would you think differently about a friend if you found out they had been having an affair for 5 yrs with their friends dh

[brimfull]

tis very weird feeling

I feel quite cheated as well

I agree that people are not always one thing or another

e.g. bill Clinton was a good president but I probably wouldn't marry him

etc

God knows, it might have gone on and on for ages. I know one now elderly lady who had an affair with a married man for about thirty years.

I think life is messy too, and hard, and I think you sound like a good friend as well.

I always think there's such an element of fantasy about affairs, that if it's spoken out loud, people would find it difficult to carry on. So they bury it, and blow the bubble up bigger.

Also think they tell themselves they're not hurting anyone etc. Then it all comes out . . .

I get that the adultery was with a friend's DH, which makes it a double betrayal.

But I don't see how that leads to 'is she shagging my husband'?

It reminds me of the daft boys at school who thought that all gay men wanted to roger them up the arse indiscriminately.

This woman is having an affair with one man. That categorically does not mean or even imply that she wants to shag 'people's husbands' - she wants to shag John. Or whatever his name is.

I could get into the whole semantics of 'is she doing x to my husband' as a strange interpretation of how sex and relationships work - surely if you think your DH might be shagging somebody else the question is 'is he shagging her', with him cast as the protaganist, given that his first relationship and loyalty is to you?

lol @ mp. I was having exactly that discussion about bill clinton with workmates today. I was the only one who thought that who he fooled about with had little bearing on him being president an' all. Sheesh.

Oh you're taking it too literally. "Is he shagging mine" means "Blimey, if she's that disloyal to X, how disloyal is she to me?"

I hate this post-modern idea that every act of someone is an individual act unconnected with any other act that person might commit.

Imagine applying that to every situation. "Just because he battered one wife, doesn't mean he'll batter another one". Well no, it doesn't, but someone with form is to be treated with caution. This woman has form on being a really, really bad friend.

It's like the lib dems

we know they are all alcoholics who like to poo on tables

but they still seem jolly nice people

I know nothing of the sort.

They poo on tables?

Which tables? When? Where? On what provocation?

Well, following on from Nick Clegg's SWMNBN run-in, I'm liking the lib dems more and more. They sound like they know how to have a good time!