Married colleague advertised for sex - What would you have done?

[ItsGraceAgain]

The lively response to this thread reminded me of something that happened at work a while back. This guy was an incurable lothario. He had the most wonderful wife & small kids, but he just couldn't keep it in his trousers. Nobody ever told his wife.

One day, wasting time on the interweb, we found HIS advertisement, complete with cheesy nude photo, on a sex search website. He said he was single and looking for a meaningful romance - along with the details of his prowess

This caused a great debate in the office. Although none of us would ever tell his wife about him "going astray", somehow the ad seemed different. He was actively going looking for it.

We didn't tell her.

Do you think we should have?

Agree with Brahms. Approx 75% of the men I worked with in one particular company were cheating on their wives/partners. (wish I could name and shame - if you live in the Reading area, be wary!!)

It was pretty much acceptable company culture even amongst senior management and directors. Made me mad but there wasn't anything I could do and I certainly wouldn't have told anyone's partners.

I'm normally against interfering in other people's private lives. But the collusion thing makes me uncomfortable - if 'everyone at work' knows that X is a serial adulterer, doesn't it make them accessories in some way?

As for companies that have a shag-tastic culture, how dreary and depressing. Wish someone would expose the shits.

Careers with 'shagtastic' cultures - medicine, law and finance are the worst ime (had an enlightening temping career) with doctors being the absolute worst, especially the surgeons. I would be surprised if many of their partners/wives didn't suspect. Exposing the culture = eviction from it, the inner circle and career progression.

yy to medicine - if I was married to someone who got into medical politics and started hanging around BMA House a lot I'd be very worried.

I agree with Chippy & Edam (cheesy chips, haha)
SGB, don't you think we knew his wife was ignorant/innocent of his wrongdoing? Everyone had to be thoroughly briefed on everyone else's marital fibs, otherwise the entire workforce would have needed time off for couples counselling

I do think it stinks. As a much-cheated (ex)wife, I know one of the hardest things to bear is that "everybody knew except you".
When "everybody" amounts to several hundred people, who you meet regularly, all of whom have colluded in your spouse's cheating ... aaarghh

It sets up unhealthily complex bonds between co-workers, too.

Interesting, brahms!! SIL divorced her surgeon H, he was a bloody nightmare..

And my old company was finance based. I also worked in an IT one which actively encouraged employees to get together rather than having relationships outside the company didn't last long there..

In the hospital I worked in, there were 9 othopaedic surgeons and 7 of them were having affairs (proper ones, not just the odd shag). Total common knowledge.

Brahms you missed out meeja. I would have thought NOTHING could be more insane than meeja! But then, I've never worked with surgeons

Ah, never worked in the media I'm afraid. Nor politics, although a friend of mine does and I have heard things, couldn't possibly tell you as I don't want to get sued...

One day, wasting time on the interweb, we found HIS advertisement, complete with cheesy nude photo, on a sex search website

Frankly I think you need to worry a bit more about what sort of job you are doing where you have enough time to look on sex websites

OMG, a friend of mine was a hi-class hooka. ALL her funniest stories were about politicians! And judges

Alongside medicine, I reckon sales has to be one of the worst professions for cheating. Pretty much our whole sales force were at it, with frequent trips away, and conferences to cover it all.

morningpaper mate, we were so high-performance, we always had a bit of spare time. And it was essential to keep up with the vox pop - research, y'know.

Haha Grace that reminds me of Adrian Mole: The Cappucino Years, where his friend who was a call girl told him about the Labour politician who liked her to shout 'Betty Boothroyd' 'Clause 4' and 'October Revolution' during sex.

morningpaper, wherever it is, it sounds ideal!! I'm updating my CV this weekend..

mp - yes, was trying to imagine the scenario . . .

lols aplenty

One of my old bosses used to quite openly sneak off to meet his OW during work time. I was expected to cover for him when his wife rang. I got so fed up of it that I went from telling her he was 'out on a job' to telling her he was 'out on the job.' She never picked up on it - that I know of - but it was my little rebellion!

Back in the day we used to trade office gossip on a ratings system - 1 for mundane, 10 for absolute scandal. Nothing like receiving an email headed "I've got a 10.." the morning after an office do to get us all talking.

Now I've grown up (a bit) and gone through some crap myself, I hope I wouldn't be as blase about others misery, whether they were aware or not.

And - there were a fair few married women who were cheating too - these men had to have someone to do the dirty with, let's not forget..

Being a temp, you really saw the dirty end of it as well. Because you wouldn't be around for long and couldn't damage their careers people would tell you anything/hit on you without thinking twice. Once had a boss who I thought must be 'safe' because he was married and his eldest daughter was only a couple of years younger than me (and she was in sixth form, so I was young) - wrong. Declared himself 'obsessed' and got really really arsey and mean when I turned him down.

Remember that some people really would prefer not to know that a spouse is seeking sex elsewhere. Because you might have decided (perhaps based on previous experience) that if you wait it out, it comes to a natural end, and you can continue keeping up appearances. Whereas if someone takes it upon themselves to tell you all about it, the pressure is then on for you to do something, and make a big fuss which might not be what you wanted to do.
It's never a good idea to stick your beak into other people's relationships because of how you think you would prefer to react. Other people are not you. Their business is not your business.

But ... By deciding not to say anything, you're still taking a decision about their relationship, aren't you? Once you know: you're stuck with making a choice, even though it's not your business either way.

It's like observing animals in the wild, you can't interfere.

Oh, forgot academia as a shagtastic environment.

Added: Your assumption that a compliant wife would 'have' to do something, if told, seems oddly naive coming from you.
I was a compliant wife for quite a long time. I knew. I sure as hell preferred that, to being surrounded by people who were keeping a secret from me!

Oh, heck, Brahms, I'd almost forgotten about the affair I had with my lecturer