What is fair?

[myweestars]

Advice needed here! My DP and I are in the process of splitting up, soem of you may remember my previous thread a few weeks ago about my violent partner. Anyway I have done it, he is moving out and I have a lawyer etc involved!

Anyway, he is moving out tomorrow to his mums, until he gets rented accommodation. We have 2 DS's, aged 3 and 19 months. What is a fair amount of time for him to see them? He is a great dad, just a crap partner so I am all for him seeing them and taking them overnight and from a selfish point of view, it would give me a little time to myself? Is that being selfish on my part?

I was thinking once overnight during the week and every 2nd Fri or Sat overnight? Does this sound fair?

Just interested to hear your thoughts or if anyone else has had the same sort of experience, what worked for you?

I have no experience of this situation myself but if you and your DP are happy with this arrangement (and also your DC's of course) then I don't really think you need to worry about anything being 'fair' as long as all parties involved are in agreement.

I remember reading one thread (can't remember if it was on MN) that advised to keep visits together so it wasn't too bitty. Think the children were older though but it was getting confusing for the kids having one parent take them to school, another pick them up, then stopping one night here and the next week, a different night etc. I know your situation is different but the poster said it was upsetting her kids.
Your arrangement doesn't seem too bad though. Do you not want to do straight alternate weekends then?

The problem is my ex P works shifts so it won't be the same night every week and weekend. The kids are used to routine to an extent re times for bed etc, however, have never had a set routine as to who bahs them etc as some nights he is there, sometimes not, depending on shifts.

As they are so young, I'm hoping this won't effect them? Any other opinions/advice?

Another thing is I think he will play on the fact that he is staying with his parents so it makes it more difficult for him to have them, however as far as I am concerned this is cr*p as the kids they know the house and their grandparents.

If I'm honest I think he will make it as difficult as he can as he won't want me to have any sort of life if you know what I mean.