Need advice please

[meaningofnight]

Why would an ex partner start sending you loads of text messages having been silent for several years? The texts start off 'normal' (how are you? do you remember...?) and then become either graphically sexual or (weirdly) as if we having a loving relationship.
This all started after I bumped into him in the street one day. We split up 10 years ago.

He thinks he might get a jump.

Sorry to be blunt, but if he wanted to see you again properly (even if that was what you wanted)this is not the way to do it.

Unless that's what you want too, I'd delete him.

Yes 'Andgodcreated' I think so too! But what odd behaviour. At one point (having ignored all the texts up to then) I actually phoned him up and said 'please stop doing this. I am finding it completely insulting'. He claimed to be doing it because it is what I want. This is based on nothing at all. I bumped into him, had a five minute conversation. A month later he came to my workplace and tried to find me and I avoided him. Shortly after the texts started.
When we first met many years ago he was a gorgeous funny man seemingly poised for glamorous career (also, faithless pig which is why we split up). We had a long relationship until his affairs got too much to stand. He used to call me the boring suburban housewife when I got jealous of his 'other life'.
I now have a happy life with someone else. I have lovely children and a good job. I don't want any kind of relationship with him except I would happily be friendly in a remote way (he lives miles away and comes up here only a few times a year). We were very close for about 20 years so it is hard for me to completely reject him (I must be brainwashed!).

He sounds unhinged. You have asked him to stop, he says you want him to send you these messages. Keep the messages, and if he doesn't stop, file harassment charges.

What does your DP make of these messages?

I haven't told DP Poohba. He would be really furious. I just thought if I ignore him they will stop. He goes quiet for a few weeks and then I'll suddenly get one saying something like 'Many happy returns darling' (on my birthday obviously) and then 'Can you send me a book I can't get it here' (I work in a book shop) and then they get progressively more suggestive and end with either an invitation to spend an afternoon in bondage in a hotel, a request for used underwear or shoes or some weird sex talk (I showed my friend and she said he must have got the sex phrases off the Web). He lives in a very remote place. Maybe he's lonely. But can a man be so arrogant to assume a woman he hasn't seen for years who obviously has a whole other life going on would just be waiting to carry on with him?

I don't think a simple platonic relationship would work with him. As you say, he was completely faithless before and he obviously hasn't changed.

I'd just delete his number and bin any messages you get til he gives up. Anything else will be seen as encouragement by him I feel.

Flattering though!

On reflection I feel more insulted than flattered. He obviously thinks I am some desperate slapper keen to spend money in seedy hotels of an afternoon! (He wasn't offering to pay - old style Bohemian so never any money of course)!!

Nah, he just saw you and thought it worth a try.

He does sound like a twat but I'd just think, yeah, still got it! and move on.

[Grin]