My BF won't come home from the pub

[MILismad]

I'm 28wks pregnant and have a little boy of 2 and everytime my BF goes to watch football or have a pint he refuses to come home, he will say he is not staying out late and his phone will be turned off or he will call me all the names under the sun if I ask him to come back, I'm so lonely I feel like I have nobody I cant call anyone because I dont want them to hate him my parents are sick of it and his mum sticks up for him I just want us to be a family and yet I face another night alone.

Also I had post natal depression and am starting to feel so low, just needed someone to tell

you poor thing

you need to sit him down tomorrow when he is sober and have serious conversation with him

is it every Saturday ?

When I was PG with my son it was fri sat and sun every week so its not as bad now but its most weekends he was out last night we had booked cinema tickets and got a sitter he came home drunk but we had payed so felt it was a waste not to go. I am just not thought of at all its really getting me down

I have spoken to him and my dad has had a chat without me knowing but it just doesn't go in

am i being completely neurotic?

Has he got a problem with alcohol?

possibly it has been mentioned

Hi MILismad, I have a similar sort of problem when DP is drunk. He really is a horrible drunk, and becomes irresponsible. I have another thread on here, about him waltzing in at half 6 this morning, after yet another night on the piss. Ive taken the step of kicking him out so to speak. And requested he sorts of his issues with alcohol. What is your partner like when he is sober? Do you think the drink is causing him to be like this, or is it what hes like anyway?

Why don't you go visit a friend, or invite a friend over?

Don't just sit there alone watching the clock!

he is quite selfish normally but thats the way he is, being an only child. (not that all only children are selfish) but his mum has just let him grow up with no respect for anyone so as a result he does do just what he wants without thinking about us. When he has a drink its like he will do anything not co come home and if we row it just makes it worse, i just feel like i want someone to put me first I cant even call my mum because it hurts them when i am sad and i think my dad would go so nuts so i just sit here feeling alone and miserable im not sure if its the depression coming back or if its normal to feel like this i think i might be going mad

earlybird my friends all have familys and their partners are with them, they go out or stay in together and on odd occasions go out separately and single friends are out partying and i cant because im a prenant whale

Also its hard to arrange anything because he tells me he is coming home and i stupidly believe him

Thats so crap!
It would make you feel rubbish.
What is he like in terms of looking after DC? Can you go out, to a friends/meet a friend for a drink next weekend?

Oh sorry just read you are pg, so non-alcoholic drink then.

I had a boyfriend like this when I was younger - I know how awful it is to be disregarded in this way. I didn't realise it at the time but he was an alcoholic. He knew it but he didn't care, he chose alcohol over everything. The pub, his mates and the drink always came first, before me, his job, his health or even his driving license in the end

He won't change - he he has forced you into the role of nagging wife trying to spoil his fun and his entitlement to be out drinking whenever he wants. He is too selfish to be a decent partner or father.

It is up to you whether or not you are prepared to put up with it. You really shouldn't.

if i go anywhere i always check he doesnt mind first which i think people in relationships should and he always has his mates round he would never ever sit in alone while i was out and he wouldnt like if he did to be honest

mrsboogie I really wish i could want to be without him he was my first love and we split up for a few years we always knew we loved each other and have not felt the same about anyone else i would be lost without him or i think i would there isnt anyone else for me but i hate this side of him. i sound like a battered wife dont i?

Well I feel your pain, I really do. My xh was exactly like this and it never got better. He has started down this road now and you say he was like this before when you were pregnant with your first child. IMVHO a man who behaves like this has a massive sense of entitlement and believes that you should just let him do whatever he wants, look after his kids and keep your trap shut and stop spoiling his fun. That is why he gets angry and calls you names.

In the end I stopped ringing and forced myself to stop caring what he did but that was unhealthy because I was actually ignoring my own feelings and becoming very disconnected from them. I so relate to you saying you just want to be a family. I realise now though that you cannot make someone do this if they don't want to, you can only make yourself even more unhappy trying to make them.

My advice to you and I don't say this lightly is chuck him out. It will go one way or the other, it will either shock him into sorting himself out (best case scenario) or you will realise you are better off without him, less stress etc. I know what you mean about talking to your family though, when other people have a poor opinion of your partner and let you know about it, it can often add stress to the situation.

Oh and my ex is also an alcoholic so I think you need to look at that as being a possibility.

Im scared of being on my own, i wish the day would come that i would get sick of him and kick him out i just cant do it. do you know when the time is right or do you just have to do it feeling like crap?

agree with previous posters. i had an ex like this and also didn't share our problems with anyone in case they hated him. it went on a few years until late nights turned into all-nighters, which turned into days and then weeks. it was a long time before i faced up to the fact that he was an alcoholic.

i know, first hand, that this is so difficult and i feel so sad for you. you do need to pack his bags however. he is either in the grips of addiction or just a very selfish man. either way, he is not in the right place for a relationship. you can go on and be strong, i promise. just don't put up with this continued bad behaviour. you don't deserve it. chcildren, or no children, you deserve to be happy.

steelfairy is right, I'm afraid.

You could talk to him when he is sober and say you cannot carry on like this.

You say you love him and would be lost without him but does he love you? either your love is not returned in quite the same measure or he is unable to stop drinking once he starts.

Maybe he does love you and does intend to come home when he says he will. But once he starts drinking he can't stop and go home. If this is the case he has a drink problem. If so only he can do anything about it, but if you left him he might have to consider doing something about it.

to answer your most recent post, it took me a long time to face up to it. i did lose my temper eventually but only had the strength to stand by my decision by going for counselling. i was kind of co-dependent. it was crap, but i knew it was the right thing to do.

i can say now that i just think 'why didn't i do that earlier?!' i promise you...i'm single with a child but i am so, so happy. i can't believe i let myself stay sad and scared for so long.

thank you all for talking to me i really needed the company i know you are all right maybe i will go for it and if it changes then it was the right thing and if he stays the same then it was the right thing to. He doesnt realise how lucky he is because with 2 kids to look after every weekend he will be the one left home holding the baby wont he x

Milismad - I can understand your fears about being on your own, but your on your own now really arent you. It looks to me, you have all the shit bits of being single - lonely, all the responsibility is yours, and all the shit bits of a relationship - worrying where he is, having to compromise your own needs.

Id have to take my own advice and say kick him out for a bit, it'll at least give you some head space to think about what YOU want, and at least you'll be expecting to be on your own instead of not knowing when your going to be alone or not.

You sound like a lovely gentle person, and He's taking the piss.

Is this the reason why you split up the first time?

we were too young only 18 and so it didnt work. he has just txt me to say 'im havin a bit of dinner so deal with it' and so i rang him and he said 'just because youre pregnant doesnt mean you can treat me like a dick headd and tell me to come home you f*king Cnt' all this because i told him i am lonely and i need him. i dont think i can cope with it on my own but ive got nobody and am now devastated and wont sleep