My wee girl...

[Zondra]

Unsure about telling you all honestly about my problem.
Noone else to talk to.
But,feeling really bad about this,so here goes...
I read my wee daughter's diary & I found out that something awful has happened.
Crying now as I write this, an older boy,whose parents I know (never liked them,v.anti-social & drunks) took my daughter to his "den" in the woods & raped her anally.
She's kept it a secret for a year.
Only found out 3 days ago When I was decorating her room.
Obviously,told my DH.& obviously he went MAD.
BUT,we decided not to call the police.
Do not want my daughter subjected to any kind of interrogation proving this happened.
I know that she would be subjected to all kindsof cross-questioning & I DO NOT want her to go through that.
Absolutely,distressed & cannot type out further how I feel any further,but am wondering should we contact the police?
Am I failing her not reporting it???

Zondra, I'm so sorry to hear what you and your family are going through. It's heartbreaking. I'm afraid I've no experience of what you're going through, I wish I could say something useful.

I've googled and found this website who are an organisation set up to help parents in your situation. I wonder if they might be able to give you some support and guidance?

My heart goes out to you and your daughter and your family.

It seems hard t believe the the police have done nothing. Not even offered any advice.

Zonda, I'm so, so sorry that you're having to go through this.

I'm Scottish and worked for CalMac for 10 years so understand exactly why you needed gathered your thoughts...some island families are worse than the mafia & generally, the smaller the island, the worse the anti-islander sentiment & gossip.

I was in a similar but not as extreme situation with an older boy when I was about 7. I never told anyone because I didn't realise what he was doing was wrong at that stage but it was only as I got older that I came to realise that it was inappropriate behaviour. It hasn't really affected me other than to explain why was more sexually aware than my peers at primary achool.

Also, I know the police reaction is upsetting but to be honest, it might not be worth putting you all through the process because the law will mitigate heavily for a 14yr old boy..having it logged now will be enough in a small community to mean that they can't ignore it next time...he will be a marked man. (I did law at uni,during work experience, a solicitor phoned up the procurator fiscal to try and drop and indecent exposure charge because it was tenuous at best, open to a defence of entrapment & would be embarassing all round for prosecutor & defence > the proc was adamant he was prosecuting regardless because of a past sexual misdemeanour he couldn't be prosecuted for...so the law does work in mysteriously moral ways).

You priority much be (a) getting counselling for your daughter on the mainland (b) getting off that island. You've already done the right thing in reporting to the police...don't get dragged down by your frustration if they can't/won't do anything about it perhaps because of lack of forensic evidence. Put it behind you and focus on your daughter's emotional wellbeing (if she's ok just now, she might just need a couple of informal sessions) & the practicalities of selling your house.

You need to go higher if the police really are doing nothing. Your child has been raped and nothing can ever change it but not doing anything else will hurt her when she is older if she doesn't really understand now. She also should not feel any shame. She has done nothing wrong. I am half hoping this isn't real.

Thank you so much for posting that, weehector. I was quite alarmed by the emphasis on pressing charges, when Zondra had already explained the situation re islanders. Zondra, you've both been very brave in reporting the crime. As Hector says, the fact you have done so should help to protect other children. Now the most important thing is to create a safe space, where all of your family can process what's happened and regain your balance.

Do you have to stay on the island? Is there someone you could stay with, on the mainland, while your house sells? Your DD and you both need some counselling (it will help you both to get a healthy distance on the crime), maybe a couple of family sessions would be useful too. You both need some treats, as well - a shopping day, cinema trips, that sort of thing.

Do take good care of yourselves. Try to step back from feeling vengeful, even if you have to take a thousand deep breaths - a good life lies ahead of you all, please give yourselves the best chance of finding it soon

Fab. I disagree.

Your perogative, grace.

What a horrific story. I am so sorry Zondra

Zondra, I've been away and only just come back to your thread, why are they not acting? Have they given a reason? Can you still go to the mainland police? How is your daughter taking all this? Sorry so many quetions, just wishing I could think of some way to help..

Thinking of you all.

I don't really have much advice. This situation is quite is quite painful for me to read about because a similar thing happened to me as a child.
I sometimes suspect that my mum was maybe aware of what was happening (there was more than one incident) but I've never talked to her about it. I first told someone ten years after it happened. I'm glad you have taken this seriously and I hope your daughter, you and the rest of your family are getting the support you need.

therealme - I would be interested in talking (typing) to you.