Where do we go from here?

[Esque]

My marriage is at breaking point again and yesterday me and dh decided that I should move out for a couple of days whilst I get my head together (which at the moment feels like a washing machine on full spin!). After 14 years together I feel we've grown apart plus we work together and the pressure is too much. He is not keen on going to Relate which I have suggested to him but is there any point if I am not in love in with him anymore? Has anyone experienced separation (I never have so don't know what it's like), how do I decide what to do? Where do I start? Am soooo confused. Help.

I am so sorry to hear this. Me and dh are going through similar turbulances. We have blown hot and cold for years, and really I don't think we should have married, and certainly shouldn't have had our dd. However, we have and I don't regret having her. What we have done is put together a checklist of things we need to work on i.e. respect, communication etc and review it each week, and we are then reviewing at the end of this month. Re Relate, I have to say I wasn't keen and still aren't keen, but I think anything is worth a try if it has got to that stage. However, you really need to want your marriage to work before going, else there is little point. At the end of the day only you can decide. It would be really good to stay in touch. I wish you well.

Relate isn't just for if you want your marriage to work, it's also very good at helping you acheive a "good" separation (as far as possible), if that's what's right for you.