happily married but developing a crush on someone at work...

[moulesfrites]

I have been happily married for two years - have a solid relationship with dh, good sex etc. However, someone new has started at my work and I find myself quite looking forward to seeing him around and sort of admiring him from afar. When I have spoken to him a act a little gigglish and girlish in spite of myself and looking back must have looked a prize fool. I would never act on this, but is it harmful to feel this way?

No, enjoy it, it's lovely to have someone brighten your day. The intensity will pass.

Being married, doesn't mean that you don't feel attractions for other people or EVEN that you won't 'fall in love' with other people. You've just made a promise not to do anything about it.

Enjoy it. Just don't take it any further.
I used to feel this way about a Manager where I used to work. I'm sure he must have thought I was a gibbering idiot. I could hardly string a sentence together when he was in the room, and I used to shake like jelly if he ever came near.
I brightened up many long dull meetings fantasising daydreaming about him

I don't think there's necessarily anything wrong with feeling this way.

But - it's often worth sitting down and thinking about what you like so much about him, what qualities he has that you are so impressed by, and think about maybe healthier ways for you to 'get' those qualities. Maybe you want to be more like him, or maybe you need to see those qualities in your DH.

Thanks, that's reassuring! My friend at work also commented today that she had noticed he had lovely sparkly eyes - and I was quite pleased that I was not the only one who has noticed him...

Enjoy it. Sooner or later he'll do something that will make you go and the crush will wane.

It will pass. I developed a massive crush on a beautiful Spanish doctor at work, until he went into the gents toilets which I can see from my desk, and was in there for too long to just be doing a wee. For some reason I didn't fancy him so much after that

It was nice while it lasted though. Enjoy your crush!

lol. Yes I bet the thought of the sexy doctor straining on the loo would dampen most peoples ardour

Did he yell "Ole!" at the end? Cause that might have kept my interest...

Nothing wrong with crush on work colleague as long as you don't act on it. It will pass though.

I did and probably still do have a secret crush on someone in the same office as me and like you, I blushed when he said "you look well".

Absolutely no intention to act on it. Just like his smile and friendly nature that's all. Love dh too much.

It was thought of him sitting there with this trousers round his ankles reading Ola that finally killed the passion. No Ole sadly

I guess that goes to show that these crushes are pure fantasy. Everybody needs to go to the toilet sometimes - if they're real human beings. If it puts you off, it means you weren't fancying the real person, just an idealised image.

In the movies, of course, no-one except the comic relief ever goes to the toilet, farts, drips egg down their chin or wakes up with smeared mascara. Thus we can fancy the life out of a big screen hero regardless of the fact that he/she is probably a nightmare in real life. Nobody calls that infidelity.

I am picturing women seeing George Clooney emerging from the loo and saying "sorry George, it's over now"

George Clooney goes to the loo? Oh no!

faint

Well, I have tried thinking about Sarah Harding coming out after a big one and saying "Blimey, I'd leave it for a bit if I were you," but it hasn't had the desired effect. Chances are she wasn't in there for that anyway...(sniff)

No not harmful I think these things come and go. I have a bit of a teacher-thing going in that I get a bit of a crush on men who are in a role where they are mentoring/teaching me - be it a driving instructor, a priet even (I blush but it's true), professor, trainer of some kind etc

I don't know why that is the case but I recognise the pattern now, so don't worry about it much.

they don't have simple colds in films/books either, runny noses, swollen eyes, blotchy skin, phlegmy cough, bad breath and all that comes with it

George probably pays someone to spray sweet scents afterwards that just makes him even more attractive.

I guess Charlie Dimmock's "earthy" following would withstand such tests. Ditto for Alan Titchmarsh.

Are we making a shortlist of "sleb crushes you don't mind picturing having a shit?" This probably needs a thread of its own, so as not to take away from moulesfrites' serious issue!