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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Nowhere to go!! :(

26 replies

Darkdreamer · 10/10/2009 16:45

Hi I'm new here and just wondering if anyone that has gone through this could help!
I seperated from my husband in May 2008. We are still living together as he refuses to leave and I have nowhere else to go (we have 3 children). He won't sell the house as he says it's his home why should he have to sell just because I want a divorce. I have been told by my solicitor that I won't get it as I won't be able to pay the mortgage and/or bills. (I don't work, I'm a stay at home mum). I have been to the council and they say legally they cannot give me a house as I already joint own a property. And if he buys me out of my share then I will have too much money for me to be elligible for council housing. I then went to the CAB for advice and was told the only option I have is to get my share of the property and then rent privately until I run out of money, then the council have to re-house me. Which I don't want to do as then clearly I'll have no money and 3 kids that depend on me for everything!(Although he will have to pay maintenance) I'm running out of options and I can't continue to live with him for much longer as the tension in the house is making me ill and affecting the children. He threatened to throw me out in front of them a few weeks ago. Does anyone have any ideas on where I can go from here???

OP posts:

gonnabehappy · 10/10/2009 16:51

I thought I might be in a very similar situation. I decided to move out into private rented and then I would (I think after 6 months) be eligible for a whole lot of state assistance as I would have the three boys with me. Might be worth another trip to the CAB?

Sorry this is not a lot of help to you, but I am sure someone else will come along.

DuelingFANGo · 10/10/2009 16:52

Are you named on the mortgage?

Tortington · 10/10/2009 16:52

there is no such thing has having too much money to be eligable for council housing.

you may not get benefits - thats quite a different thing.

file for divorce, sell and split assets. put your name down for a council house.

truth is they are usually in short supply ( epending on what part of the country you are in) therefore to get somewhere to live you will have to provate rent.

you will have money to spend on rent in short term.

you cant have substantial savings and claim benefits - thats not fair
so if you want to save your money - you would have to look to get a job and sort out childcare.

TheCrackFox · 10/10/2009 17:13

how old are your DCs?

FABIsInTraining · 10/10/2009 17:16

I can't help thinking you shouldn't expect the state to house you because you want to leave your marriage. I think your way out if to file for divorce as then solicitors will get involved and then the house will have to be sold or your h will have to buy you out.

carriedababi · 10/10/2009 17:17

can't you sling him out and change the locks?

Mummy1234 · 10/10/2009 17:20

I am also in a very similar situation . i jointly own a property with my now ex -partner and we have 3 kids. only difference is that we have no equity in the property we own. he flatley refuses to leave claiming that it is his house because he is the one who pays the mortgage (not taking into account that i look after his 3 kids as well and working 3 days a week therefore giving him enough money to go drinking down the pub)To be honest i dont want to stay here because the house is too small and full of his diy bodge jobs! I work part time and therefore contacted tax credits informing them of our spilt to be told that i would be entitled to £160 a week as well has 80% of my childcare costs. we are currently living in the same house but i was told that i am still entitled to claim as we are separated. therefore i have set up my own account so he cannot access the money and have managed to save up enough for a deposit on a privatley rented house. i have now found a suitable home and i get the keys on the 20th. i have managed to sort this all out by myself and he has not been able to have any control over it - it feels great after many years of him giving me what money he thinks i shoud have and controlling me. i have also applied for housing benefit and have been told that i should be entitled to approx £100 a week towards my rent. i hope to get my name removed from the mortgage although i will keep my name on the house deeds so that i keep my half share in the house (if and when we ever get any equity) and he cannot sell it without my permission. the only thing is that he will not be able to afford to give me any maintanence towards the children. there are ways out you just need to know how to go about it - contact tax credits and see if you can at least get the child tax credit which you are entitled to even if you dont work

Original poster

Darkdreamer · 10/10/2009 17:22

Custardo - no really the council and CAB said I would have too much money to be considered for council housing! Husband will not sell. He said he'd buy me out of my share but he's trying to swindle me on that too! As for a job, I've been trying to get one for 8 months, but because I haven't worked for 8yrs no one wants me. I've applied for loads and I don't even get an interview!

DuelingFANGo - yes I'am!

TheCrackFox - 8,3 and 2

OP posts:

carriedababi · 10/10/2009 17:29

mummy you did well to sort that all out.
good luck to you

Original poster

Darkdreamer · 10/10/2009 17:33

FABIsInTraining - I don't expect the council to house me coz I'm leaving my marriage. I'm asking them to help me because I'm not going to have anywhere to live. My husband is verbally aggressive. He now has "rules" I'm not allowed any of my friends round the house as he doesn't like them, if I want to go out I have to practically ask his permission as I need him to stay in with the children! What kind of life is that?

carriedababi - no he'll stop paying the mortgage and bills, so the house will get re-posessed and legally I can't do that as it's his house just as much as it is mine!

