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Original poster

Why do men arse about??........I hope it's not just me!!!!!

26 replies

electra · 12/10/2009 22:34

I got talking to a guy recently, who, on paper (unusually for me!!) is actually a decent person and not a 'loser' type (last boyfriend was a drug addict )

Anyway, I vaguely know him from years ago when I was at school and he dated a few of the girls I knew. His conversation seemed good but after a while I became sick of him asking about me constantly, while avoiding my questions about him. I also felt that if he was that interested in me, he should have asked to meet up and he didn't.

So I decided to delete him from Facebook, because I also felt that he was reading my Facebook and judging me and I didn't want that.

I heard nothing from him for a month and then suddenly he added me again, with a message which said something like 'I only just noticed I got deleted' and seemed to want to talk.

Since then I have not seen him on MSN. Is it usual for people to play silly games with people?

OP posts:
SolidGhoulBrass · 13/10/2009 00:18

Pardon me if I've misread your post but... Just because you know the guy and you have been chatting to him on FB doesn't actually entitle you to a couple-relationship or even a first date with him. So acting all hurt because he hasn't asked you out is a little bit... needy, isn't it?
From your post it doesn't sound so much like he is playing games as like you are.

TheLadyEvenstar · 13/10/2009 00:22

SGB, glad its not just me that read it that way!

rosieposey · 13/10/2009 00:26

Hmm he sounds like a bit of a player - he almost certainly didn't notice he 'just got deleted' but tbh it doesn't sound like he is that into you - if he was he would have orchestrated a meet up, sorry, I'd just forget about him if i were you.

BannyFucket · 13/10/2009 00:28

You sound needy.

hobbgoblin · 13/10/2009 00:37

yep ive been chatting to an old school friend. he redirects all questions about him and tries to talk about me the whole time. pseudo flattery. he just wants to get laid and admitted so after i laid it on the line.

BiteOfFun · 13/10/2009 00:40

How much did you lay on the line exactly, hoogoblin?

Electra, you do sound like you are reading a bit too much into what is basically a bit of chitchat on the web, sorry.

hobbgoblin · 13/10/2009 00:43

i dunno i'm sure i didn't do any lying, or laying anywhere but the next fb chat started with the line 'so, when will i be inside you?' [ewwwww]

hobbgoblin · 13/10/2009 00:44

sorry electra, not wishing to pervert your thread with tales of the nutjobs i have come across so to speak

EcoMouse · 13/10/2009 01:17

"I also felt that if he was that interested in me, he should have asked to meet up and he didn't."

You may well be spot on, although FWIW if he did ask you to meet up then didn't turn up, it'd more likely be considered game playing.
Presumably you didn't ask him either?

"So I decided to delete him from Facebook, because I also felt that he was reading my Facebook and judging me and I didn't want that."

Huh? Why would he be judging you via farcebook?

TBH, if you're either so anxious or paranoid that he has been gathering information on you for any negative reason, keep him off your friend list!

Clear your mind of him move on from whatever this wasn't and put your energy and emotion towards something real and better still, in this dimension.

Original poster
electra · 13/10/2009 13:10

I am not needy at all - perhaps my post comes across that way. My view is that you can't get to know someone if you don't meet up!

I find it odd that he seems to want me on his friends list if he is not into me (and I dont care if he's not tbh)

OP posts:
SolidGhoulBrass · 13/10/2009 17:25

Why do you think he ought to 'get to know you'. He's just chatting to you on FB because you are someone he vaguely remembers from school. Do you think eveyr man who says Hello to you is your next boyfriend or something? Lots of people's FB friends are old acquaintances/work colleagues who are not that important to them but who they like occaisionally to do the equivalent of dropping a postcard to.
IF you want your FB friends to be only people you know well and see regularly, that's up to you of course but FFS back off this poor bloke a bit. He hasn't done anything wrong in not wanting to date you.

Original poster
electra · 13/10/2009 17:35

SGB - I think I haven't explained the situation properly as I actually met him on a dating site and he has made a lot of indications that he does want to go on a date! It is a coincidence that I also know of him from years ago.

