My wee girl...

[Zondra]

Unsure about telling you all honestly about my problem.
Noone else to talk to.
But,feeling really bad about this,so here goes...
I read my wee daughter's diary & I found out that something awful has happened.
Crying now as I write this, an older boy,whose parents I know (never liked them,v.anti-social & drunks) took my daughter to his "den" in the woods & raped her anally.
She's kept it a secret for a year.
Only found out 3 days ago When I was decorating her room.
Obviously,told my DH.& obviously he went MAD.
BUT,we decided not to call the police.
Do not want my daughter subjected to any kind of interrogation proving this happened.
I know that she would be subjected to all kindsof cross-questioning & I DO NOT want her to go through that.
Absolutely,distressed & cannot type out further how I feel any further,but am wondering should we contact the police?
Am I failing her not reporting it???

Do you not have family on mainland? COuld take MONTHS to sell a house on an island in this economic climate. Are you going to wait until it sells?

Of course it grinds you down. I am sure that being annaly raped at 9 is no picnic either.

Thats a good point almostreal i forgot about that. Yeh thats what i would do..say for example you did live on Aaran you could go to Ardrossan police station. still feel for you having to live there while you get the house sold or rented.

off to bed i'll check this thread tomorrow. I'll be thinking about you!

In tears now.(Again)
Some of your responses have touched me deeply and again I thank you.Truly.
The advice I've bneen given has been great-really constructive.
I WILL sort this situation as best I can.

Littlemiss & Therealme- a special thanks.

very tasetful giraffes!! have a bit of compasion eh

Zondra i really wish i could give you a hug x

all of the islands are connected to a mainland division.

don't know which island you're on but the northern ones if you're northern/western isles you should be able to find the closest mainland station to ring on there

Never said anything "grinds me down" and I'm certain I don't agree with saying what happened to my daughter is "a picnic".

Must try & sleep now.Sorry for getting crabby and thanks again to all those who,ve replied with kind words & good advice.

Awassa true it does but imagine how it feels when you can just jump in the car and drive away from it all, you have to wait till the first ferry in the morning. People outside your house shouting abuse and you cant get away from it all.

The police and fire brigade dont patrol all night or even 24 hours it could take awhile until they arrive if you call for help.

You want something from the local shop, there is only one and it's the owners nephew and she refuses to serve you.

There is only one class in the primary school with about 20 students, 2 of the kids are related to the rapist anther 4 kids are family friends. Zondras DD ends up isolated from her peers and will feel she was right in not telling her parents and withdraw and feel angry with them as she now feels she is in a worse situation than before.

This crime needs to be reported ASAP but I understand why Zondra has hesitated, living in that sort of environment is very very different to living ina town or even a little village.

I know you didn't Zondra, someone else did. Point I'm making is however hard it is for you is 10x more for her. Poor child. She needs professional support NOW. Not in however many months it takes a house to sell in the middle of recession.

almostreal - I have lived in a small community, admittedly not an island, but we had no car, and no bus service at night.

Indeed if I was subject that sort of thing (harassment for reporting something like that where I am now I would have to wait untl the morning before I could catch a train or bus out of town.

I just don't think that the harassment she could potentially recieve is worse than the DD not getting the help she needs now.

I agree with Giraffes, it needs sorting now!!! Not waiting until you have sold your house and found somewhere else to live.

Poor girl will need therapy and the longer you prolong this, the harder it will be for her to open up and she will always be left wondering why you didn't do anything sooner.

What happens if the boy does this again in the meantime, to some other little girl? Then what?

I know it's hard for you but you really do need to go to the police sooner rather than later.

Perhaps the poor girl has kept it secret because she was threatened?

I am that she has kept this quiet for a year.

She needs help and support now. I personally think you need to go to the police asap - not once the house has sold.

The OP has already said she is going to go to police today.

sorry - must have missed that!

Zondra - my heart really goes out to you. I agree with the others who say you need to act on this now.

