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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

My DP again ...

38 replies

Amanda1 · 27/06/2005 19:32

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Frizbe · 27/06/2005 19:39

Oh {{{{BIG Hugs}}}} to you hon, do you have any support network up where you live? bar your exdh?
I hope things turn out ok with your health.

Slink · 27/06/2005 19:39

Amanda1 i am so sorry to hear about your illness and your situation with your dp.

Move on you have enough on your plate you don't have time for him, Get your freinds to rally around you see who can help with your dd and getting you to appts real friends will help and you know that there are people on here that will always listen and support you.

He rang coz he feels guilty but you only want him with you if it's for real not coz of the situation.

Sorry if i am no help at all...... xxxxxx to you and your ddxxx

emily05 · 27/06/2005 19:46

The last thing that you need is to be worrying about him. You have enough on your plate. My heart really goes out to you and I just dont know what to say. You deserve more than this, I wouldnt treat my friends like this, let alone a loved one.
Try and get some distance from him, no phone calls, and get support elsewhere - this will just make you more upset. concerntrate on you and your dd. ((hugs)) any time you want to chat please CAT me x

Original poster

Amanda1 · 27/06/2005 19:56

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ggglimpopo · 28/06/2005 07:13

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happymerryberries · 28/06/2005 07:26

Amanda the man sounds like he an infectected boil on the arse of humanity.

Your probelms are making him depressed!!!!WTF? He sounds like a silly, imature, selfish bastard.

You are worth far better than this excuse for a man, I'm glad you hung up on him.....good on you.

Keeping all my fingers crossed for your treatment and for the wonderful person that is waiting for you

Nightynight · 28/06/2005 07:41

Amanda, I agree with the others!
just concentrate on getting your health back, and if you can, be happy that you discovered how selfish he was before you gave him any more of your precious time. tell yourself "I deserve someone who will stick with me through better and worse, and give me the same commitment that I would give him."
best wishes for your treatment, your dd, and your happy future.

tigermoth · 28/06/2005 07:42

Amanda, your ex partner is not worth the time of day - worrying about him will sap your energy, and you need it for yourself. In one way, the fact that your exdp is being so openly selfish makes it easier to despise him and cut loose. There are no mixed messages here - he is not trying to be the nice guy while stabbing you in the back.

I think you are right to say you have no plans to contact him. Stick with that. Even if he has got together with this woman again, think what a selfish and shallow man she has now.

I am glad your friend is taking you to hospital and I hope other friends rally round. Do vent on mumsnet whenever it helps, you will always find someone here to listen.

Hope wednesday goes well for you.

Fio2 · 28/06/2005 07:50

Amanada, please move on you have much more important things to worry about than him. Concentrate on yourself aND MAKING YOURSELF BETTER XX

Earlybird · 28/06/2005 07:54

Amanda - you need to expend your emotional and physical energy wisely with what you're facing. You must conserve and even build your strength so you can fight your illness with the best possible frame of mind.

You absolutely don't need someone in your life who makes you feel worse. Move toward those you can depend on for support, and eliminate anyone who diminishes your energy.

I'm sorry you're going through this, but he is showing his true colours...and unfortunately it's an ugly picture. Concentrate on yourself, and be as positive as you can. Best of luck, and I hope things get better soon.

Original poster

Amanda1 · 28/06/2005 09:30

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PollyLogos · 28/06/2005 09:57

Dear Amanda, I am so sorry to hear that you have health problems again, I do hope that they get sorted out soon.

I remember your situation last year and wish that you didn't have to go through all this doubt again. It is despicable that he can't admit the truth and has to blame his wanting out on your problems. Well I guess your problems are one less now!

I hope tomorrow goes well at the hospital and keep focusing on that holiday with your friend and 2 dds.

May I be very nosey and ask where you are from? Is it not possible for someone in your family to visit for a while and help out?

