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Original poster

DH broke things by accident; now in a muddle

69 replies

whattodonextstuck · 04/12/2009 13:50

I've changed names for this because it seems petty, but I feel devestated and want a bit of perspective.

Last night DH brought home the Xmas tree, and we were decorating it etc. when he started fiddling with something on the mantelpiece and knocked down one of my crystal candlesticks. It landed on a vase; and both things were broken.

To me, both the vase and the candlestick were precious as they were wedding gifts from my two sisters.

I rushed away because I was upset, and the decorating of the tree was curtailed. I shouted a bit (downstairs), then took DS to bed.

This morning when I woke up, I just found it too difficult to forgive dh. He was contrite last night, but I was just gutted at what had happened.

Today I rang him from work to say I'm over it and that I forgive him, it was an accident etc. Before I could he delivered a tirade that I have behaved abysmally and I was out of control (I had actually left the room to calm down). He was very angry.

Then ensued several conversations with him very angry and me becoming increasingly upset and tearful, trying to fight my corner. I think he just doesn't care. He says he does, but I pleaded that I was at work and had to regain composure, and he continued to rant and insult me. It seems like I have lost the vase and candlestick that I treasured and that I've been emotionally battered for it.

Do I need to pull myself together or what?

OP posts:
E45 · 04/12/2009 13:53

Get a grip.

GypsyMoth · 04/12/2009 13:55

yes,it think you do really....they are just things,surely they can be replaced? i know they have sentimental value,but not to the extent where you'd lose a whole day being so upset? if valuble then claim on insurance i guess

MadameDefarge · 04/12/2009 13:55

Are you for real? what a princess.

comewhinewithme · 04/12/2009 13:55

Here have a free grip sounds like you need one.

Intergalactic · 04/12/2009 13:58

Yeah you do. It was an accident and you behaved totally unreasonably - blanking him this morning was way OTT. sounds like he has been nasty too now but not without provocation. I think you need to both apoloise this evening and forget about it - they are just things and it was an accident.

I have to add, if they were so valuable to you, I'm surprised that you keep them out at all seeing as you have a DS young enough to need putting to bed - surely there was a risk they were going to get broken anyway?

RnB · 04/12/2009 13:58

It was an accident! Your poor husband must be

LoveBeingAMummyKissingSanta · 04/12/2009 13:58

I hate it when you want to say sorry and they carry it on till you end up back where you were and arguing instead of putting it behind you.

Get a bottle of wine on the way home and show him you are sorry for the way it turned out.

GypsyMoth · 04/12/2009 13:59

is it the items which you're upset about...or the fact that dh doesn't seem to value them in the same way as you?

FiveGoMadonTheDanceFloor · 04/12/2009 14:02

Get a grip. The shelves which DH put up a couple of years ago (they were very good) decided to fall down at 1.30 this morning, most things broke on it encluding a lot of bowls and vases that I loved and were wedding presents. These things happen.

Buy your husband a huge bottle of whatever he likes and apologise.

EldonAve · 04/12/2009 14:03

if they were wedding gifts why were they "yours" and not jointly owned?

VictorHugo · 04/12/2009 14:03

Oh gosh, poor OP and poor OP's DH!

Tbh it sounds as though you must have been upset about something deeper than two ornaments - and not just because they were from your sisters.

Do you feel that your DH doesn't value your possessions generally, or doesn't like your sisters giving you gifts, or something else?

Your reaction would have been irrational if it were just that he broke the things iyswim. Bt you felt this way for a reason - and either it was something like severe PMT or you have deeper issues with your DH.

VictorHugo · 04/12/2009 14:04

I mean that post sympathetically - I don't think you deserve to be flamed for wondering why you reacted in this way - OP has already admitted she thinks it is petty, but she needs to figure it out for both their sakes imo

Lulumama · 04/12/2009 14:04

i can see why you were upset as he broke gifts from your sisers, and i can understsand you rushed off. BUT it was an accident and you behaved appallingly

you rang him to give him forgiveness, well, whoop de doo.

i am not surprised he was angry after such an overreaction

either there is a back story, or you need to Get.A.Grip

if you had behaved reasonably yesterday, today's row would not have happened

ZephirineDrouhin · 04/12/2009 14:07

Same question as Tiffany. It does sound as though the accident became the focus for something rather deeper. How are things with your dh generally?

SleepingLion · 04/12/2009 14:08

I can sympathise, actually, because I was very upset when DH broke one of my ornaments - which was treasured because it was a gift from him.

However, I could see how upset he was to have done it, so I tried my hardest to get over it pretty quickly and not make him feel worse than he already did. I think you do have to get over these things and not make a big fuss because your ornaments aren't really more important than your relationship.

belgo · 04/12/2009 14:08

You need to forget the vase and the candlestick. They are just things. Your relationship with your dh is far more important, and it sounds like he was very hurt by your reaction last night. He does not need to be 'forgiven' for an genuine accident., and that is why he is so angry today.

Say you are sorry, admit that you over reacted, and then try and get over it.

ZephirineDrouhin · 04/12/2009 14:09

Agree with VictorHugo

E45 · 04/12/2009 14:10

LuluM

I actually came back to see if there was a back story, because that sort of reaction is not normal.

nickschick · 04/12/2009 14:10

It happens ...my dh knocked over ^accidentally* a whole dresser full of my collected china it was past midnight and even had my elderly neighbour rush round to see what had happened - she likened it to a hgv lorry thru the front window ....dh sat there head in arms saying 'sorry'-.

Megglevache · 04/12/2009 14:12

Gosh, you vipers...pipe down!

I can see the Op's POV, I wonder if she has a DH that always does this kind of stuff because I do.

I rarely ask him to do anything these days because he charges around the house smashing stuff and really doesn't give a stuff- if however one of the children or I were to knock some of his gadgets off the sideboard....heaven only knows that he gets his pants in a bunch.

Op you were a bit drama queenie, does he do this kind of stuff often? I think your dh was well off for insulting you on the phone, at work? He sounds like a pillock. Sorry.

You do the tree next time- like me

belgo · 04/12/2009 14:16

Oh yes there could very well be a back ground story which explains the over reaction.

SqueezinAroundTheXmasTree · 04/12/2009 14:16

Wow, if this is all you have to worry about in life, be thankful and count yourself lucky.

MmeLindt · 04/12/2009 14:16

You are both being unreasonable.

You overreacted last night.

He should not rant at you today.

You both need to grow up and act like adults about an accident.

FabIsVeryHappy · 04/12/2009 14:19

Are a vase and a candlestick really worth all this stress?

Original poster
whattodonextstuck · 04/12/2009 14:22

Thanks for your responses.

Agree that the relationship is more important than things - still candlestick was one of a pair and symbolism of losing one says something about my faith in our marriage - don't entirely trust him - which is no way to carry on, I know.

FivegoMad - sorry about all your things getting broken too - you are obviously more reasonable person than me.

Thank you SleepingLion - I should exercise more self-control for his sake even when upset

OP posts:
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