DH broke things by accident; now in a muddle

[whattodonextstuck]

I've changed names for this because it seems petty, but I feel devestated and want a bit of perspective.

Last night DH brought home the Xmas tree, and we were decorating it etc. when he started fiddling with something on the mantelpiece and knocked down one of my crystal candlesticks. It landed on a vase; and both things were broken.

To me, both the vase and the candlestick were precious as they were wedding gifts from my two sisters.

I rushed away because I was upset, and the decorating of the tree was curtailed. I shouted a bit (downstairs), then took DS to bed.

This morning when I woke up, I just found it too difficult to forgive dh. He was contrite last night, but I was just gutted at what had happened.

Today I rang him from work to say I'm over it and that I forgive him, it was an accident etc. Before I could he delivered a tirade that I have behaved abysmally and I was out of control (I had actually left the room to calm down). He was very angry.

Then ensued several conversations with him very angry and me becoming increasingly upset and tearful, trying to fight my corner. I think he just doesn't care. He says he does, but I pleaded that I was at work and had to regain composure, and he continued to rant and insult me. It seems like I have lost the vase and candlestick that I treasured and that I've been emotionally battered for it.

Do I need to pull myself together or what?

...and obviously... I have not read the full thread so ... I apologise in advance.

mongolia, what a tough time you have had . I hope it works out OK with your DS and his father.

I think the OP's reaction on this thread says a lot about her over-reaction to the original accident.

Mongolia

remaining angry about what was an accident, is not going to do anything but nurture more bad feeling, and will not bring the broken things back

sadly these things do happen, my kids broke one of the v few things i had from when my mum died, and yes it was upsetting , but it was an accident, and it was just a thing at the end of the day

i still have memories

and tbh i think i would be as angry as your h if you called up to say i had been forgiven, rather than you were sorry for your reaction

make peace with each other, and be glad it was an inanimate object and not a person you love dearly

You have humbled me Mongolia and rightly so.

That had struck me lou33 - what if it was a person not a thing. I should have just apologised to dh - you're right.

Oh believe me I cried, but they were things, no one was hurt and it was an accident. And yes I get very attached to objects, but at the end of the day they are not flesh and blood.

Hang on OP, first you said he was contrite, now you're saying he didn't care - which is it to be?

Sympathies all round, really.

I hope you do manage to get to the bottom of why you feel you don't entirely trust him. And you may well have felt emotinally battered by this therad, as well as your DH, but if you re-read your OP and consider it fom his pov too, he may well have felt emotionally battered by your anger over an accident - for which you say he was contrite.

Learn to accept and apology, and think about apologising when you have gone OTT - it isn't all about you.

Good luck, hope yo are both able to relax about it this evening.

He did not care about the loss of the things - did not value them as i did. He was also contrite to have broken them

thanks Blu

I hope this thread has helped you get things into perspective, especially in light of mongolias situation and Trinity having to face Christmas without her husband I think you should consider yourself well off.

Well if he wasn't fussed about the actual things, but was contrite because you valued them, that's wholly appropriate isn't it? Unless you're annoyed because he didn't value knickknacks like you did, in which case you probably want to me married to a man who doesn't exist. Or if he does, isn't heterosexual.

On the actual question, I'm not surprised he was furious when you called him to "forgive" him.

Only read OP.

My DH broke a beautiful vanity mirror I was given by my best friend on my 30th birthday while packing up stuff during a house move. I have never owned anything antique or quite as beautiful. It was totally irreplaceable .
I behaved in exactly the same way. I was devastated and couldn't bear to speak to my DH for the rest of the day. I don't remember ever feeling quite so heartbroken over a material possession.

However, I think you need to get over it now. And certainly, if you've been rude to your DH, apologise. Accidents happen.

Look, when someone is upset, there is actually nothing less helpful than someone jumping in and bleating 'But other people have leprosy you know!' It's not a crime to get upset about unimportant things occasionally.
The OP may be a precious little drama queen, or her H may be generally insensitive to her feelings and wishes, we don't know.
OP, if your H is generally a good bloke (rather than one who routinely ignores what is important to you) then give him a big blowjob hug tonight and say that you want to make up, and put it all behind you.

To be honest they sound hideous, Christmas sales are on, an excellent time to re-decorate your room.

Pull yourself together.

How old are you?? because I wouldnt be impressed if my 8 year old behaved like that

solidgold is completely right.