Mother in law issues -okay so it's not new!

[Bimble]

Hi, I'm 38 weeks pregnant and my MIL has told me that she 'wants to be on hand' when the baby is born. I have told her in no uncertain terms that my Aunt the closest thing I have to a mother will be here to help out in the first week and she is more than welcome to stay for a couple of days in the 2nd week. She is not happy about this at all and rocked up almost immediately when my first daughter was born 4yrs ago. She criticised everything from my breastfeeding to my choice of nappies and I'm starting to get quite anxious and annoyed about it all. Any tips for dealing with this most welcome!

Oh Boobz I agree.

Most women would be OK with their Mum staying but not MIL.

But am interested to know what the OPs husband thinks about his mum being sidelined.

Technically, it isn't fair that the OP's mum stays after the birth and not MiL. But, realistically, the OP will feel more comfortable with her own mother. I too wonder what the OP's DH thinks, as if he's like mine, he'll currently have his head under 3 feet of sand. IMO, it's OP's baby, OP's rules, no matter how unreasonable to the outside world.

My mum and dad actually asked me when I'd be up to visitors and I said to give us a couple of weeks. My dad then got a cold so they didn't see DS till he was 3 weeks old - they were overjoyed and there was none of this I wish I had seen him at 1 hour old malarkey. If only MiL had been the same. We had to lie to her to keep her away from the delivery room and even then that was a struggle.

Sorry, I meant Aunt......

Gosh I've stirred up a veritable hornets nest haven't I. Well I thought I was in labour the other day then had techie issues so forgive my silence I haven't been avoiding you...Nananina I thank you for your comments and I appreciate that I must sound terribly ungrateful. I also take on board the comments that I am hormonally sensitive and yes well..I am. I do not think my MIL is a bitch. She can be one just like we all can but I feel that going on what happened when DD1 was born and how she made me feel it would be in both of our interests to wait until I feel ready for a visit from her. That way it reduces the chances of us having a row or any awkwardness that could spoil the happy event of a new born baby arriving. I am trying very hard to accommodate her feelings but I do resent her telling me that is going to be on hand rather than asking me if I want her to be and I am only asking for a week. To me it's a practical solution, I'm spreading the family visits out and in so doing reducing the stress levels for all of us. The other thing is that when DD1 was born my Aunt as I say the closest thing to a mother I have totally respected my feelings and kept her distance without questioning why she couldn't come immediately only to find out that my MIL had apparently been allowed in immediately. That must have been hurtful for her but she was too diplomatic to say anything...

Diddl in answer to your question my partner feels that I am perhaps being a bit sensitive however he understands my need for my wishes to be respected this time. He also accepts that both of his parents are highly opinionated people that can be a bit much at the best of times let alone after his lady has just popped a sprog out!!! For instance His mum thinks I'm scandalous for using disposable nappies albeit eco ones, not breastfeeding for at least 12 months and told me that I should have started potty training at 6 months and that all 4 of her children were dry by 18months. His Dad doesn't understand why he has to or wants to be present at the birth at all and thinks that women that go back to work and put their kids in childcare are the lowest form of life and that society owes many of it's problems to working mothers...so you see how I might want to avoid some of these discussions post birth....

So yup Bimble - if you can't see a situatoin where your aunt - YOUR ADVOCATE IN THIS SITUATION POSSIBLY - can keep mils comments at bay for one afternoon visit - then keep her away for the week.

She sounds a pain and yup - I agree - she's not being any better by announcing that she's on hand rather than asking whether you need her on hand.

Good luck for the birth!! Wow.