Mediation...

[violet101]

I have just reluctantly agreed to mediation to discuss the kids/house as we can't agree over their welfare.

I cannot trust my stbH with my ds's and feel it'll mean washing dirty laundry with a mediator which will probably see him fuming that I've brought it up...

What happens?
Did help/not help....

Thanks
v x

Sorry but I need to rant!!!

My H's solicitor has said he'd like to go through with mediation because he, like me, is going for the kids and the house. I understand that... However,

This is the man that if I say anything in public that he doesn't like, has threatened to hit me,

This is the man that thinks its ok to 'cuff his children round the earole cos it never did him any harm'.... I see the man who hits my children round the head with my son asking why I married a bully that hits us (I hasten to add he has never actually hit me). Having lost one child to brain damage I admit its a raw point..

This is the man who when I suggested Relate in a letter (so he could chew it over) wouldn't read the letter.

This is the man who works away alot of the time and now is happy to quit it all to 'be with his kids'... whilst I've spent years trying to recarve a new career for myself (at his demands to bring in more money) having given up a very successful one initially.... so now he's around more than I am for the kids. Should I just give up too?!

This is the man who says he can afford our mortgage but badgers me daily about not contributing when he earns double what I earn and I only earn enough to cover shopping, clothes, food etc....

This man seems to have everyone sympathising with him

And I don't know how to deal with it. I welcome the opportunity to air my grievances but am quite scared of the fallout afterwards...

Any advice, anyone?

I just think that you should go along to the mediation, and tell the mediator exaclty what your concerns are.

My understanding of mediation is, that it is for just that reason, so that both of you can air your views in a controlled environment and be honest with each other, with the view to making arrangements without the use of solicitors.

If your H is trying to go for custody and being an all round pig, then surely saying how you feel in a secure environment is the way to go ?

If it were me I would also be inclined to say that in the past he has threatened you with violence and the way he deals with the DC.

good luck

Rant on here a bit more, Violet. I went to mediation with my ex and, although it did help to move us beyond the stalemate we'd reached, it left us with an unsatisfactory outcome. This was because I still wasn't able to isolate the practical issues from my emotional ones - and was still scared of 'upsetting' him.

Keep venting, and reading your feedback, until you're clear about what you want from the mediation. This will help the mediator in a complicated, difficult job.

Good luck