Marina · 28/06/2005 10:02

I remember your situation very well Amanda and am really sorry to hear that he has reverted to arse mode and your health is still worrying you so badly.
Agree with the others really - how come so many men turn it into all about themselves when someone supposedly close to them develops a REALLY SERIOUS issue and needs good support?
You don't need this. Are you still where you were when you got the cancer diagnosis? I know you were mulling over moving to SE London.
Maybe there is a Mumsnetter in your area who might be able to help?

Original poster

Amanda1 · 28/06/2005 10:31

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Marina · 28/06/2005 10:37

Ask anyway Amanda! I did not think twice about squeezing in some hospital visits to a friend with a poorly dd recently even though I WOTH full-time. It was the least I could do and I think it helped a little. And if needed I'd have made the time to do more. I am sure the friend knew she could just ask.
Your good friends will help you if needed and may even be cross with you for not asking. Have you even told them about your endoscopy?

TracyK · 28/06/2005 10:41

Don't be afraid to ask your friends for help. How would you feel if the roles were reversed and in a couple of months time you found out one of your friends had needed your help and didn't like to ask you? you'd feel pretty crappy?? I don't like to ask any one for help either tbh but sometimes you just have to.

PollyLogos · 28/06/2005 10:43

I'm sorry they are all so far away. Are they up to date with your health situation? I am another never ask for help sort of person but You must ask sometimes and people are only to pleased to help most of the time.

Of course you are a good person, please don't even go down that road of thinking you are to blame. He is not worth it. I wish i could offer something practical but I'm not in UK.

Original poster

Amanda1 · 28/06/2005 10:43

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Listmaker · 28/06/2005 11:35

Oh Amanda I'm so sorry to hear about this. Yours was one of the first stories I remember from when I came on mumsnet last year. He really doesn't deserve you but can understand that it's just devastating for you right now and hard to comprehend. I can totally understand how alone you must feel and how hard it is to adapt to a completely different future from the one you were planning.

Good luck for the endoscopy and try and get past that first and then deal with his betrayal of your trust for the second time.

I'm sure you will come through this and eventually meet someone worthy of you and be happy. I had been on my own for a year when I got into a relationship with an old friend who I thought would treat me well after the trauma of my break up and him being a friend. But he treated me like crp and was seeing someone else all along. It was a severe blow when I was feeling vulnerable and needed to be treated kindly. It took me a long time to get over it but I have and 4 years later have met someone a million times better. The same will happen for you I'm sure. You sound like a lovely person who is dealing brilliantly with a lot of sht.

Good luck!

Original poster

Amanda1 · 28/06/2005 18:56

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emily05 · 28/06/2005 19:09

((hugs)) Amanda. What a jerk (that is not as strong as I wanted to say). NO wonder you feel like you do. Taking him back and giving him the benefit of the doubt for him to turn around and do this!
I know that it sounds cheesy, but time is a great healer. My ex was the love of my life and we were together ages. He treated me terribly. I thought that I would never get over him. Anyway I saw him the other day and I felt nothing! I know it helps because I am now married and have moved on, but honestly I thought I would never get over him. Now I think 'what was I thinking!'

This is how you will feel, and even though it sounds daft the anger you feel is good, let it all out because it will help you get over him and if he does come crawling back, it will give you the strength to tell him to get lost.

ANyway I am waffling, I got you e-mail and will reply later (might be a long e-mail so get ready !! I tend to waffle!)

I hope you are ok xxxx

emily05 · 28/06/2005 19:12

one last thing !! I hope that tomorrow goes ok, let me know how it goes wont you? You have every right to be nervous (I am terrified of the bloody dentists!) Be brave and think it will be over quick.

PollyLogos · 29/06/2005 05:12

Hello Amanda just wanted to pop in and say 'good luck' for today.

Original poster

Amanda1 · 29/06/2005 07:05

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berolina · 29/06/2005 07:55

amanda - good luck for today. thinking of you. you have been so strong.
btw: your 'd'p sounds like a real .

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