I am the daughter of an abuse surviver who did not get any counselling until much later in life. It had a profound impact on the way she raised me and as a result I spent much of my childhood feeling very unhappy and isolated. I grew up believing I was bad and unlovable, when in fact my mother's response to me was not personal but a reaction to her own horrendous experiences.

I don't want you to feel under pressure - but the results of these events could be more far-reaching them you imagine.

I wish you and your family all the best.

I can totally understand the posters saying that she needs help now, and agree totally.
But I do have to also say the Scottish Islands are like a different worls, even from remote scottish mainland.
THe people there are different to anyone on the mainland it is a totally different set of rules and I can also see why Zondra feels the way she does.

It is so easy for us to sit here without the emotional trauma and give advice to someone else but when you are living the trauma things become foggy and out or perspective and you do act on a here and now kind of thing because Zondra is trying to protect her daughter right now from any more pain so the knee jerk reaction is to sell up and run and then worry about this matter. Totally normal I think and totally normal for an outisder on an island to feel so emotionally alone and iscolated at a time like this.

My sexual abuser was my next door neighbour.
My parents thought that by ignoring him they had dealt with things.

Of course, they were worried about any fall out that might occur if they went public with it.

I then had to spend the rest of my childhood living next door to my abuser, 'content' in the knowledge that 'we were ignoring him, so that was all right'

It took another 20 years or so before it dawned on me that this might not have been the best way to deal with things from my 9 year old self point of view.

By that stage however, I was a damaged adult.

Zondra, you are doing the right thing. Your hesitation was understandable under the circumstances.

Report to the mainland and get away from the area asap, if you can. Even if to family or friends prior to finding somewhere to rent. It might feel drastic but I think you are right to wish to protect your daughter from potential backlash. Small community small mindedness is quite unique.

how are you today zondra? how did it go with the police?

Hello,sorry I haven't been on here for a while.
This week has been awful.
WEnt to police & they questioned my daughter.
Nothing came of it,sent home,no advice or help.
My original post was I that wanted to let her escape this & how do I without her hurt further.

More Hurt has been caused.

But,we went to the police & my original thoughts were right.
She has had to tell police about her terrible experience & nothing has been done.

The house is up for sale,have knocked a considerable amount off,hopefully for a quick sale.

Looked into renting,apparently a no-go,because market is "saturated".

Angry & infuriated & been drinking too-which I KNOW doesnt help.
GOD!!!!!!!!!!!

Sooo frustratred & angry.

Zondra, I'm so sorry to read that things have got worse. It's unbelievable that the police have failed to act!

Do you feel up to contacting theIPCC?

Zondra I'm sending you and your family lots of virtual hugs. I have found this story absolutely heartbreaking as I have a daughter the same age as yours and can't even begin to imagine what it would be like if she was hurt in this way.

Don't give up on getting justice for her. There has got to be a way.

Zondra - this is such a horrific story - I'm so sorry for you.
Is it worth writing to your MP - to say that the police aren't doing anything. (It's a side issue but If I lived in your constituency I would want to know what type of police force I had) Did the police give you any reason as to why they're not taking action.

I've heard of people taking private prosecutions against rapists.... but have no idea if that is appropriate here.
I haven't read all this thread but it may be worth contacting professionals like ChildLine( which is run by NSPCC) - they could probably advise you on further action - they may direct you to child therapists who can help you on the slow road to recovery.

BTW you certainly did the right thing.

this and this might be of interest and hopefully, will give some advice as to the minimum that you can expect from your local police.

Zondra i have no experience of the horror you are living in atm but i couldn't read without posting something.

I find it horrifying that the police wont do anything,could you take it further?

Do you have any family,close friends you could live with whilst waiting for your own home to sell/rent?

Your poor,darling dd, at least she knows you and her Daddy are trying to get her justice.

Dont doubt your actions,you have certainly done the right thing & my heart feels for you all.

Take care.