X is dying, again

[EcoMouse]

Long and documented history of EA.

He has threatened suicide many times since split and has sporadically said he's dying of this or that (always things which some of my own and much loved family members have died from in the recent past).

I used to get dragged into every drama, have distanced myself emotionally.

Having trouble this time, he as kept up this particular bout for several months, consistantly. Has now said he's received news that he's on is way out.

Concerned for children. Could equally be crying wolf. Head up bum, help?

(DV/Emotional support worker not available until after weekend).

Heqet, I understand what you are saying.

The way I'm choosing to see it is that there is now further documentation of his antics. I also feel absolved of the responsibility he tried to place with me - I passed the buck.

good luck eco x

and you sound lovely, btw

sorry about your gran and your dad, he is a bastard to be pulling those kinda strings on you

How are you resisting the temptation to text "can't happen soon enough. Can't wait to be free of you."

I know you can't, obv!! But you must want to, so badly.

oh ffs, the police weren't meant to check on his welfare - it was supposed to give him a fright. tell your DV officer and keep the texts re the police visit so they can reattend and charge him

no further contact from you please

no further contact with dc

make sure solicitor knows extent of EVERYTHING

Thanks AF x

Heqet, by the skin of my teeth (whatever that actually means!)

Dizzy, I will indeed. DV unit are much more clued up, luckily. The lack of awareness @ local station wrt DV issues in general is quite honestly shocking

Agreed heqet,but he will get himself arrested for wasting police time,and/or Harrassment.
I also agree with af,supervised contact at the bare minimum,hes proving himself to be unstable,i used to have nightmares about being one of those mothers you read about in the papers.
I would hope you are receiving adequate support from you hv on this..go make a snow angel with your babies and ignore the prick :-)

Heqet whilst he may perceive it as a victory for him he will be logged each and every time giving the solicitors/DV unit more ammunition in their case against him & hopefully either end up being arrested of fined for wasting police time/stalking/harrassment etc

My local police nearly arrested me,they were more interested in wether i had been drinking,which i hadnt,than his assault on me,they were vile,but DV officer put a rocket up them when she came back on duty

Eco I am glad you have an awareness and good support in place.

However I don't think being in touch with him by text is a good idea.

You are still giving him responses. If you just ignored him completely he might give up using that avenue.

I would seriously consider making that boundary one of the first. No contact except by letter, anything regarding the kids included.

You have no responsibility toward this twonk. Yet you are still allowing him to contact you and be responded to. You may not be able to stop him contacting you at present but you can refuse to engage, and it will hasten his giving up if you do.

Why exactly do you feel you are bound to reply or text him anything at all? I presume you have other ways of making contact re the children.
Do you see what I'm saying? Best feeling I ever had was when I had dumped ex (or he had left, not sure which) and I suddenl;y realised that even if he did get access to the baby, there was no court in the world that could force me to like him, or speak to him, or have him in my home again let alone my bed. I never had to think about him again except inasfar as he might have contact with his child.

He was no longer my problem and that was truly up to me..I think maybe he knows you are susceptible to emotional blackmail...you could try to find a way to make yourself immune, at least as far as it appears to him. I can see you are already trying to do this but please stop texting him!

FA, I haven't text him. He isn't even meant to have this number and he has been arrested (and cautioned) wrt harrassment of me before. He continues 'conversations' with me as if I'm responding. Quite disconcerting on the one hand, absolutely outrageous on the other!

I will invest in a new phone that will block numbers (current one doesn't) in the very near future. Would prefer not to change number again as it's a faff for everyone else I know, although I know they don't mind.

Latest installment - he is 'leaving everything to me'. I think - 'Lovely! Your children (whom you have not mentioned once in all of this ) will be able to watch tv on flatscreen lcd, rather than the aged black lump in the corner that shows little but snow'. ...but I wont tell him that

I do believe my sense of indifference towards him (or humour!) is starting to return. Glad about that because it took a long time and a lot of effort to develop it in the first place!

Oh gosh I am so sorry for assuming you were taking part in this 'conversation' what a freak!!!

He sounds really deranged, and you sound incredibly strong...I think faced with numptyhood of that degree I might well have turned into a quivering wreck, and be hiding beneath the dining table.

My sister's ex was the same - she know he was lying (about having an inoperable tumour - one of many lies).

She offered to go with him to the appointment. Which was suddenly cancelled.

Hes a sad sack of shite,and you,lovely mummy,are well rid of them both....

I'm glad you are suspending contact, sadly he is the type of man who might harm the DC to 'punish' you. As long as you have documented evidence of his abusive behaviour, the courts will be on your side and the DC won't have to see either horrid XP.

Just a quick update.

(Thanks SG, I do feel it's the right thing to do at this point too.)

The texts continue (i.e. he's very much alive but continuing along the same thread- every txt is his 'last one') ...with a bit of stalkery thrown in for good measure.

Spoke with DV officer yesterday, need to go and make a statement and police will persue (evidence depending) under harrassment law.

Am meeting with DV/EH worker today to discuss all next steps, will email solicitor following this, regarding non-molestation orders against both Xs, amongst other things.

Feeling more capable in myself, less affected than I did at the weekend. Thank you all so much for helping me regain my sense of perspective

glad the DV officer able to help somewhat EcoMouse - fingers crossed it works

Good on you..heres to happiness and peace of mind

Surely he's going to feel ridiculous even to himself eventually? He's having more come-backs than the Rolling Stones.

What I'm far more intrigued by on a psychological level is the little partnership your two exes have developed. It seems counter-intuituive that two men with issues about control and letting go should ally with each other to persecute the same person. I predict a massive falling out between them. To me it just says that they neither want you, they just want to make your life difficult. Arseholes. Did they know each other before you split with the second one?