OP posts:
Original poster
electra · 13/10/2009 17:37

And on the dating site, he messaged me first and then kept me talking 4 hours on MSN but asked me loads of questions and wouldn't answer any of mine...

OP posts:
SolidGhoulBrass · 13/10/2009 18:32

Oh right. OK that does actually make a fairly big difference - you didn't mention the dating site initially, so you were coming across as a bit of a loon who thought 'Hello' had to lead to a proposal or something.
It still sounds like this particular bloke is Just Not That Into You though, so it's probably best to forget him and move on.

Original poster
electra · 13/10/2009 19:22

Yes but my point is SGB, I came to that conclusion myself and deleted him for exactly that reason! And he has now re-added me. It's mixed messages. If he wants to still talk that's ok, except to say that if he doesn't want to meet I'm not interested. I have a lot of date offers and am in no way desperate or needy.....but just think this person's behaviour is odd.

OP posts:
SolidGhoulBrass · 13/10/2009 19:36

Well he's either a) the friendly type who likes to stay in touch with lots of people on a casual basis
or I suppose possibly b) he quite likes the idea of keeping you on the back burner in case he's short of a shag one night. But even if it is B) that doesn't make him wierd or even bad; he's not made you any promises and doesn't owe you anything. And tbh it's still your behaviour that sounds a bit peculiar to me. If you're not interested in anything but The Perfect Relationship you could be coming across as a bit desperate on the dating site as well.

Original poster
electra · 13/10/2009 21:15

Well you are coming across as rude SGB - so far you have called me a loon, peculiar and are making assumptions about me, based upon......what??

It is actually me who is into casual arrangements and he who is openly looking for The Perfect Relationship, fwiw.

I prefer people to be up front like me, and not disingenuous.....and that is all - it has nothing to do with me thinking people owe me anything. But I do accept that I didn't explain myself properly in the first place.

OP posts:
SqueezyCheesyPumpkin · 13/10/2009 23:03

Maybe you could have asked to meet him if you were interested, instead of waiting on him to ask you or taking the measure of deleting him from your FB?

It does sound like game playing to me.

Why is he still on your MSN if you didn't want to be in contact with him? That's not meant to be a cheeky question, just honestly wondering why you kept him on there after deleting from FB?

Original poster
electra · 14/10/2009 00:58

Well what happened was that I deleted him and then a month later he sent me a message saying he wanted to talk, could I re-add him, so I did. I have started, generally deleting people who make me feel stressed, and he did because he grilled me a lot. However, he never wanted to tell me anything about himself.

It's not game playing on my part, it's me trying to cut things out of my life which stress me as I need to learn how to do this more.....if that makes sense.

OP posts:
skidoodle · 14/10/2009 04:34

Just unfriend him again and forget about him.

He makes you feel uncomfortable. Why would you want to meet up?

Don't ignore your own judgment, which appears to be telling you that this guy is yet another loser.

hobbgoblin · 14/10/2009 09:00

yes electra you've just given the answer to your oqn dilemma: he is stressing you thus delete him

Original poster
electra · 14/10/2009 10:14

Yes I can see I should not have started a thread about it - but the reason I did is that I find internet dating strange - people have multiple email addresses, are often not who they say and are not up front. Perhaps my profile is all wrong and is attracting these types of people!!

OP posts:
picmaestress · 14/10/2009 11:50

I think he sounds really weird - I'd be very wary of someone who refuses to answer any questions about their live. What a weirdo.

Stick to men who are just normal, and nice to you

mel1981 · 14/10/2009 11:59

If your finding internet dating strange then dont do it.
maybe ask your friend outright why he isnt replying to your questions, maybe he doesnt realise hes doing it or hes trying to hard to look keen and its coming across wrong. If your possibly going to delete him cause hes stressing you out then youve got nothing to loose.

Knickers0nMaHead · 14/10/2009 16:42

maybe it would be better to put all info into your original op first. It pisses me off when someone starts a thread, people dont agree, then gives more info.