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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

This sounds really trivial...

62 replies

tiredmelly · 10/01/2010 22:49

To not drone on too much and sorry if it sounds a bit trivial-

Am I out of order being peeved at DH for coming up behind me and talking to me whilst I was clearing stuff off the floor? Thus resulting in me banging my head with a massive whack on the corner of a chest of drawers.

Because I said he shouldn't have come up behind me he went off in a huff calling me a 'freak'. A simple 'sorry' would have sufficed.

Would you be massively peed off in your DH called you a freak?

OP posts:
BuckBuckMcFate · 10/01/2010 22:53

I can see both sides TBH

DP and I both call each other all sorts of names, playfully, but then there are certain words, not swearing or particularly offensive that we have both got in a stop about.

Although I would've expected big apologies for making me bang my head, even if unintentionally.

So, are you more bothered about the lack of apology or being called freak?

Original poster
tiredmelly · 10/01/2010 23:05

Both I think..

I know I would have been gushing apologies if it was the other way round. The fact that he never apologised just seems to me like he didn't care and that's probably why i was peeved initially, if he'd apologised the rest of the blow up wouldn't have happened.

Him calling me a freak is totally out of order in my eyes - more to do with the way he said it.

OP posts:
Alambil · 10/01/2010 23:06

how did him talking make you bang your head?

EcoMouse · 10/01/2010 23:07

You blame him for bumping your very own head? Irrational. Your reaction isn't his responsibility. It was an accident!

Original poster
tiredmelly · 10/01/2010 23:08

I didn't know he was there and jumped up from a bent down position when he spoke.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 10/01/2010 23:08

yes, it's really trivial

you over-reacted, he shouldn't call you a freak

not worth getting upset about

unless there is more to this story...

TrillianAstra · 10/01/2010 23:08

Talking to you while cleaning = perfectly normal thing to do. I would probably have said 'sorry' but it's not as if he actually did anything wrong or could have preicted that it owuld make you bang your head.

Calling you a freak - less nice, but you did just go off on one by the sound of it.

BuckBuckMcFate · 10/01/2010 23:08
Original poster
tiredmelly · 10/01/2010 23:10

That's why i was asking, because i wasn't sure if I was out of order being peeved.

OP posts:
Original poster
tiredmelly · 10/01/2010 23:16

I suppose it's just a long line of things that have happened over the last year - our relationship seems to have improved in last few months but the slightest thing triggers us off.

He's not spoken since and has decided to sleep on the sofa.

OP posts:
EcoMouse · 10/01/2010 23:17

Not out of order being peeved.

I'd feel like a right twat too if I bashed my own head, doubly so for jumping when someone (who was perfectly entitled to be there) spoke and more so for then ranting at them irrationally.

Out of order being peeved at him, yes. Your over-reaction led to his, which doesn't justify his of course because you aren't a freak! You just behaved like one.

I do it all the time

AnyFucker · 10/01/2010 23:17

tm, sleeping on the sofa after a minor tiff is unreasonable

come on, tell the whole story now...

EcoMouse · 10/01/2010 23:18

Now he's behaving like a freak.

Original poster
tiredmelly · 10/01/2010 23:23

I can't even remember the rest of it - prob pathetic again - it end with me saying something like 'you go back to your easy worklife!!' (ouch - nasty i know) he then went off in one and grabbed me by the arms and shouted in my face 'you think my worklife is easy, do you!!'

Nothing has happened since that, we haven't spoken to each other.

OP posts:
BuckBuckMcFate · 10/01/2010 23:24

I would over react too tm but then we'd cwtch and make up.

I don't think it justifies sleeping on the sofa.

Is he wanting you to go and make the 1st move? On the few occasions that I have had major strop and threatened to sleep on the sofa, I have wanted DP to come to me and ask what is so wrong that you won't come to bed?

BuckBuckMcFate · 10/01/2010 23:24

x post there

BuckBuckMcFate · 10/01/2010 23:25

Has he actually hurt you?

EcoMouse · 10/01/2010 23:26

He is not allowed to grab you he is not allowed to shout in your face!!

If you are tripping each other off so easily, there must be underlying ishoos which need to be addressed. It must be hard work to live like this?

Have you considered speaking with Women's Aid for advice?

Original poster
tiredmelly · 10/01/2010 23:27

No just left red marks which have now faded.

OP posts:
Original poster
tiredmelly · 10/01/2010 23:29

I did consider it earlier in year when it was unbearable to live here.. but i thought we were coming out the other end.

Although the last time we argued I asked him to go to relate and he point blank refused.

OP posts:
EcoMouse · 10/01/2010 23:32

You have nothing to lose by at least calling. You don't need his involvement to take this step. Do so if you feel up to it?

How often do incidents like this occur?

BuckBuckMcFate · 10/01/2010 23:36

This is not good is it?

I think ecomouse's suggestion of Women's Aid is something you should consider.

Do you have children?

Original poster
tiredmelly · 10/01/2010 23:38

We have argued often since last year.

He has only ever once before grabbed me in anger and that was at the beginning of last year when we very nearly split.

I'm not sure what exactly women's aid can do? I thought they were for if you want to get sway from your partner?

OP posts:
BuckBuckMcFate · 10/01/2010 23:39

Do you want to be with him?

Why did he refuse relate?

Sorry so many questions!

Original poster
tiredmelly · 10/01/2010 23:40

I have two - dd4 and ds2. Ds has global dev delay and is currently going through investigations

OP posts: