dh is a groper and i HATE it .

[drlove8]

He gropes me at every chance he gets ....it doesnt matter if im cleaning the loo or trying to make the tea... it as if my body is just for his amusement...
He doesnt care if the kids are in the room... ive asked him to stop doing it ...he sulks, then leaves me alone for a bit, then sulks a bit more, then starts again...
Im so sick of it,i feel dirty!!.He has actually put me off having sex with him at all... most nights i sleep on the sofa now.
Im just so fed up with the lack of respect i get from him that im concidering leaving.
apart from that he is a reasonably good person, a dad who enjoys having a family. and a hardworker.How can i get him to see im not just a piece of meat? i was going to name change but have decided against it , incase Dh finds this.

I suggest stabbing him with a Spork!

Seriously though.. i sympathise.. i have a whole thread in Classics as CyradisTheSeer dedicated to my irritation at my own DH's uninvited groping habits.

I still havent managed to resolve it.. i had 2hrs sleep tuesday night, i was EXHAUSTED yesterday and just wanted to sleep one the baby went to bed.. and he chose last night to start on his 'i want sex' groping routine.

I usually end up exploding with a "What part of DONT DO THAT are you not understanding"

I'm very close to a "GTF off me!" violent retort lately.

I am shocked by the amount of posters on this thread that put up with their husbands just grabbing them whenever they feel like it! When my husband walks past me, and wants to 'physically connect', he puts his hand on my waist, or kisses my cheek. He doesn't stick his hand down my top/trousers, and quite frankly if he did I would blow up so spectacularly that he would be deaf from the profanity. I would definitely advise the knee in the bollocks approach.

I've found CyradistheSeer's thread on classics - link is here

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/mumsnet_classics/812225-Bit-aof-a-vent-about-univited-groping

Haven't got through all of it yet but it has some good advice, like showing the dh what to do instead of groping.

Wasabi-san, did you ever manage to sort out your problem?

Should have read the message again before posting, how do I edit it now?

I don't understand what he gets out of it if you make it clear that you hate it?

I love a bit of gropage myself but my husband wouldn't do it if I said I didn't like it.

I think a bit of plain speaking is in order, i.e. " If you grope me, you won't get sex for a week etc." ( and mean it!) then if he manages a couple of days without groping you, give him a treat. Like training a dog really, positive reinforcement.

If that doesn't work then flick the end of his nose really hard every time.

It's about respect.

Chickens - I'd be more put out if my husband did pass me without a grope.

In fact I deliberately walk upstairs in front of him for extra gropage priviliges.

theres groping and theres groping!
Affectionate caring RESPECTFUL groping is welcome
However, hand down pants and then worse, and expecting you to stop whatever you're doing and enjoy the attention/participate/come/etc etc etc is fucking horrible!
The sulking and verbal abuse afterwards for not "enjoying" it was worse!

Ah, Malificence, I'm not totally opposed to a little grope myself BUT, it has to be appropriate. Grabbing boobs or rummaging in undies is entirely inappropriate in front of children (well, anyone else, really) Also, I'd assume that most people can read their partner, and know whether a slap on the arse will be welcomed, or result in a snarl. The OP's partner doesn't seem to care about her feelings at all, and I again reiterate the knee in the 'nads as a way of refocusing him.

My DH sometimes, after a crappy nit picky day aswell, puts his hands between my legs when I'm going up the stairs, or cuddles me from behind and gropes my breasts. I get really cross and then he twists it saying it's my fault and he just wants to be close to me. I then point out that close is not about my genitals, arse or breasts but he still thinks he's hard done by.

'If I were you I'd develop your own little love-tic where every time you walk past your DH you elbow him sharply in the throat.' LeQueen.

Bloody hilarious.

My DH used to do this all the time and it made me so mad (angry)

When I read the OP it made me think for a minute - Did I write this?

I repeatedly asked, then demanded that he stop this, I then stopped having sex with him because I just couldn't bring myself to do it but he didn't stop.

