Thanks for your responses. Yes, maybe when you lose confidence you start to become less approachable. I might be friendly and say hi to everyone, plus do small talk, but maybe I give the impression that, that's all I want, or maybe I've given off the wrong impression of me in general. I often have people come to me to tell me their troubles and of course, I listen and if they want, I sometimes advise. In fact, I did have a female 'thought was friend' who practically relied on me for that, until everything started to improve in her life, and then I was ignored. But never was I invited out socially, despite the fact I knew each and everyone who was in her group, also despite the fact I knew some of them for the same amount of time as she did. When I became pregnant, that was my "friend's" excuse to never invite me out again. The kids all miss each other tho which is a shame.
I also had someone else I thought was a friend, but after a year of having her daughter almost live with me, while she enjoyed a new relationship, I realised I didn't see her at all, she'd just collect her daughter and tell me she had to rush! or I'd deliver her daughter to school the next day. I don't see her at all now, even when she was home for a couple of weeks in the Summer doing nothing.
There are more examples. I just feel like I end up advising and then seen as someone a bit too serious. Also, one of the women I mentioned above told me she sees me as her friend who she can talk about 'deeper' things with. But I guess she meant she doesn't see me as someone she'd want to invite out while she goes out and gets slaughtered. It's almost like she wanted me to only see the well-behaved mumsy side to her.
In the last 4 years, I've been through a separation and divorce. Long story, but my ex was disappointed with his choice of wife from soon after we got together and had our son. I did the divorce myself and left him with everyone, knowing it'll go to my two older kids one day! But I struggled with many issues, some still ongoing until very recently. So maybe I was a miserable cow! I must admit I did sometimes seem bogged down with issues. So how do I give off the impression I'm no longer a miserable cow?
Still, where I now live is extremely cliquey, so it would have been difficult for most anyway. Even my poor little 6 yr old daughter can't make any friends here, especially with girls, and the boys are fickle. Though my son's having no problem at all. We moved here 2 yrs ago, and it seems all the mums and kids hang out together. You often see huge groups of kids being brought to school or collected by each others' parents, and they're all 'best friends' My daughter tells me they wont play with her because they're best friends. It's the same at the toddler group, which I will persevere with now my baby's about to start becoming a little mobile.
I was thinking after reading some posts, maybe I do need to find someone who can get to know my baby, and then become a regular baby sitter. I don't know anyone who could do that yet though. But, then I could go to dance class or something, as right now I can't go anywhere. My partner and I get invited to things now and then as he knows a lot of people (but he only has one friend despite almost everyone in town knowing him as his dad was the local GP), anyway, I can never go, because I have no-one to look after the baby, so he goes alone most of the time (which isn't a lot!).
But, my other issue is, one of the women I thought was a friend, who I babysat for all the time, well she knew some of the mums just as I did, and she's never at the school due to her work, but she was invited to 'wet the baby's head' by a woman who lives in my road, who I talk to - who I sent a card to and sometimes meet in the street and ask her how her little one is doing, etc. Also, we're all on facebook. But, I am never invited to anything. It does leave me wondering what's going on - there are many more examples. Maybe I've annoyed them? I don't know though! I wouldn't mind if I was told, as I can take criticsm, if it's helpful. I would like to know what to do, but not sure how to find out. But I definately do see others turn up and make friends with people who I always chat to - while I continue to be ignored.
Outwardly I'm calm about it all, though this message probably doesn't give that impression. And actually, I feel better just writing it all down.
About parties, I did think about it, but y'know, I'd be worried no-one would turn up!
Sorry that was very long, rambly, all over the place, etc. Best get back to baby! Maybe it is a wavelength thing.