Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Is it possible for a marriage to survive without intimacy?

77 replies

Popzie · 17/11/2009 22:22

Background: Been married six years, we get along fine, have a laugh sometimes, still have sex from time to time (quite nice as well) and have two young DC's.

The only trouble is that there is no intimacy between us. Not because we once had it and complacency has set in or anything - we never actually had it in the first place. DH is totally incapable of being intimate - the best he can do is call me by a silly nicname and give me a quick cuddle. No explaining or advising helps at all - he is simply incapable of being at all tender or connecting on a deeper level.

I am an analytical, perceptive and intuitive person and I'm beginning to get worn down by this after all these years of missing out of a good 'heart to heart' with a partner (XP's were all capable of it!). Being this perceptive, intuitive person I did realise this was the case at the start, but also being a very positive person, I thought - wait for it - I could CHANGE him! (I forgot to say I'm obviously a foolish person too!)

Is this it? Do I have to focus on other aspects of our relationship to make up for this lack of intimacy or will it eventually kill it? I feel vulnerable to the fact I might fall for someone else who will fill this void and it worries me.

OP posts:
LeQueen · 20/11/2009 16:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Biobytes · 20/11/2009 18:35

LeQueen... I could have written that post years ago, now I scorn at that phrase "He would desrve for me to tell him openly that I wasn't happy in the marriage, and that I was leaving the marriage because of this."

you know... you say that above, and most of them tell you you are wrong, they will take your children from you, that you are depressed and unable to think straight, that is all your fault, and make you feel you will be in deep trouble if you do, etc. etc.

I have played by the rules all the time, it only took me to more abuse, loneliness and sadness. One thing is that you want to play by the rules and another, that the other will follow. :-(

By the way, my lovely ex, who was my best friend, the person I could trust, the one who would be always there for his kid, the one I couldn't betray even when he took always advantage of me. Now, he Is the same person who is keeping me in poverty (he lied about our finances BIG TIME), who poisons my kid against me and the one that has take me to the point of ringing the police as I couldn't face more abuse.

Fairy tales and all that...

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread