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Original poster

DH broke things by accident; now in a muddle

69 replies

whattodonextstuck · 04/12/2009 13:50

I've changed names for this because it seems petty, but I feel devestated and want a bit of perspective.

Last night DH brought home the Xmas tree, and we were decorating it etc. when he started fiddling with something on the mantelpiece and knocked down one of my crystal candlesticks. It landed on a vase; and both things were broken.

To me, both the vase and the candlestick were precious as they were wedding gifts from my two sisters.

I rushed away because I was upset, and the decorating of the tree was curtailed. I shouted a bit (downstairs), then took DS to bed.

This morning when I woke up, I just found it too difficult to forgive dh. He was contrite last night, but I was just gutted at what had happened.

Today I rang him from work to say I'm over it and that I forgive him, it was an accident etc. Before I could he delivered a tirade that I have behaved abysmally and I was out of control (I had actually left the room to calm down). He was very angry.

Then ensued several conversations with him very angry and me becoming increasingly upset and tearful, trying to fight my corner. I think he just doesn't care. He says he does, but I pleaded that I was at work and had to regain composure, and he continued to rant and insult me. It seems like I have lost the vase and candlestick that I treasured and that I've been emotionally battered for it.

Do I need to pull myself together or what?

OP posts:
Original poster
whattodonextstuck · 04/12/2009 14:27

SqueezinAround - do you always talk in cliches or just on Mumsnet?

Yes, I am a drama queen and he is a clumsy gallumphing oaf - off to apologise x

OP posts:
AvadaKedavra · 04/12/2009 14:27

Oh fgs.

You owe DH a massive apology tonight. Complete overreaction on your part.

E45 · 04/12/2009 14:34

don't entirely trust him

And therein lies the problem.

ChickandDuck · 04/12/2009 14:37

Your reaction couldn't be helped. You were upset, understandably, accident or not. You called to apologise, he shouldn't have gone off at you, I think he could have been a bit more understanding. Maybe if you had called to give him another ear bashing then he would have been within his rights, but you weren't, you were calling to apologise.

OrmIrian · 04/12/2009 14:38

I think I might have reacted like your DH TBH.

hippipotamiHasLost77lbs · 04/12/2009 14:43

"still candlestick was one of a pair and symbolism of losing one says something about my faith in our marriage - don't entirely trust him - which is no way to carry on, I know."

Mmm, it was an accident. I would not go searching for meanings in things like candlesticks.

I can see you were upset, but as for no longer trusting your husband because the candlestics are no longer a pair, well that is a bit odd.

Buy him a bottle of something lovely, cook his favourite dinner and make up. HOnestly, life is to short to break down a marriage over some candlesticks and a vase.

bruxeur · 04/12/2009 14:44

ChickandDuck - your reading skills are failing you. She called to forgive him - which is laughable enough - not to apologise.

And even if she had, her actions were both childish and selfish. As someone said earlier, how come they were a wedding present to her, not them as a couple? How does she not know he was just as upset?

One of pair symbolism - as the wise man once said - prenez un grip, maintenant.

BitOfFun · 04/12/2009 14:46

What reason do you have for not trusting him? I think you are right that you got emotionally "flooded" at the symbolism of the accident. Could you say a bit more about that?

Tortington · 04/12/2009 14:51

dude! things broke by accident

yabt fucking u

lighthouse · 04/12/2009 14:54

Its awful when you are angry and unable to forgive them for something, I have done this on many occasions and feel awful for doing that to him as he doesn't deserve it. Inanimate objects can be replaced. Thing is now to try and make it up to him, as best as possible. Nice food drink and some "other stuff" if it is wanted.

tiredoftherain · 04/12/2009 14:55

talking of symbolic events, my original engagement ring had to be replaced as the diamond suddenly developed a big chip in it. And I should have taken that as the big fat symbol that it was - he turned out to be an arse.

But I don't think I'd have felt the same about a candlestick though.

MarioChristmas · 04/12/2009 15:42

Is this a wind-up?

