X is dying, again

[EcoMouse]

Long and documented history of EA.

He has threatened suicide many times since split and has sporadically said he's dying of this or that (always things which some of my own and much loved family members have died from in the recent past).

I used to get dragged into every drama, have distanced myself emotionally.

Having trouble this time, he as kept up this particular bout for several months, consistantly. Has now said he's received news that he's on is way out.

Concerned for children. Could equally be crying wolf. Head up bum, help?

(DV/Emotional support worker not available until after weekend).

Thank you all. Throughout the night, he progressed to threatening suicide, told me where letters to each of us could be found, following which there was no more communication from him.

Called police this morning and they are going to carry out a 'welfare check'.

My dad committed suicide while X and I were together. He came with me when I had to ID his body. He is a complete sh*t, whether he does/has or doesn't/hasn't, to even contemplate or mention putting our DC's through what he saw me experience.

Duchesse, no, not an Eamonn.

Eco..hes a nasty piece of work,and you very evidently arent,this stuff is very common in DV,i know it only too well.
To 'mirror' painful events in your past to manipulate you is also a form of violence as you know..hugs girl..and change your phone number.

He is unhinged.

Littleblue, I hadn't realised the mirroring of painful events was a recognised trait in DV. Makes sense though, every other behaviour he's displayed has been textbook.

Eco,

You are telling us what he said in your oP, but I'm not certain what he expects you to do about it...concerned about the kids, how?

You obviously don't have the power to prevent him from dying etc so what does he want you to do exactly?

I think this is blatant manipulation...you get a message like that and you think 'Oh I am supposed to...[fill in blank]'

He knows this

The fact he is dying (if true - and use of euphemistic 'on my way out' would suggest not) has zero bearing on your responsibilities and you do not need to act on it. You cannot help this deluded fuckwit.
And it's not your job anyway...even if he was dying. He could sort out the necessary legal things like his will etc or letters about the children if required. This changes nothing. He just wants you to jump for him.

...and how the heck did he get your number? You need to get some kind of injunction, to prevent this...speak to womensaid, they were telling me all this stuff the other week, they are great.

He is continuing the abuse. It needs to stop. The only thing you need to be concerned about is if he is doing it to the kids as well...if he is lying to them about this it's serious and a good reason to prevent contact.

I am so sorry for you, and hope you can remain strong...well done on the hug front, ie refusing to.

Is he safe to leave your children with? I would seriously be asking for supervised contact if he's so unstable. Can you go back to Family court and ask for a revision of access arrangements in light of his apparent instability? He is utterly abusing you. I really suggest going to the shops and getting a new sim straight away. Do voicemails get stored on the Sim? If so could you just pass it to the police as evidence?

As far as I remember it took the best part of a year before my sister's ex started realising he wasn't going to get what he wanted from her.

Eco its part of the pattern of behaviour,along the lines of twisting arguments so that your apparently 'abusing' him..your unreasonable,etc...smoke and mirrors are behind most of their tactics,my exe once sabotaged my car by taking the leads off the battery,i hid (he thought id walked away)then reconnected them..i reversed down the drive and he actually jumped behind me,tried physically to stop my car,climbed through the rear door,pinned me to my door,took the keys and threw them in the woods..he then walked indoors and called the police saying id tried to run him over!
They told me this when i called them as this incident left me scratched and bruised and very shaken..
An example of how they twist everything,however awful,to their own advantage..as a previous poster said,narcissism?

Ilove,they arent unhinged,they always have a limit,ie when they are throwing stuff around,and breaking things..how often is it their own property do you think?

FA, he got my number from my previous x. They're now in cahoots. As far as my DV worker is concerned, I have two perpetrators.

DV worker wishes for me to seek injunctions against both, I'm in discussion with my solicitor about it. I'm also due to be rehomed (secret location, as far as those two are concerned) due to their combined behaviour.

Am very concerned about the children and taking advice from DV worker and sol about contact, etc. It's only just been reinstated following a break down due to his behaviour at handover then his arrest. Not looking good for the future!

Check out Lundy Bancrofts book "Why Does He Do That"..i had one hidden in my car with a false cover on it lol..its an enlightening and very very helpful book.

If hes terminally ill,hes shot himself in the foot if its a fairy story,if that were the case,hes hardly fit to have the kids is he?!

Agreed Starlight,but not needing emotional support is aways down the line for eco at this point..shes in the thick of it atm,my exe ended up living in a field,and yes,i did lagh about that :-)

Starlight, I appreciate what you're saying and agree.

I had got to a point where I was quite resiliant to my x's behaviour but for some reason I'm feeling quite flakey at the moment.

Maybe it's because they only recently joined forces, maybe it's because they've just tried to use SS to put me through the mill. (SS 'NFA'd, say I am a 'fantastic' mum and consider Xes to be perps of 'malicious collusion and accusations')

...I'd tend to think, while they don't know I'm struggling, they aren't reaping any of the power which they would if I gave in and interacted with them, IYSWIM?

Good for you Eco,it must be hard not to feel vulnerable with two of them at you.Struggle where it doesnt disempower you,absolutely

Littleblue, that incident sounds horrific! I had a similar reaction from X when I had to physically throw him out of my home (with very good reason). I'm a self defence instructor but it's little use when coping with EA's.

Police have confirmed that he appears to be fine.

Meanwhile, he has txt saying 'as if he'd tell them anything' and he 'has a few more sorry's to say and one more letter to write'. Told police who say they have done their bit. Shall follow their lead and consider my bit done too.

One of many..but 2.5 years later,we have finally achieved a civil co-parenting arrangement,i stood my ground last time he kicked off,and blanked him,refused to engage with all the shite..eventually he backed down,and said 'it was bad for the kids' durrr
I used to be terrified of him,i lived on my nerves 24/7..but lifes easier now,its left me with some 'issues' but im a grown up,you cant fix all of it immediately eh :-)

Ignore him,what a dickhead.

Do something pleasureable..treat yourself now.

Eco, am not sure from your posts if his alone contact with the dc is still happening

if it is, I suggest you suspend it immediately and indefinitely

I see headlines here, unfortunately, he sounds desperate enought to hurt the dc to get to you

"If I can't have them then nobody will..."

chilling

Good thinking LB will go and play in the snow with the DC's and wallow in how lucky I am, because I am really.

The oiks are just a thread apart that occasionally tangles up with my otherwise enjoyable reality.

Thanks all!

sadly, the very fact that the police went round is a victory for him - he got to you enough for you to take action. In his eyes, you still care / can be controlled / are still held by him.

AF, I agree. Contact had been recently reinstated following a suspension, I now have no choice but to suspend it again. I think a psych evaluation may be the way to go, prior to any further alone contact. Will discuss with solicitor.