but that's almost as good as being caught red-handed. However, it sounds like you were totally fed up with your relationship the way it was anyway.

You don't go into much detail about the rest of your relationship with dh but maybe this is the perfect opportunity to kick him out without you looking like the bad guy.

You sound angry which is good..maintain that anger. Marriage with no/little sex is rubbish as far as I'm concerned. I should know...dh has not touched me for over a year, but I'm scared to leave because he'll just say I'm sex-obsessed. Good luck, stay strong.

47, I'd normally want to get into a more in-depth discussion with you - try & find whether your marriage can be turned around. But didn't I read, on another thread, you have some condition that might limit your life-span? Hope I misread that! But, if so, ask him to go. You are unhappy. Marriages can take a few years to fix; even then there's no guarantee.

Any chance the knickers could be HIS? Were they definitely not your daughter's?

Oh no, you poor thing. I think that kind of evidence is usually pretty damning. Particularly unpleasant to find them in your bedroom too, that shows a shocking lack of respect.

Have you confronted him about it yet, do you intend to?

Grace, you've just reminded me of an incident where some friends stayed and we found a tiny thong afterwards and we had a giggle thinking my friend left it.. turned out it was her boyfriend's! ..

So might not necessarily be damning in that case!

I can't imagine even the tiniest of men getting into size 8 undies tho!

Yes I have confronted him.

I'm pretty much 24/7 in the bedroom due to disability and needing to "retire".
for a rest
I'm not yet at a stage where I can get through a day without it. So it's not another Woman in my bedroom... for sure absolutely not.

Size 8 knickers in a style that I would never wear.
DH pointed them out "These were in my sock drawer"... followed by incredulous face.....

So I Know (almost).

What I don't know is the the detail.

How a fully formed Man can fuck about with his Life, Wife, Daughter

I don't understand

are you saying your DH has fucked someone who wears size 8 knickers in your bed ?

I don't get it, sorry

< puzzled >

why would he do that?
to make you suspicious??
to make you feel bad?
he sounds strange....do you love him?

He sounds very odd, but then what's even more odd is staying with someone like that for 23 years.

How did the conversation go once he'd pointed out the keks?
Did you ask if he was having an affair?

and he showed you them??!!

The other things you've said about your relationship are one thing.

He told you he found a pair of size 8 knickers in his sock drawer. You have a 10 year old daughter.

Are the issues becoming confused, do you think?

ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh (breathes out again)
That would explain things, surely..

Even if they aren't your dd's, could she have had a sleepover recently? I really really can't think that any man having an affair would so readily point out the evidence to his wife. Just doesn't compute.