where has my sex drive gone?

[ellliebelle]

DH and I have not made love for over 12 weeks now, i know exactly when we last did as it was the day dd2 was born.

I want to know why i no longer want sex its not dh its definately something im feeling (not feeling) i have no desire or want to have any sexual contact with anyone (or myself )

i just dont know what to do, im guessing a lot of it is down to having new baby and older dd but after dd1 was born i dont remember feeling like this its just like an empty nothingness

I'm similar and feel about it. I put it down to a few things: BF, having 3 DD's, having a baby (dd3 is 7 mos), stress, i'm also prone to depression.

we've had sex 3 times in the last year though i give him a bit of 'help' sometimes .

i feel empty nothingness as well and hoping it will go away with time but I think we may need to address it.

only advice i can give is: do talk to your DH, talk to your HV or GP - perhaps there is an underlying cause (PND?), give yourself a break - 12 weeks isn't too bad, you have a new baby and need to get rest.

hope things get better.

I don't think not having a sex drive only 12 weeks after giving birth is that unusual! You must be exhausted and drained and not feeling especially sexy, if I remember correctly. You will feel different after the second one, as you have not only a baby but an older demanding child to deal with too. Don't bet yourself up, just give it time.

However, your description of an empty nothingness is a little worrying. Is this just in regard to sex or in general?You might want to talk to your health visitor and get her to go through a PND diagnosis questionnaire with you.

thanks for your replies ladies will definitely speak with hv about pnd, although the empty nothingness is towards sex only really. I am happy with my dd's and life in general there are other issues between dh and myself since dd2 was born but i think that is down to tiredness etc.

momino i also feel very sad about it, i want to be affectionate and intimate with my dh but i cant im confused

I found the hormones post-baby really put the brakes on my sex drive. Also the unrelenting sleep-deprivation didn't help. All I can say is that when it comes back (at some point between 6 months and year for me, each time) it is fantastic to feel like you again, and actually once we got past all the strain that having kids puts on your relationship, we've been closer and hence sex is better.

Plus DH is now 'trained' to go weeks or months without, if I'm tired or busy or just don't feel like it we can have a break without me feeling pressured, guilty or bad about it. We still have other ways of showing affection and tenderness to each other (and do).

I don't want to sound smug at all - after DD was born I really understood why people break up after they have a baby, it's tough. And I had no desire to have sex for a long time, it just wasn't something that had relevance for me at the time.

As you feel differently than you did after your first, do check out PND as well. Also tiredness doesn't help with relationships, and having two is very tiring!

DS is 3 months old, and I think DH and I have managed to have sex once since he was born. The fact that I can't even remember is quite telling for me!

I'm happy in everything else, DS is sleeping through the night (I swear I'm not lying, nor am I being smug about it), but it's like I've just forgotten about sex completely. Very weird considering me and XH's divorce (just a few years ago) was due in part to his lack of sexual interest!

I am still exclusively breastfeeding, so have put it down to something hormonal and figure it will come back eventually. I plan to breastfeed until DS is about a year, so think I ought to make some sort of effort to regain my interest before then.