One time when he did this I reacted without thinking and gave him a slap (blush) this made me feel so bad even though I secretly think he deserved it because the constant gropes (especially when I was at the sink) made me feel like I was being abused by him.

He never did it again after that.

I'm NOT in any way suggesting you slap your DH but maybe some other short, sharp, shock will work?

Good luck and I hope you work it out x

There's groping. And there's unwanted groping. Unwanted groping is wrong.

It would be called harassment in any other guise.

I'm sure I have read this thread before

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/mumsnet_classics/812225-Bit-aof-a-vent-about-univited-groping

I spy a sock puppet and claim my reward

Have you not read the whole thread dejavu? They have different OPs and the amount of people on here saying "Yes my ex was like this" is surely testament to how common this is?

Just wanted to add my support - my (D)P is like this as well. Am moving out in 2 weeks! Though this is just one of many issues. I do understand what you mean though and just how much it makes your skin crawl.

dejastupid - I already pointed the OP.. who is not me, to my thread i started ages ago thats in classics.

I spy an idiot who cant read a thread and claim my reward!

Fantastic!!! I'm not the only one. Seriously you have described my situation down to a tee and I honestly thought it was me that had the problem - not wanting constant groping, but clearly I'm as normal as I can be.

Somebody else said that it's worse after having had sex - this is true too, like it makes him hornier or something. I hate it, really really hate it.

By the way, I'm new - hello!!
(Lucie, 34 with 2 children - George 5 and Emily 19 months)

Dr, any update, have you said anything?

Deja - What's a sock puppet?

hello everyone , firstly thanks for posting your views on this. its good to know that im not the only one whos dh is a pervy twat at times....that tells me that im not just being a bitch about this. I resisted texting him and just waited for him to come in . he appeared about 10.30 - he'd been at pub (surprise! ). I asked him if hed groped any women up there....he said dont be stupid.... then i asked him why not? ... he replied ,i dont do things like that ..... but why ever not ?i replied, why should you have more respect for strange women than you do for your own wife? . then i pointed out that if our sons followed his example and groped girls whilst at school/ or out with friends then they'd get in a lot of trouble with the police. if a man in a bar/street did it to me id charge him with assault. then i asked how hed feel if our oldest daughters (17) boyfriend did it to her ...he looked a bit angry at that point. then i told him he was making my skin crawl, that the kids shouldnt have to put up with his displays and if he ever did it again i would leave.i told him he disgusts me. he got really upset and said he was only looking for some affection .Then he pointed out that we hardly ever have sex anymore and that its not that good anymore. I told him i dont want him near me , sex isnt special anymore, because of all the groping he might as well be stuffing the sheets for all i care (and feel tbh). and that if he wanted affection he should have just said instead of being a perv. Yesterday he came in from work and gave me a peck on the cheek...and left me alone - no wondering hands.After all the kids were in bed , we just sat on sofa watching telly . he moved closer and ended up holding my hand like a teenager would do ...it was really nice and i suddenly got reminded of how sweet he can be , and why i fell for him. I havent braved the "bedroom test" yet , i want too see how he behaves(or not) over the next few days and if he shows hes trying then who knows? What im afraid off is if he gets his leg over will he turn perv-handed again? I did read through all of cyrustheseers thread and OMG ! WHAT A HIJACK! sheep and polys???? , did actually laugh at the shoot him with a bolt gun suggestion ! - no- wonder its in classics!

Thanks for the update. Sounds promising. I really hope he has realised the error of his ways. (Keep a bolt gun under your jumper though).

I've just looked briefly into that other thread and am pmsl, I'll read it more fully later.

Good luck and good for you.

ah good, drlove8

now remember....zero tolerance

Ooh DrLove, that was brilliant. I wish I'd thought of that before my DH became my XDH.

I have carefully explained up front to my new DP that disrespectful groping = nagging for sex, and we all know there is an inverse relationship between weight of nagging and liklihood of task completion. And he knows that if he leaves me alone I will come to him begging for it, and that's much more fun.

Whoops, maybe should have namechanged.

like your thinking missingtheaction. leave alone=gagging for it ..... .simple so dh should grasp that !