Married colleague advertised for sex - What would you have done?

[ItsGraceAgain]

The lively response to this thread reminded me of something that happened at work a while back. This guy was an incurable lothario. He had the most wonderful wife & small kids, but he just couldn't keep it in his trousers. Nobody ever told his wife.

One day, wasting time on the interweb, we found HIS advertisement, complete with cheesy nude photo, on a sex search website. He said he was single and looking for a meaningful romance - along with the details of his prowess

This caused a great debate in the office. Although none of us would ever tell his wife about him "going astray", somehow the ad seemed different. He was actively going looking for it.

We didn't tell her.

Do you think we should have?

no

No, no-ones business but theirs IMO

cheers, AF
I sometimes wonder if they're still together.

AF, I think you should say what you really think.

Did you let him know you'd seen it?

Absolutely no way - no good ever comes of getting involved in other people's relationships.

hehe fab, I am knackered and couldn't be bovvered to type any more

Personally I would have printed the page and left it on his desk!

Say nothing, unless she is a friend of yours.

Nope, I wouldn't have told either....unless it was a very good friend of mine. People nearly always shoot the messenger in these situations.

weegiemum & ajandjjmum, we did print it our (poster size ) and spammed his advertisement with replies. We had a lot of fun! The silly bugger complained of harrassment, but was told to think himself lucky we hadn't snitched on him.

All the same - if I was married to him, I'd want to be told!
Oh, yeah ... I was married to someone like him, and his colleagues did 'let me know' if not in so many words. I was very grateful to them - it made the rows about it shorter!

Don't ever tell in situations like this.

A well meaning friend of my sister's told her that her DP was cheating on her. Obviously my sis was devastated.

Fast forward a month, through tears, recriminations and promises etc, my sis and her DP are back together 'stronger then before' and the friend who did the telling is no longer considered a friend, by either of them. Apparently she had 'always had it in for him' and was 'jealous'.

This is classic, from what I hear.

Isn't it weird? We go ballistic when we hear about a cheating spouse, but don't say anything when we see it ...

I would want to know. Definately. And I know I would not blame the person who told me.

I think the recieved wisdom is that until it happens to you, you don't know how you'd react if your partner cheated.

Ie, 'I'd want to know', and 'I'd kick him straight out' often tend to be more grey in reality then in the black and white of our imagination.

Hasn't happened to me and I dunno, maybe I'd rather not know if it wasn't ongoing. What a can of worms to have to deal with.

I've never ever had a friend thank me for saying anything bad about their partners, but I'd have plenty ask me later 'why the fuck did you let me go out with that idiot!'.

I was told. And I was bloody grateful, it saved me my sanity, and has given me a much stronger position to deal with the aftermath.

Difficult to know though, as I know of many people who are "turn a blind eye" types and just wouldn't want to know..

I would but I would do it anonymously (set up an email address and email her the link to the webpage) as I've lost a friend over this when young and silly.

Laurie, not sure how I'd have reacted to that although I understand the wanting to be anonymous. I'd have hated not knowing who knew such a personal thing about my life tbh.

would have printed off advert, posted it to wife anonomously. Perhaps with a note saying "sorry for sending you this, I would have wanted to know if it was my husband"

snowpoint, would you rather have known at least 80 people were all too familiar with it??

Actually, in that situation, yes.. odd though that might sound. If he were that much of a tosser, I'd be happy people knew it.

I'd really need to know who'd sent the info I think. Otherwise I think I'd drive myself mad wondering where it had come from and end up assuming the worst anyway.

I've worked with people who were clearly having affairs with anyone who would respond, and it was always so awkward seeing their wives at work do's. It's an incredibly difficult issue to call.

I would tell, without a shadow of a doubt.
Some poor cow with no idea what her "perfect" husband was up to, I don't don't know how people who knew could live with themselves for not telling tbh.

God no.

If I told the wives/husbands of everyone I know or work with who have had an affair, there'd be several dozen less marriages in the world. Definitely a NoMFuP situation.

No, learn to mind your own business. You don;t know that his wife hasn't cheerfully told him to go and get his jollies elsewhere. Because that isn't any of your business.