Mummy1234 - Wow thank you, that gives me hope that things can work out!! That's the other thing, if he did agree to sell, we got our house through a key homebuy scheme so we have to give them back 25% of what the property is worth then pay back the mortgage company. So we may not have any money left over to divide anyway!!

OP posts:

Tortington · 10/10/2009 17:52

well ask for the council policy where it says the financial threshold. bet they can't produce it

if you want to screw the councils brain - phone shelter england (or scotland if you are in scotland) and ask them to point you specifically to the information regarding this - even to send it to you on headed paper.

FABIsInTraining · 10/10/2009 17:53

If life is so unbearable you need to file for divorce.

Original poster

Darkdreamer · 10/10/2009 17:57

Custardo - no they probably can't lol!! Think a trip back down the council is in order!!

FABIsInTraining - I have started divorce proceedings hence why I have a solicitor! The process seems to be so slow and my husband is making it difficult. 1 minute he'll go to mediation the next he won't. We decide one thing about the children and then he says we agreed something completely different. It's like living with a nutter!

OP posts:

Tortington · 10/10/2009 18:05

i think that you should get the info from shelter - or else they will just spin you bullshit.

social housing is for people in housing need - as your situation points out - you can be in housing need and have money

Original poster

Darkdreamer · 10/10/2009 18:08

Ok, thank you Custardo, that has helped!!

OP posts:

Tortington · 10/10/2009 18:11

CarGirl · 10/10/2009 18:13

If he is emotionally abusive towards you then you can leave and get help with housing costs as my SIL had to.

She got enough money together for a private rental deposit & first month. She found a private rental place who would take DSS (or whatever it's called).

She signed the rental agreement paid the money and then applied for housing benefit which she gets. Yes the council will insist that they eventually sell the marital home etc but she got out and that was this year.

Your other alternative is to take the dc and go to the womens refuge.

I think I am correct in thinking that if living with him and he refuses to leave is making you ill that is enough for you to leave and claim HB in the short term. The fact that you have started divorce proceedings etc will help IYSWIM.

Pikelit · 10/10/2009 18:59

The reason the council won't house you is because you have made yourself voluntarily homeless. And yes, I know how iniquitous that sounds having also been in the situation where my ex-husband refused to leave the jointly owned and mortgaged house I couldn't afford to keep up on my own!

The only way out is to find yourself a rented place, leave your husband and then set the legalities in place for a sale of your property.

Nothing is fair in love and war.

Original poster

Darkdreamer · 11/10/2009 12:19

It's not voluntarily homelessness if he physically throws me and the children out, which is what he threatened me with a few weeks ago, in front of them!

I also said he won't sell as if we do, there is likely to be nothing for us to divide between us. So no money to rent privately!

OP posts:

CarGirl · 11/10/2009 13:16

I'm sure the council said that after a year or so of someone claiming HB under these circumstances then they would force the sale of the house so I wouldn't worry about that - if there is no equity in it then that won't be an issue anyway.

My SIL managed to get the council to pay the deposit too through some sort of scheme.

Your first step is to go the council housing dept (you'll have to make an appt) and CAB. Ultimately if you can get hold of some money somehow then you could get yourself into private rented or the other route is via women's aid - they are good to phone and talk to as well apparantly.

Original poster

Darkdreamer · 11/10/2009 14:26

Yeah, I looked into that, they'll pay your deposit, but you have to pay them back after 6 months. They expect you to save up the money over that time. Which I'm not sure I could do. Still trying to sort out what if any benefits I would be entitled to and how much maintenance I'd get etc.

OP posts:

Tortington · 11/10/2009 14:37

look on entitledto.com

it works out benefit entitlements.

CarGirl · 11/10/2009 14:50

Our local council went through with my SIL would she would receive. From memory it was about £62 per week per child and a similar amount for her. I think the rest was all HB & CT benefit which of course goes in and goes sstright out again so with 2 children she got about £180 per week to live on. If you get maintenance you get to keep the first £20 per week and the rest is taken off your benefits, the same if you work, so worth getting a cleaning job for £15-£20 per week. Free school meals too.

They had a maximum rent they would up to and limits on what type of property. Dc of seperate sexes can share until the eldest was 10 so she was only entitled to a 2 bed house for the meantime.

sincitylover · 11/10/2009 19:46

FAB not very sympathetic are you?

It just goes to show working or not that ordinary women with children are often stuffed if their marriage doesn't work out.

Correct me if I'm wrong custardo but once you get in private rental (as I am since divorce)you are then deemed to be adequately housed therefore on lowest priority for social housing. In my area this means never.

Society is still brutally unequal. We ought to teach that reality to girls at school.

gonnabehappy · 12/10/2009 15:12

My understanding - yes you are low priority for social housing (pretty non existent round here anyway) but you will be eligible for housing benefit if your income is low. Despite being on deeds for old house.

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