If not then I think you need professional help!

ChickensHaveNoTinsel · 04/12/2009 15:48

I think that you behaved badly, and should apologise. Poor bloke probably feels terrible after the performance you put on.

lighthouse · 04/12/2009 15:48

Mario

Take it you have never been pissed at your OH for something trivial. Tends to be a woman trait I think we have all been unreasonable at some point. OP seems quite distressed and with good reason, she understands she overreacted. I know I have done this at some point.

MarioChristmas · 04/12/2009 16:00

Pissed off yes, but I would never act like that, especially infront of my DC's.

Original poster
whattodonextstuck · 04/12/2009 16:19

It wasn't in front of my child actually Mario - and don't you have better things to do than post on this derisory thread. And Bruxeur - get a French lesson.

My DH doesn't care about the things that got broken - he said so. The candlestick is from my sister in US - I rarely see her but we are very close. I lost something I valued and if anybody says they don't care about such things, I'll come round your house and trash your wedding dress/ persian carpet/Vespa scooter/ brand new converse/ baby pictures; and watch whilst you smile serenely and say 'never mind'. Like hell you would (apols to any of you who are actually seriously unattached to worldly things). How long is reasonable to be miffed about breakage of sentimental items?

I shouldn't be hunting for symbolism - it just seemed to occur to me. I do love my DH and will make it up to him tonight.

OP posts:
VictorHugo · 04/12/2009 16:30

OP you sound really antagonistic. No real acknowledgement of those who have tried to help...or defend you...just quick retorts to those who had a pop.

I'm wishing i hadn't bothered.

MarioChristmas · 04/12/2009 16:31

OFFS!

If you came to my house and destroyed something it would not be an accident, which is what happened in your case.

The reason I said you need to seek some help is that it seems that you care more about a candlestick and a vase than your Husband.

And dont ask if you need to get a grip, and then when you are told that you do, get all defensive.

Shit happens, deal with it like an adult and not like a two year old!!!!!

belgo · 04/12/2009 16:32

TBH it does sound like you might have issues with anger OP

Chica31 · 04/12/2009 16:33

Please make up tonight.

When I was young, Mum yelling at Dad while putting the christmas tree up was a yearly occurrence. Dad broke something, Mum yelled and yelled...bad atmosphere for days.

Please think of your DC. It's christmas!

lisasimpson · 04/12/2009 16:39

who knows what exactly she shouted at her "clumsy gallumphing oaf" of a DH

Original poster
whattodonextstuck · 04/12/2009 16:53

Sorry VictorHugo - I do appreciate your earlier comments, and those from MmeLindt, Megglevache, belgo, Zephirine, nickschick.

Don't know why I would focus on those particularly unhelpful comments.

OP posts:
SqueezinAroundTheXmasTree · 04/12/2009 16:59

whattodonext - well, to answer your question, yes, I quite like the occasional cliche, on MN and in RL.

However, what I see is that a bit of perspective needs to be applied to the situation. Yes, I can see why you'd be upset at the loss of something with sentimental value attached to it. That is fair enough. Nobody died though, nobody got hurt. It's not the end of the world and it's not worth falling out over. Your (or anyones) relationship is worth more than that.

I can suggest reading a book called "Emotional Intelligence". It's all about applying the right amount of upset, happiness, or any given feeling to situations that crop up in life, good or bad. In all sincerity, it is a really good book.

Mongolia · 04/12/2009 17:08

PErhaps this will give you some perspective, I lost my husband, my job and may even possible loose DS to his father who has been lieing all the way around to get the things his way. I may not have a house next year, I don't have money to keep it warm just now. I can't buy Christmas presents. My family is in another continent unable to provide support, in an area that has become a battleground over the last few years. I have lost more than 25 people to that stupid war.

A vase and a candlestick!!! grow up stupid woman! you have no problems!

Mongolia · 04/12/2009 17:08

Sorry for being emotional ... but you know... really... some other people have problesm... real ones...