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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

This wasn't a normal reaction, was it?

78 replies

WastedYouth · 07/01/2010 09:42

On monday, DH had a laptop delivered. He was on it from 2pm until 8pm "setting it up" he completely and utterly ignored me this entire time. Wouldn't even answer me if I spoke to him.

I let it go.

Tuesday however was another day off. Now, he always tells me that he doesn't want me "going out" on his days off as that should be our time together ... but on Tuesday he arranged to go and see his dad (armed with the laptop)

I let it go.

He gets back in around lunch time. Outside, the trees and ground were covered in snow and it looked beautiful. I'm a keen photographer so obviously wanted to go out somewhere nice ... I asked DH where he wanted to spend the afternoon ...

His excuses for not going out included:

"It's too icey"
"it's too cold"
"We don't have enough time"
"We're running low on petrol"

He then engrosses himself in making a cake. Ignoring me completely everytime I try and strike up conversation.

He then announced:

"oh, just remembered, can't go out anyway, I'm having some laptop accessories delivered"

So, feeling a bit fed up, bored and lonely I text my friend to see if I could pop around for an hour ... I then went upstairs to get ready.

DH followed me and asked what I was doing. I said "Just popping out for an hour"

Then, this happened:

him: "What?? where too???"
me: "Friends house"
him: "what friend??"
me: "Mel"
him: "Why?"
me: "because I'm bored and I want some company!"
him: "oh! that's nice, you going out on my day off, thanks very much"
me: "You've been out!! and it's not as if you're talking to me or even acknowledging that I exist at the moment!"
him: "I've been busy!"
me: "Playing on a laptop?"
him: "well, I've finished with that now ... I'll talk to you now, I have nothing else to do"
me: "oh!! thanks!! lovely"
him: "I didn't mean it like that, don't twist my words"
me: "look, I'll only be an hour or so"
him: "but I thought you wanted US to go out?"
me: "I did! but you said we can't!"
him: "I'll get the parcel delivered next door ... come on, where shall we go?"
me: "no, I've already arranged something now"
him: "oh! so you're telling me you've arranged this in the past 5 minutes?? yeah right! there is something not quite right here, you never wanted to go out with me originally did you?? you had this planned all along!"
me: "It's no bloody conspiracy!! I just want to go out for an hour!"
him: "So come out with me"

Anyway ... this went on and on, he then offered to "drop me off and pick me up" from Mels ... obviously not believing that I was actually going there and he then blurted out "OH, And I won't be happy if you come back stinking of smoke either!!"

I know the answer to this already I suppose, but this isn't a normal reaction to a wife popping to a friend's for an hour is it??

OP posts:
Badinfluence · 10/01/2010 14:56

I agree with telling this to your RL family and friends. You may find some of them have noticed a lot more than you think.

YouKnowNothingoftheCrunch · 12/01/2010 12:32

I agree too, when I started telling everyone the things that DH had done, some people were a bit surprised, but not one of them disbelieved me. They were all so supportive and sorry that I had been carrying it all alone.

Do tell people the truth. It'll be a weight off your shoulders.

2rebecca · 12/01/2010 12:57

Have you tried telling him that you find his behaviour controlling andthat if the relationship is to last he will have to be less selfish?
I would have got angry with him before now and made it clear things can't continue as they are. What other people think is irrelevent.

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