DH away last night - had a very naughty online conversation - feel terrible

[WasBad]

I was bored so had a look at another forum I visit occasionally. They have a live chat room, but someone was stirring stuff up so I ended up in private room chatting to a few people I have spoken to before. Mixed group - general gossip and chat.

Anyway most people left so left chatting to one woman. To cut a long story short - she came on to me and we ended up having a very explicit conversation that got very steamy. I was quite surprised by how much I enjoyed it. Kind of left it that we should do it again sometime.

In the cold light of day, I feel awful. Not about the experience so much, but that I really should NOT be doing such things! This is so not me! After all if it was DH I would not be happy I suppose.

Other woman brushed this off a bit when I said something last night - that it just a bit of harmless fun and it's not like its real. But I'm not sure if it is - hasn't hurt any one, but maybe was a bit seedy to do it.

As it really was quite um horny I'm quite tempted to do it again - but I shouldn't really should I?

Would you consider this to be "unfaithful"?

[SolidGhoulBrass]

Mal, please once and for all get over the idea that your way of relating to your partner is automatically and inherently better than what other consenting adults choose to do. Because it isn't. It's just different.
What works for one couple is fine for them, but other people can be just as happy doing things differently. I have known swinging couples whose relationships have lasted as long as, if not longer, than yours, for instance.

BTW, are you familiar with a writer called Maria Isabel Pita (and boy is that surname appropriate)?

[ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight]

Agree with SGB and DDG
Maleficience
Your relationship obviously works for you. But the level of 'intimacy' and 'sharing' that you espouse might as well bring me out in hives. It makes me feel ill.

I love my DH 100% but can fantasise about other people. He wouldn't mind if I explored my lesbian side (although it's pretty insignificant) and I have fantasies that I wouldn't want to share with anyone - that's not the point!

Your level of connectedness does not make your relationship better, just different, and many people would hate a relationship like yours, just as you would hate a relationship like other peoples'.

[sayithowitis]

Whilst I often disagree with Mal, in this instance, I tend to agree with her POV re: fantasising etc. I too find it odd that others would have sex with one man/person whilst fantasising it was somebody else, though I do get what she says about fantasies involving characters rather than individuals. But that is me. I am not saying it is wrong for others, just that it doesn't sit well with me. I do believe my DH when he tells me he doesn't fantasise about other people. I believe him because he does tell me the truth, even when he knows I won't like it. As Mal says, there has to be honesty in a relationship, especially a sexual one. Whilst I agree with sincitylover that no-one can know their partner is being 100% honest, I suppose it comes down to whether you trust them to be honest. I trust my DH. If I couldn't trust him after being together for over 30 years, and married for 27 of them, it would be a very sorry excuse for a marriage.

[loupiots]

WasBad - that's a bit tricky, isn't it?

I think the fact that it was with another actual person sort of crosses the line. It would make me uncomfortable if my dh said that he had done that - it's a bit too...
...interactive?

But if you tell him, and he's OK with it,(and you would know how likely that is, or if you think there is a way that you could use it to enliven your own sex life with your DH, then why not?

Can't see the problem about fantasising about other people, myself; seems a harmless way to inject a bit of variety, but everyone has their own comfort zones.

[ShowOfHands]

"What are these people trying to prove by posting their home-made sexploits on the net?" Hahahahahahahahaha. Mal, I know more about your sex life than I do my own. Honestly, are we all having tantric sex with you too?

OP, as you have gathered, different couples have different boundaries and turn ons. If this is something your dh wouldn't mind then it's fine, if it isn't then it's an issue.

[Maleeka]

kat you have said everything i would have said, but so much better

I totally agree with what you have said and it makes me throw up a little in my mouth to read some of Mals post.

Horses for courses i guess

[electra]

I think no unless you were going to meet up.