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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

X is dying, again

93 replies

EcoMouse · 09/01/2010 21:37

Long and documented history of EA.

He has threatened suicide many times since split and has sporadically said he's dying of this or that (always things which some of my own and much loved family members have died from in the recent past).

I used to get dragged into every drama, have distanced myself emotionally.

Having trouble this time, he as kept up this particular bout for several months, consistantly. Has now said he's received news that he's on is way out.

Concerned for children. Could equally be crying wolf. Head up bum, help?

(DV/Emotional support worker not available until after weekend).

OP posts:
Original poster
EcoMouse · 09/01/2010 23:57

Solid, he is an arse, an extremely ludicrous one! I play similar games with friends too .
It's not feelings of sympathy towards him I'm struggling with though (he has been that bad) so much as concern for the DC's ...if he isn't crying wolf.

Then again, I'm concerned for the DC's WRT him if he isn't genuine about this too!

OP posts:
Original poster
EcoMouse · 10/01/2010 00:03

...also struggling because his latest 'condition' is what my (grand)mother died from last year. I suppose I haven't dealt with that thoroughly yet, so he is rubbing salt into an open wound.

If he isn't dying, he has seriously excelled himself in callousness.

OP posts:
StarlightMcKenzie · 10/01/2010 00:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

StarlightMcKenzie · 10/01/2010 00:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
EcoMouse · 10/01/2010 00:39

Starlight, I have a DV/Emotional support worker but she isn't around until monday. Support here is really helping me regain my perspective (and sanity!).

He hasn't said anything to the children that I know of and I'd hope I would. He has broken down regarding this at a handover. Asked for a hug, in front of the DC. I had to walk away, in front of the DC. Horrendous.

I'm going to invest in a phone which will enable me to block his number again. I used to be able to on an old one but my latest wont, annoyingly! I don't have a landline, it's not currently worth the risk.

OP posts:
Original poster
EcoMouse · 10/01/2010 00:55

I took the DC with me by the way, didn't leave them in the clutches of the sniffling oik.

OP posts:
echt · 10/01/2010 06:18

Excellent advice from the regulars, Eco. What an epic arse.

Take care of yourself and DC.

annatw9 · 10/01/2010 08:17

does he have a sister or brother that you could use as an intemediary, and to confirm whether or not he is actually ill? sounds like a horrific situation for you.

mehdismummy · 10/01/2010 08:38

change your number again babe, he is losing his control over you so this his way of getting some back, do you have to have to drop the lids off to him, can you not get someone to be with you?

nancydrewrocks · 10/01/2010 08:44

What an arse.

Do not text him back, he is craving attention and wants to know that he is getting it.

Do your children have to see him in these circumstances? I would be inclined to keep them well away.

Anniegetyourgun · 10/01/2010 08:52

I have to accept everyone is right when they say get the law onto it and meanwhile don't engage at all, but in your position I would be overwhelmingly tempted to type "GOOD!". Unfortunately you're a much nicer person than I am and would spend the next several hours agonising that if he really was ill the last message you would have sent would be something horrible.

The fact that it's something he knows a close relative of yours died of is near certain proof that he hasn't got anything of the sort (and yes, he IS that callous, you know he is). You really have to assume first off that any time he talks about death it is simply bullshit. As SGB so excellently put it, he wouldn't be so obliging as to drop dead. He knows you are a caring and compassionate person and is using this as a lever into your life. The sheer wickedness takes one's breath away.

Besom · 10/01/2010 08:53

Hi, This sounds awful for you. I agree that he seems to be trying everything he can to exert some control over you, so he's pulling out all the stops. You've said he's got a history of this sort of behaviour, so the likelyhood is there's nothing wrong with him.

Stay on here for support, and then speak to your support worker tomorrow to develop a strategy to deal with this behaviour in future - like blocking your phone again.

If he threatens suicide or anything, phone his gp or NHS direct - it's up to them to deal with it and there's nothing you can do in any case.

Take care X

dizzydixies · 10/01/2010 08:55

I am utterly appauled that the domestic Violence unit aren't available until Monday

phone and leave a message for them to contact you ASAP and ask them for an alternative contact for when they're not available

and email your solicitor/ignore EX completely

Besom · 10/01/2010 08:56

I meant to say if he threatens suicide and you're at all worried about it. Don't try to engage with him yourself.

zookeeper · 10/01/2010 08:59

Ignore ignore ignore - any answer at all will give him the attention from you that he craves and pull you back into the circle of abuse. Can't you block the msns?

if he really is dying and he feels that you should know then if he gets no response from you he can go through his solicitor or some reliable third party

Please don't respond to him; it is just what he wants

zookeeper · 10/01/2010 09:02

and keep all these messages so you can show the world that he abusing you ; they would certainly be relevant in any future contact proceedings regarding the children

AttilaTheMeerkat · 10/01/2010 09:06

ecomouse

This is horrific for you. Feel for both you and the children. Keep your children well away from this dangerous and manipulative individual. I would be actually now looking for them to have no contact with him at all.

Would only say do not respond in any way but report this to your Solicitor asap.

My BIL did something like this, infact he actually told us all the number of weeks he had left!. We were used to his crapola and we counted them down to zero. BIL is narcissistic and would think your ex is also.
Its all about them you see, nothing and no-one else is of any importance whatsoever.

Of course he did not die either.

Littleblue · 10/01/2010 09:08

Sgb and anyfucker,what a combo you are lol..Ecomouse,its sounding to me like another game,my violent exe used any trick in the book too..ignore it,its part of the sense of entitlement these bastards have..

dizzydixies · 10/01/2010 09:36

oh and if he is threatening suicide, phone the police. Explain that he has sent you text/told you he's going to commit suicide and they will attend and speak to him - he can be charged for Breach or wasting police time depending on the circumstances

I hate eejits like this and he is lowest of low for using similar ailments to your poor gran

very on your behalf.

diddl · 10/01/2010 10:08

I agree with get the police involved.

My husband had a stalker who phoned him at work threatening suicide.

He called the police, they broke in & she was sectioned.

Garrylous · 10/01/2010 10:11

god poor you.
this is very common though isnt it the terminal illness thing.
maybe you could think " great " when he threatens it... or just let us think it

duchesse · 10/01/2010 10:13

Just text him back "OK, bye then". He sounds like an attention-seeking loser. I suggest you do NOT rise to it. He's clearly cried wolf far too often.

My sister in the end used to say "not in my bloody car you don't" when her now Ex threatened to throw himself off Beachy Head on a regular basis. He's still alive and bugging her now. More's the pity

dizzydixies · 10/01/2010 10:16

duchesse - no, that the LAST thing she should do. Any reaction or reply from her will only encourage further texts/communication from him - she must ignore it all.

duchesse · 10/01/2010 10:17

Sorry, having read that he has your number when he shouldn't, no don't text him, don't respond at all. And change your Sim card and give the number only a very small and trusted number of people. My sister got through three numbers before she managed to get her contacts down to few enough that her number was safe. People are too trusting/ don't believe that a person can be that duplicitous.

duchesse · 10/01/2010 10:19

Eco- he's not called Eamonn is he? He sounds uncannily like my sister's ex, although our one's texts seem to have fewer rude words in them.

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