nearly there

[shamsham]

I have name changed to avoid being outed . I have previously posted re my EA partner and am currently sorting out leaving. I will be staying with my sister who lives in a 2 bed ground floor flat with her ds, until I am sorted. I have 4 dcs so there will be 7 of us in 2 beds albeit 2 huge bedrooms, the whole flat is huge, my three bed semi is actually smaller in floor space.

Dps sister says she will report me to social services for purposefully over crowding the kids? I think that this is bullshit but am freaking out a bit now

Please don't worry Sham - I can assure you that Social Services will not be remotely interested in children living in a situation where they are a little overcrowded. Utter nonsense so tell your P's sister to go ahead if that's what will make her happy. Mind just a word of warning, if she is so spiteful, is it possible that she might make up things about you. I wouldn't worry too much though because as long as your children are being well cared for, you will have nothing to worry about.

Don't know your story but wishing you luck anyway.

Yeah thanks thought it was crap ok, yeah she is spiteful; Sent a funeral director to her own sisters house when they fell out over little or nothing.

Had been wavering over the weekend ; wondering if I could try and save the relationship, but guess what He went into wiork to help with the accounts at 3 this pm ( his day off today). I was supposed to go to my netball practice at 7 but hes pissed in the pub with his mates so hasnt bothered his ass to come home

Don't waver - you are doing the right thing. How does your SIL know about this to threaten you? Tell no one of your plans unless you know they will be 100% supportive of you. I am in the same boat (think I know who you are) and you are doing the right thing, the kids will be fine it's only a temporary situation after all.

sham - you are doing the right thing lady! All the best to you. A little bit of inconvenience paves the way to an independent and free future

You and your children will look back on this and think "thank god someone was there to help us, look at us now!"

Honestly. It's hard but go for it, this is your moment. This is the start of the rest of your life.

Chin up and best of wishes

HI aboard!

SIL said this ages ago when I actually only had 3 dc. When i kicked him out before and was planning to move area. She said it in away like somebody she could report me.

So yeah hes pissed in the pub I'm sitting her with no milk, nothing for kids lunches tomorrow, he knows this and has just told me hes leaving the car in the pub so wont even be able to go any where to pop out for stuff when he gets back ( have teenage nephew here ). Apparently one of his pals is gonna pick him up to collect car in the A.M for school run but dont you know I'll be walking 2 miles in the morning with 6 under 8s( bring my nephews to school as well)

That is terrible what a twat! Just tell yourself you won't need to be in that kind of situation soon - it is horrible knowing they can control your mood, restrict you, drain energy from you by behaving like this. Are you angry about it?? Get angry and use that angry energy to propell your plans to leave. Use it. Let something good come of it. That's what I'm trying to do. It is hard when you feel low and tired, but keep taking little steps, keep planning, keep talking to your sis and you will get there. Take care. x

Glad you haven't shared your current plans with evil SIL (whole family sounds very toxic and TBH I think you are doing your dcs a major favour moving them away not only from their dad, but also his relatives - extreme to say but I think it's the right thing to do in your situation), as I said don't tell anyone anything unless you know they will be supportive.

Thanks Aboard and SFB.
Aboard well done on getting the house x

What I keep saying to myself to keep focussed is THEY DONT ABUSE ALL THE TIME - the single best bit of advice I have ever read I keep it in my head when he is curled up reading stories for the dcs, or any other nice things which would normally confuse me.

Phoned the school I want to move them to and they only have places for two of my 3 kids who are school age, but the other would be the only one on the list for year 2 so the sec seemed quite optimistic of getting her in within a few months.
Its the little steps that make it easierIYKWIM

No the don't abuse all the time. Because nobody is 100% bad.

If people were 100% bad to the bone, we'd never marry or get together with them. Every abuser has a nice side, a side that is lovable, loving, caring and pleasant.

There was a thing on tv a while ago and it was celebrities going into tough prisons abroad (can't remember name of programme). Anyway, most of the celebrities went in thinking that the people in prison should hang, they should serve life, they should have no luxuries, spend all their days smashing rock with a hammer etc.

The outcome of that programme was that the celebrities actually came to have sympathy towards even the absolute worst of criminals (murderers, abusers etc) because at the end of the day we are all human and we all have nice traits. We are not so hard as to absolutely hate other people even if they have done wrong.

Even if someone is a complete horrendous bastard, we can still, on some obscure human level, find something nice to say about them because everyone has a nice side.

The trick is to see this and to realise that some men can be nice without having the abusive traits.

Don't let anything or anyone stop you from doing this.